Of Love and Razorblades
by define-serenity
Summary: INCOMPLETE. [Bella/Jasper] Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper. Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? AU/AH.
1. This Is Just The Prologue

**THIS STORY IS INCOMPLETE AND I PROBABLY WON'T END UP FINISHING IT EITHER**

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**summary:** _Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper. __Does anyone know what polyfidelity means?_

**characters (POVs underlined):** Angela, Rosalie/Emmett, mention of Jasper/Bella

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** the focus of this story is NOT Angela, this prologue was really just an excuse to introduce Rosalie and Emmett. the next chapters will be less cheery, darker, sexier and from different POVs. special thanks goes to my beta **emily_sheppard**. i'm really curious to know what everyone thinks, since this is just a work in progress.

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**prologue: **this is just the prologue

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_(Angela POV)_

"All you have to remember is to keep your head high and talk to someone when it gets to be too much," Rosalie said; she had been doing most of the talking since she'd picked me up at the train station. We were currently driving around the large campus, on the way to my dorm. "I'm telling you, there's nothing worse than bottling everything up," she glanced at me briefly, giving me a once-over, before returning her attention to the road. "No matter how proud you are."

"I take it you speak from personal experience?" I asked, huddled comfortably in the car seat, happy that Rosalie's car had air-conditioning. The weather outside was almost brutal; according to the weather forecast the hot Californian sun would be our companion for at least another two weeks. Not that I minded; it was nice to be in a place where the sun actually broke through the clouds now and again.

"College can be pretty intimidating," Rosalie went on, and made another turn. I had a map of the campus in my hands, but Rosalie seemed to know her way so well that she hadn't bothered showing me where we were going. I'd have to figure it out by myself later. "I wish I'd had someone to help me out when I first got here." I briefly wondered if she was just trying to put me at ease. Rosalie didn't exactly strike me as someone that was easily intimidated. Not only was she absolutely gorgeous and could easily get anyone to help her out, she just struck me as a very self-reliant person.

"Thanks for doing this, by the way," I said, making sure that she knew how much I appreciated this. "I know my mom and your mom kind of forced us into this." The first time my mom told me that she'd spoken to Rosalie's mother, about her taking me under her wing at college, I could have all but sank through the ground. I knew Rosalie from Forks High, but I'd never actually talked to her or anything; we sort of ran in completely different circles. Her openness with me now had me surprised, maybe college had loosened her up a bit.

"Nonsense," Rosalie exclaimed, and shook her head sturdily. She was a very fast driver; I was grateful she'd told me to put on my seatbelt. "It's not every day I get to see anyone from back home, next to my _fiancé_ of course." She smiled, and I guessed that she was picturing her_ fiancé_ vividly. Emmett McCarty, I remembered him as well, big and bulky. The kind of guy you didn't want to mess with. "I hope you got your schedule?" She looked at me again, and I held up the folder I'd been handed earlier by a college administrator.

"I think you'll fit right in here," Rosalie added, and made one final turn, coming to a halt in front of my home for the next year: Florence Moore Hall. It looked just like the brochures, only a bit busier right now with all the other students moving in. "Trust me." I had to admit that Rosalie's attempts at making me feel at home were working; she was acting like a big sister. I was used to being the big sister around the house, taking care of my brothers and all. It was nice to have Rosalie look after me now that I was so far from home.

"What are the teachers like?" I asked as I got out of the car. Both Rosalie and I walked towards the trunk, where some of my suitcases were stowed away; the others were in the backseat. I knew my mom was sending some of the rest of my stuff over as well. "Are they strict?" I wasn't exactly a bad student, but back home all the teachers knew me by name. I even ran into them at the grocery store. Now I just hoped I wouldn't drown in the endless stream of college students. "I hear Dr Cullen's classes are monstrous."

"False," Rosalie answered as if she was in some kind of game show. "Dr Cullen is one of the nicest professors you'll ever have. He gives off this whole fatherly vibe." She swung my largest suitcase from the trunk in one swoop; I never knew she was that strong. "I mean, he doesn't go soft on his students, but seriously, he's a good guy." Rosalie's assessment of Dr Cullen put me only slightly at ease; she wasn't taking any of his classes. "And with any luck you'll have a class with his TA as well."

"Bella Hale?" I asked, looking down at my course schedule for this semester. _Hale_. Wasn't that Rosalie's last name too? Was that just a coincidence, or were the two of them related?

"Yes," Rosalie nodded, and closed the trunk. Some of my stuff was still in the car, but I guessed she didn't want to run the risk of any of it disappearing while we were taking the other bags upstairs. "She can be more strict than Dr Cullen but that's only when you do wrong by her. I don't think _you'll_ have any problems there."

"Is she related to Jasper Hale?" I asked curiously. I'd seen his name somewhere on my schedule as well. Rosalie turned to me in question. "I'm taking his computer class," I explained, shrugging. Were they all related?

"Quite a schedule you've got there, missy." Rosalie put her hands at her sides and looked at me, disapproving. I knew I was taking more classes than other freshmen, but my guidance counsellor had assured me that I could handle it. If it turned out that I couldn't, there were certain classes I could drop. For now I was just determined to figure out my options. "They're not related. They're married," Rosalie explained, and grabbed two of my bags. I took hold of the other two. "Jasper lived with my family for a while when he was nine while his biological mother was suing for custody. He's a distant cousin of mine."

That explained a lot. If Jasper was nine when he lived with Rosalie, and assuming they were the same age, that would have made me about five. No chance I would have remembered him ever having lived in Forks. "Did his mother get custody?" I asked. I wondered what had happened.

"Unfortunately," Rosalie sighed, but I got the feeling it was more out of anger at the verdict than my asking. We walked towards the building together, my bags in tow. I never could have thought that one day I'd be having this kind of conversation with Rosalie Hale. "One of his teachers contacted social services after suspecting that Jasper was being abused. I don't know if it's true."

"That's so sad,"

"Tell me about it," Rosalie shook her head disapprovingly; I could only imagine what Jasper must be like. I guessed I would find out soon enough; but then, if he was teaching here at Stanford University, something must have gone right for him. "I never thought I'd see him again, until we met here in our freshman year. Bella and I have become quite close as well." We crossed the sunlit green quad; all around us people were carrying bags in and out. "They're the cutest couple you'll ever see." Rosalie sounded like she actually envied them for that.

"Rose!" a male voice called out from across the quad. We both turned towards the sound. I recognised him immediately as he ran over to us: Emmett.

"Hey babe." He threw an arm around Rosalie and kissed her full on the lips. I looked down at my feet quickly. Even after all these years, the two of them couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other. "You must be Angela," he said. I looked up at the sound of my own name, and found him staring at me, a big grin on his face. I only nodded in response.

"Emmett's been helping out some of the fraternities," Rosalie said, probably hoping it would explain to me what he was doing around here. I knew they lived in the graduate residences together, which was quite a sturdy walk from here. "Frat-boy all the way."

"Boo-ya!" Emmett bellowed, but it didn't seemed to attract any attention from any other students. Maybe they were used to this. I realised Emmett hadn't changed one bit since high school, other than maybe his exponentially expanding forearms.

"I was just telling Angela about Bella and Jasper," Rosalie looked up at Emmett lovingly and placed a hand on his chest. However they knew Bella and Jasper Hale, it was clear that there was some kind of special friendship there.

"Oh yeah, great folks," Emmett nodded and looked at me again. "And our inspiration." I had no idea what he meant by that, but it was clear that Emmett was slightly drunk at the moment; at least he was managing to stay upright.

Suddenly, a car honked loudly behind us. "Oh shoot, I have to go," Rosalie turned around and waved towards the car; I guessed it was her ride. "Emmett babe, could you help Ange with her bags please?" she looked up at Emmett hopefully and handed him her car keys. She didn't wait for an answer; she turned to me and threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly. That was new. "Good luck, and if there's anything you need, anything at all, don't hesitate to call or drop by," she looked at me again, and smiled. College really had changed her; she would never have been this nice to me back home. "We're over at the Munger Graduate Residence, name's on the bell," she called back before disappearing into the car.

"Okay," Emmett clapped his hands together, and took all four of my bags into his arms at once. I stared after him, wide-eyed yet smiling. College was definitely going to be something.

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**if you can, please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 1: A Hotter Touch

**characters (POVs underlined):** Jasper/Bella, mention of Angela, Carlisle, Esme, Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** my Bella was inspired by KStew's character in _Adventureland_, thought i'd mention that. thanks for the people who left me a comment on the prologue! i hope you enjoy this. next chapter will introduce Edward.

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**chapter one: **a hotter touch, a better fuck

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_(Bella POV)_

"Would you turn that racket down?" my voice only just reached over the music. I waved my hand towards the bed, where Jasper was lounging lazily with a book, hoping to catch his attention. We had a living room table he could work on, not far from the desk I was currently occupying, but apparently the bed was much more fun when reading up on computer science.

"Racket?" Jasper got up from the bed, and walked over to me deliberately slow. He whirled my chair around, the world spinning fast, and now I was facing him. I gave him a hard stare, but kept a playful glint in my eyes. "You're calling this band racket?" He squinted, even though he knew very well what kind of answer to expect from me. I was only teasing, but then, so was he.

"If it interferes with my work? It's racket," I said matter-of-factly, and took of my glasses, biting down on one of its hinges. "If it doesn't? No, I quite like it," I admitted, putting my glasses back on, biting down on my bottom lip this time. He leaned in, slowly again, and captured my lips in a kiss, sucking at my lips hard. God, I loved kissing him. I felt my own moans vibrating against his lips. Before I had the time to throw my arms around his neck though, my laptop made a popping sound, signalling I had an unread message.

"You've got mail." Jasper pulled back, and whirled me back around before I had a chance to complain properly. I hated how in control he was sometimes, so very much the opposite of how uncontrollable my appetites were. Still, I opened my email, feeling Jasper put down his chin on my shoulder to read with me.

_Dear Miss Hale, _

_My name is Angela Weber, and I'm one of your students. I know we have a paper to hand it by the end of the week, but unfortunately I have fallen ill; I think I have the flu. I was wondering if I could get an extension for the paper._

_Sincerely,_

_Angela Weber_

I stared at the screen for a while, then turned my head slightly; I exchanged a meaningful look with Jasper. "What do you think?" I asked. I remembered Angela from my discussion classes; Doctor Cullen had a busy workload this year so he'd let me take care of those. Angela was an extremely shy girl, even for a freshman; she didn't say much during the classes, but she took notes like no other.

"I don't know." Jasper quirked his mouth and stared back at the screen questioningly. "Sounds like an excuse to me," he said after long moments. "Love how they call you _Miss Hale_," he grinned, and moved away from me, sitting down on the bed again. I chuckled, mostly to myself; I'd been _Miss Hale_ for almost four years now, and he still found it extremely thrilling to hear people calling me by the name. "Angela Weber." Jasper put down his book. "Isn't that the freshman from Forks? The one Rose knows?"

"Yeah," I answered, my attention already back to my laptop screen to type out my response. Jasper and Angela had never met of course, he was only nine when he had spend a few months in Forks. Rose had told us about her, mostly because she'd found out Angela was taking both of our classes.

_Dear Miss Weber,_

_I'm willing to give you an extra week for your paper, but no longer. Please make sure to have it ready by the end of next week. I hope you feel better._

_Sincerely,_

_Bella Hale_

There, that was that. I didn't want to be known as a teaching assistant that went easy on students, but I didn't want to be known as a heartless bitch either, even though in some situations I very much was. My students, however, didn't need to see that side of me. If it did turn out to be some excuse, well, then Angela Weber would only get away with it this once.

"So, we going out tonight?" Jasper asked, grabbing his football from the nightstand and twirling it around in his hands. "Emmett wondered if we might stop by that frat party, the Gamma... Psi. Whatever. He just wanted to know if we'd come."

"Kappa Kappa Psi," I corrected him. "I was actually hoping to get some work done for Doctor Cullen." I closed my laptop and walked over to the bed. I crawled over the sheets on my hands and knees until I was hovering over Jasper; I straddled his hips and tossed his football aside. He sat up on his elbows. "But you don't need _me_ to go to a frat party."

"Cullen Cullen _Cullen_. All I ever hear from you." He rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance. I leaned in for a kiss, but Jasper moved his head. I pouted teasingly. "Are you sleeping with him?" he eyed me suspiciously. I looked back at him, my lips still set in a pout, wondering about how to answer.

"Would you want to know if I was?" I raised an eyebrow, and placed my hands on his chest to find my balance again.

"Him? Yes," Jasper answered resolutely. I couldn't say I blamed him for wanting to know. To be honest, Doctor Cullen could easily have been my greatest conquest. He was a strong man, respected by the faculty. Strangely but true, I'd never once considered seducing him. And I definitely couldn't now that I was his TA. Especially after finding out why he had fired my predecessor, Alice Brandon.

"Never have," I shook my head. Jasper knew it was true; I could lie to any man, but not him. Just like he could never lie to me. The difference was that he would never even try.

"How come?" he frowned. I chuckled. There was something I saw in Doctor Cullen that I hadn't found in a whole lot of other men; deep affectionate love for his family. And Esme's love for Carlisle ran just as deep. What I saw in that family I could have easily called perfection, even though it probably wasn't. Just like Jasper though, I had a very different definition of what perfect was.

"He's married," I shrugged. Not to mention the fact that Carlisle and Esme had this beautiful boy, Michael, that I worshipped and adored.

"You're married too," Jasper flipped me over on the bed quickly, settling his groin comfortably in between my legs. He grinded his hips slightly, the throbbing between my thighs growing stronger instantly. I bit down on my bottom lip, and threw my head back in the mattress, moaning loudly. He laced his left hand with my right, and I looked at his wedding ring briefly, smiling.

"He's a better person than I am." I smiled up at him again, and then he claimed my mouth with his, sucking at my upper lip, his tongue massaging against mine. I felt his cock grow hard inside his slacks, only making me moan into his mouth. He ground his hips against my pelvis again, but I only continued to kiss him, throwing my arms around his neck to pull him in even closer.

His groan reverberated down my throat, echoing through the rest of my body. He set a steady rhythm rubbing up against me, his cock rock-hard, grazing my clit right through the fabric of his slacks and my PJ shorts. Good God, how did he _do_ that? I tilted my hips for extra effect, my pussy pounding painfully hard; I needed more of him. "Jazz, please," I begged against his lips, his breath hot against my flustered skin.

"Babe, we can't..." he panted heavily, but his movements didn't falter for a single second. "We're out of condoms," he groaned again, his teeth raking down my throat. _Fuck_ no, his damn insistence on wearing a condom. Never mind that I was on the pill and wore a diaphragm whenever we had sex. How could we be out of condoms? We were _never_ out of condoms. Why was he driving me this crazy when he knew we couldn't go further than this?

"Holy shit, Jazz," I whimpered. I knew better than to beg at this point; there was no way I could convince him to get inside me, even in his current state. He had his rules, and nothing could get him off those, not even me. So I did the only thing I could think off; I opened my legs further and wrapped them around his waist, spreading myself for him. I pulled him tighter against me, needing more friction, needing more of him, needing _him_ right where he was.

"Fuck yes, babe." Jazz buried his face in the crook of my neck, in my hair, sucking at my collarbone; I would probably have to cover that up for the next week or so, but God _help me_ I was beyond caring at this point. His movements never once relented, never stopped, he kept working at that steady and fucking slow pace, grating against me in long strokes. His breathing grew more frenzied, and I knew he was now focusing on not climaxing before I was right there along with him. His hands moved under my ass, lifting me slightly to meet his motions.

"Jazz. Jesus." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, my body shuddering. I gyrated my hips into him, my head reeling, but it still wasn't enough; I was close, but not close enough to orgasm with just this friction. God, I needed him so badly. "I need... Jazz, please," I threw my head back again and wriggled against him more frantically; my body was begging for release.

"Aaahh," Jasper shuddered against me, his dick rubbing me hard, and I lost it, right there at the sight of my Jazz climaxing. My eyes rolled back in my head and I cried out loudly, my orgasm pulsing through me randomly.

I clutched my arms around Jasper even tighter.

"Shower?" Jasper asked, whispering in my ear, then placing a kiss softly over the hickey he'd just given me. He had a point: we were both slathered in sweat and he'd just come in his slacks. A shower sounded even closer to heaven than I already was right now.

"Shower," I chuckled.

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**if you can, please let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 2: Testosterone Boys

**characters (POVs underlined):** Jasper/Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Angela

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** so what do you guys think? thanks to all of you that left me comments, it's always nice to hear someone's thoughts on a story. there are story banners on my profile, and a link to Bella's outfit in this chapter, go check it out if you're interested. sorry for the literature lesson by the way :) _The Satanic Verses_ is one of my favourite books that we discussed in class. there will be more discussion worked into other chapters.

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**chapter two: **testosterone boys

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_(Bella POV)_

The sun blistered ruthlessly outside, heating the lawns, making them only just comfortable enough to lounge on during class breaks. Inside Margaret Jacks Hall, the heat luckily didn't manage to put a damper on things, the walls thick enough to hold off the sunshine, the windows shaded to avoid students from finding any distractions. Doctor Cullen's classes weren't boring, at all, but when the weather was this fine the student body tended to be preoccupied by other things. Maybe that's why he'd made sure I was sitting in today.

"_The fall of angels, Gibreel reflected, was not the same kettle as the Tumble of Woman and Man_," Dr Cullen's voice resounded through the auditorium. I could tell from a quick headcount that some students had stayed away, including Angela Weber, but I guessed that she was still down with the flu. "_In the case of human persons, the issue had been morality. Of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil they shouldst not eat, and ate. Woman first, and at her suggestion man, acquired the verboten ethical standards, tastily apple-flavoured: the serpent brought them a value system._"

I loved this quote from Rushdie's _The Satanic Verses_, it just touched on a multitude of points without it ever being clear what it was that he meant when he wrote it down. This also made it open to many interpretations. "_Enabling them, among other things, to judge the Deity itself, making possible in good time all the awkward inquiries: why evil? Why suffering? Why death?_" Dr Cullen stared around the classroom before continuing further. He met my gaze for a few seconds, smiling gently.

I smiled back softly as I sat back in my seat. I crossed my legs, but quickly thought the better of it when I felt the joint in my right knee throb painfully. "What does Rushdie mean to say with this passage?" Dr Cullen asked the class. The classroom fell silent, and I suppressed another smile; I had to remember that I was at an advantage here. I'd seen Carlisle teach this class a few times before. "Obviously he's talking about religion here," Dr Cullen added, looking around the room in anticipation.

"He's talking about the _Fall of Man_," a student called out from the first row. I was sitting in the first row on the other side of the room, but I had a pretty good view. He looked too old to be a first year student, and he didn't seem to be taking notes. In fact, he didn't have any books with him at all. He was attractive, in his own subversive way, not a poster-boy, but chiselled. Yes, that was the word. _Chiselled_.

"Yes, exactly," Doctor Cullen nodded and took a few steps forward, a hand in his pocket. "And he opposes that to the fall of angels. Why is it different?" he asked. I sat up straighter in my chair, awaiting the student's answer.

"He's trying to undermine the monotheistic view of the devil," the bronze-haired young man answered. I didn't know what to think of him; he seemed a bit ill at ease, like he wasn't sure whether or not he should answer at all. He was fidgety in his seat, leaning down on his forearms on the small fold-out table in front of him. He folded his hands together.

"What makes you say that?" Dr Cullen asked curiously. I was equally surprised; it seemed that this guy had read the entire book already, because there was no way he got that from the one quote Doctor Cullen just read aloud. I stared from the mysterious student to Doctor Cullen; they seemed like two gladiators in an arena of words.

"If Lucifer is a fallen angel, then God allowed evil in the world, which undermines everything religion stands for," the student said, more confident now, though by now every other student in the auditorium was listening attentively. "Why would God allow that? Instead here, where he's talking about the fall of man, he gives it a... different meaning," he added hesitantly.

"What kind of meaning?" There was a soft smile still colouring Carlisle's face. He was enjoying himself. I couldn't blame him, Doctor Cullen loved discussions just as much as I did.

"I..." he hesitated. Whispers ensued in the auditorium. I suddenly felt bad for him, because he obviously felt put on the spot, while he probably hadn't had the intention when he came here.

"Morality," I said, loud enough to rise above the murmur. The student in the front row turned his head towards me; his blue eyes met my green ones curiously.

"Morality?" he frowned, his lips puckering slightly as he twitched his head curiously. It was adorable.

"Yes," I smiled softly, realising that everyone was staring at me now. Luckily I was used to students looking my way. "Rushdie is asking us if we think evil is a manmade notion, or something that man brought on himself when he ate the apple. He's calling God out."

"I don't... _think_ he is," he answered me carefully, probably noticing I had a pretty strong handle over the material. "You're asking the nature versus nurture question. Is man inherently evil or do we define our own morality? But that's not what this book is about," he added.

"Are you sure?" I asked playfully, because I knew for a fact that's what this book suggested.

"I'm afraid that will be all for today," Doctor Cullen broke up the discussion before I could have too much fun. Damn him. Immediately students sprang up from their seats, and started packing up their books. "Remember papers are due in three days. Anyone who hasn't started best get to it," Carlisle's voice only just reached over the noise in the auditorium. I walked over to him. "Who was he?" Carlisle asked me when I joined him.

"No idea. Maybe he's new," I shrugged. I looked around the auditorium, but it looked like my discussion partner had already left.

"Could you drop these off for Professor Molina?" he handed me a stack of articles. I recognised most of them; I'd been helping Carlisle with the research. "I really don't have..." his voice trailed off and he gave me a meaningful look. I knew all too well now what it meant. He didn't really want to be here right now; he had other priorities.

"Of course," I nodded immediately. "Give Esme my best. And if there's anything I can do..."

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle gave me a sincere smile.

I watched Carlisle walk away, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He had given me as much responsibility as he could this year and still it seemed like he wasn't getting enough sleep. This constant worry about Esme and his baby boy Michael wasn't doing him any good either. But I didn't know what else I could do; I didn't know if Esme would want my help at this point.

My feet carried me to Professor Molina's office during my own worrying. The door was open when I got there, so I ventured inside without knocking. In the middle of the room stood my chiselled stranger.

"Hi," I said. He looked up at me, and his eyes brightened. Okay, small victory: it seemed that I had left an impression. "I'm sorry. I was looking for Professor Molina." I looked back at the door, wondering if I had picked the wrong office in my busy thinking.

"I'm his new TA," he grinned callously. Now that I got a better look at him, I noticed the little curve his nose made, a little imperfection that didn't make him any less handsome. His teeth weren't perfect either; I didn't mind.

"Hmm, I was under the impression he was too good for that." I stepped further into the room. Professor Molina was an okay enough man, good teacher, decent conversationalist, but he had always made it a point to do all his own work. Unlike Carlisle, this man was a workaholic.

"I'm undoubtedly a dent to his ego." He tipped his head slightly, and put a hand out to me. "Edward Masen." The name immediately seemed to fit him; it was chiselled too, slightly old-fashioned. _Vintage_.

"Bella Hale." I shook his hand; it was large compared to mine. Jasper had insisted I started using my maiden name when Carlisle gave me the job as his TA, to avoid any confusion. After all, Rosalie was also a Miss Hale around here. I'd refused to take his advice. I'd never taken on my father's name, Swan, or my stepfather's name. And being known under my mother's name, _Higgenbotham_, wasn't exactly an option for me either. Hale would do just fine.

"Did you... _want_ anything?" Edward frowned.

"Oh. Yeah." I shook my head and put a hand to my forehead. "These are articles that Doctor Cullen thought might be interesting for Professor Molina's publication." I handed him the bundle of papers.

"I'll be sure he gets it." He flipped through them quickly, but didn't ask me anything about them.

"Okay." I nodded, suddenly not sure what to do with myself. I had completed my task, there was really no reason for me to stay here any longer. "Are you planning on joining Doctor Cullen's class again?" I still asked, curious to know if I'd be having any more interesting discussions in the future.

"I might." He shrugged, and put his hands in his pockets after putting down the bundle of papers. "I was just curious, really."

"You should," I said, and took a few steps back, ready to depart. I knew that Jasper was waiting for me outside. "I don't get a whole lot of chances to disagree with anyone." I turned around to let him think about my suggestion.

"You really believe that man is evil?" he called after me. I turned on my heels.

"It's like you said. In a way it's the whole nature versus nurture idea right? Did _God_ make me like this, or was I shaped by my upbringing? I don't believe in God," is all the answer I gave him, not affirming nor really denying my point of view, simply because I hadn't even figured it out for myself. I did like to believe I didn't get completely messed up by my parents. Edward didn't pursue his inquiry either.

Jasper was waiting for me outside of the building, like he always was. We didn't greet each other, just exchanged smiles as he took hold of my hand. "Is your knee acting up again?" Jasper asked suddenly, and I found him staring down at my legs; he'd undoubtedly noticed my right leg was twitching.

"No more than usual," I answered, and gave him a small smile. Normally the injury only acted up when it was cold, which it rarely got here, but I'd been on my feet more than usual this week. I wanted to tell Jasper that I was fine, that he could stop worrying, but I was distracted when I saw someone hurrying across the quad.

"Hang on, isn't that... Angela!" I shouted, letting go of Jasper's hand and running after her. She turned around slowly when she heard me calling her name. "I thought you were in with the flu."

"I... I got better," Angela hesitated, but I became instantly aware that it was merely an excuse; she was looking way too guilty. She pulled the straps of her shoulder bag nervously, and didn't look me in the eyes.

"Then you should have been in Dr Cullen's class just now," I said, looking at her strongly. Jasper had been right, her email had only been an excuse. She didn't look the slightest bit sick. I'd been duped.

"I... I'm sorry," Angela bowed down her head right after the tears rushed into her eyes. Rose had warned me something like this could happen; she'd taken on too many courses at once. "I thought I could handle all these classes, but it's too much. I thought that if I got an extension..." she shook her head, looking at me desperately.

"You should have talked to me, instead of coming up with an excuse that keeps you away from class," I said, and I felt Jasper joining us behind me. Part of me felt truly sorry for Angela Weber, I had seen other students struggle, including Rosalie, but we'd helped each other out. But I wasn't going to let her get away with this without there being any consequences. "You will finish that paper in three days, just like all other students. I will expect something, I don't care what it is, but you'll have it ready."

"Yes, Miss Hale," Angela nodded once, but continued to stare at her feet.

"I think you handled that very professionally," Jasper told me several minutes later; we were walking hand-in-hand again. "It's such a turn-on, Miss Hale."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."

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**if you can, please let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 3: and Harlequin Girls

**characters (POVs underlined):** Jasper/Bella, Bella/Tanya, Angela, Edward/Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** first attempt at femslash. tell me if i succeeded in making it somewhat okay? THANK YOU to everyone commenting, reading and reviewing!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**chapter three: **and harlequin girls

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_(Bella POV)_

"So what exactly is rememory?" I asked, staring around the small class room that I was currently occupying. I put my copy of Toni Morrison's _Beloved_ on the desk next to me, and waited for one of the dozen-or-so students to answer my question. It wasn't the most difficult question I could ask, I'd started with one of the more explainable concepts in the book. "Okay, let me rephrase," I sat up, and straightened my shoulders. "How does this book deal with the concept of history?" I asked, and again waited for any sort of response.

A girl in the front row, Jessica Stanley if I recall correctly, raised her hand. I nodded for her to respond. "They have to confront their pasts in order to move forward," she said carefully, and bit down on the cap of her pen.

"Yes, exactly," I said, and continued to explain myself. "It's a contradiction, the characters in the book, especially Sethe, need to confront their past, have to _re_member, in order to forget. That's the theme of rememory, the past has to come back so strong, so vividly that even other characters can see that past. In the person of Beloved herself." Not a single student looked at me as they tried to get everything down on paper.

"Our time for today is up. For next week, finish _Beloved_." I held my copy up in the air. I got down from the desk I was sitting on, carefully standing on my right leg; I realised I'd been putting way too much strain on my knee this past week. This wouldn't end well. "And don't forget to collect your graded papers on the way out." I patted the stack of folders on the desk in front of me.

"Angela, can I have a word?" I called out to her, watching her packing up her laptop carefully. She walked over to me slowly, looking down, clearly still feeling guilty over what she did. "Your paper," I handed hers over personally.

"An A-?" she looked up from the red-marked paper incredulously.

"It's a really good paper. One of the best I read," I explained. "It was well constructed and you made your argument very clear. Congratulations."

She shrugged. "But I don't deserve this."

"You handed in on time," I pressed. She looked at me, not knowing what to say. "I'm not above second chances, Angela. But don't try this again. I know college is intimidating, we've all been there. If there's anything wrong, you can talk to counsellors, teachers. We don't bite." I gave her an encouraging smile, the way I remember one of my own teachers had once done for me. I hoped I was having the same sort of effect on her.

"Thank you," she smiled back shyly, and I watched her walk out of the room. From the open door Edward was watching me. I smiled at him softly.

"That was very professional. And very nice," he said. He had his arms folded over his chest, accentuating the spectacular biceps peeking from under his rolled-up shirt sleeves. Unfortunately for my voyeur eyes, he relaxed out of the position as soon as we were alone.

"I hope you don't think I'm playing favourites."

"Not at all," he walked over to me. He had a folder in his hands; before I knew it, Edward made a formal bow and handed it to me. "My lord and master sends his gratitude and a suggestion of his own. For Dr Cullen's book." He straightened himself out again, still grinning. He was a real piece of work this one; I hadn't quite figured him out yet.

"Oh. Well, he's not working on that anymore at the moment." I took hold of the folder, brushing my hair back behind my ears with one hand. Edward frowned. "Personal reasons," I explained. "But, thank you. I'm sure it'll be helpful."

"There you are!" a voice sounded from behind Edward, and he turned to look. Behind him stood none other than Alice Brandon. "I've been looking for you." She skipped over to Edward gracefully, as always, and took hold of his arm.

"This is uhm... my girlfriend," Edward said hesitantly. I couldn't see why he suddenly hesitated; maybe he hadn't expected her to be here. So that was what Alice had been up to. Last I heard she'd disappeared from campus altogether, but apparently she had found her way back. It amused me how she always seemed to land on her feet.

"Bella, right?" she said before Edward could properly introduce her. "I remember you from class."

"Alice." I nodded, acknowledging that I remembered her too. "It's good to see you again." She still looked the same: short brown spiky hair, a colourful outfit that you couldn't find anywhere in stores. Maybe she designed her own outfits.

"So you're Cullen's new TA. I like that." She nodded, mostly to herself. "It's good that he has someone he can count on. Especially now."

Some strange part of me hated that she knew about Carlisle's problems. "Yeah," I nodded. Before I had to start thinking up excuses to go, Jasper joined us in the classroom as well. "This is Jasper, my husband," I smiled, and immediately found him smiling back at me. "This is Alice, and Edward."

"Do you two maybe wanna grab a bite with us?" Edward frowned. I found it curious, even though he stood comfortably with his arm around Alice. Maybe it was the _husband_ part that had him confused; he wouldn't be the first to think it strange. "We were just gonna get a burger or something."

Jazz looked at me and raised an eyebrow, which meant he'd let me decide. I knew we'd planned to spend the evening indoors, but an hour or two spend in good company didn't sound too bad. "Yeah sure," I said, and grabbed my bag from the desk along with some books. "I just have to drop this off at Dr Cullen's office and I'm good to go."

"Alright," Jasper said.

Edward and Alice led the way out of the classroom, Jazz and I following directly behind them. I'd felt it coming for a few days now, but the timing was just downright laughable. I'd only taken a few steps, before I felt the muscle around my joint snap to the wrong side. I crashed to the ground. "Oh shit," I cursed.

"Bella!" Jasper yelled, and was by my side in no time. I sat myself down as I grabbed for my leg.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked, her eyes wide with concern.

"Yeah, it's just..." I looked up briefly, before returning my attention to my knee. I massaged the joint carefully. "_Fuck_," I cursed again, the pain so intense that I had to close my eyes. "It's just an old injury that plays up from time to time."

"Is there anything we can do?" Edward asked. His concern for me was curious too.

"Just wait it out I'm afraid," Jasper answered for me. "Don't worry, I got her," he added, and put an arm around my shoulders, and one underneath my legs.

"Jazz," I complained, even though I welcomed his arms around me. There's no way I'd be able to make it anywhere in my current condition.

"There's no way I'm letting you walk, Bee." He raised an eyebrow. "You should know that by now."

I did know that, it didn't make me feel any less self-conscious. Stubborn man. "It's _embarrassing_," I said.

"It's for your own good," Jasper insisted. I only met with is unrelenting gaze.

"Fine," I sighed. I had no sooner spoken the word, or Jasper swooped me up from the ground. He was too strong for a guy his size really, but his strength was one of the reasons I chose him so long ago. I knew he was the kind of guy who could protect me from anything.

* * *

It took me days to get over the worst of the pain. I had prescription painkillers in the bathroom cupboard, but I've been wary about medication like that since my mom died. I saw what the drugs did to her, making her woozy, taking away what precious moments she had still left with me.

Jasper actually carried me to most of my classes. Even though he didn't like that idea in the first place, I'd convinced him that I needed to teach these classes because Carlisle had far more serious problems at home. He didn't like me sticking up for Carlisle all the time, and neglecting my own health, but I could be pretty persuasive too if I needed to be.

But now it was Sunday. Jasper was out to get us some food, and Tanya had dropped by to keep me some company as well. Tanya was another friend of ours from freshmen year; we'd found similar interests pretty quickly. She was a gorgeous strawberry-blonde with green eyes, long legs, and a tendency to use that beauty however it suited her. Rose and her got along _really_ well.

"So how hot is this Edward Masen exactly?" Tanya asked, and ran a hand through my hair. She had a thing about combing my hair, something I gladly let her do whenever she felt like it. Plus, Jazz had informed me a long time ago that watching another girl play with my hair was _fucking hot_. "Rose says he's a real looker." She worked her hands on my shoulders first; massage was one of her signature seduction moves, and trust me, she was darn good at it too.

I chuckled. "There's definitely something about him. He's kind of a gentleman," I explained. Tanya gently grabbed my long bangs and started combing my hair back, gently pulling at the knots. I was leaning back on my arms, Tanya positioned between them in lotus position. "Who knows, maybe he's Denali material."

Tanya leaned forward, her chest connecting with my back. Her body felt incredibly hot against my own. "Does that mean I get first taste?" she whispered very intently in my ear, her breath hot against me. Her lips connected with my neck seconds later, sucking at my skin. I tossed back my head carefully, softly landing back on Tanya's shoulder.

"That means we stick to the rules first," I said, but gasped when I felt Tanya's hands move around my waistline, her tongue tracing a wet line from my neck to behind my ear. God, I loved that. "And then I'll gladly give you first taste." I leaned back into her body when I felt her hand move further down, underneath the waistband of my shorts.

I pulled up my left knee to spread myself for her. Tanya's fingers crept further, her fingertips pushing at my entrance, lapping up my juices. "God, Bee. You're so delicious," her voice sounded thick with longing; it send a jolt of desire right down to my core. She slipped two fingers inside of me at once, my eyes fluttering shut.

The voices sounding from behind the door were drowned out by my moan. Tanya buried her other hand in my shorts as well, finding my clit easily. _Only girls_. She started rubbing my nub carefully, only making me groan in pleasure. "Oh God." I felt my arms quivering, turning jelly quickly.

The door to the apartment opened, and closed, but I was beyond hearing.

"Ahh!" I squealed. Only girls would know how to elicit reactions like that from me so fast. The two fingers moving in and out of me were hard, rough, fucking me relentlessly. The thumb on my clit moved carefully, like it was afraid of breaking something, keeping only surface tension, giving me that devilish toe-curling feeling. My throat vibrated with suppressed screams.

Suddenly I felt someone's warm lips on my knee. _Jasper_. I whimpered. We locked eyes for a split moment, but he returned his attention to my skin, his teeth raking fucking deliciously over the inside of my thigh. He could probably smell my arousal. "So fucking beautiful, Bee," he spoke in a low voice, his lips vibrating against my skin.

"Hmm," I whimpered again, feeling myself inch closer, my breathing becoming more laboured. It didn't help that I felt Jasper make his way up my body, breathing me in deeply.

He was hovering over me when I locked eyes with him again, my eyes swimming in arousal and desire. He captured my lips with his, and now I heard Tanya moan as well. "Come for me, baby," she said, her voice straining against her own titillation. She was too fucking good at this. I came, hard, my lips still locked with Jasper's, but I released them in a scream, release washing over my body, pulsing through my core.

Jasper's hand moved around my waistline, and up my back, supporting me when Tanya scooted back. He laid me down gently.

"Told you we'd take care of you, didn't we?" Tanya chuckled, and settled her body against mine on the bed; Jasper was on my other side. My whole body felt like jell-o now, every knot worked out. I couldn't even be bothered by the painful throbbing in my knee.

"You're too good to me." I smiled softly, closing my eyes when I saw Tanya leaning in. Her tongue flicked across my upper lip, and I opened my mouth to grant her access. The tip of her tongue grazed mine, but she quickly sucked me in further, stronger, kissing me deeply. When she pulled back she planted a single soft kiss on my lips. Our signature.

"I have to go," she whispered; her tone of voice told me that she was utterly satisfied too. We all had our rules, but Tanya didn't stand on getting off. She'd probably find some satisfaction later tonight from an all too willing participant. "Wouldn't want to miss my French class. _Je vous aime, mes amours_," she called back, and disappeared from the bedroom. I didn't even know why she took French classes, she was brilliant at it already.

"Who were you talking to earlier?" I asked, inching closer to Jasper on the bed. My body was starting to cool down, and his arms were warm and inviting as always.

"Alice," Jasper answered. I frowned. Why would she come by on her own? "She dropped by to hand you some herbal ointment for your knee. Says it should help with the pain. I thought it was best she didn't come in." It probably was for the best too. I chuckled loudly. Jasper's fingertips were tracing up the inside of my knee again. It made me want to curl my toes.

"You do know that only tenses up my knee, right?" I raised an eyebrow, and bit down on my bottom lip.

"I would imagine it tenses up something else entirely," he said, and moved his lips to the crook of my neck, nipping at my skin softly. I briefly wondered if we had replenished our supply of condoms.

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	5. Chapter 4: The Poor Groom

**characters (POVs underlined):** Bella, Tanya, Rosalie, Edward/Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** sorry for the wait! other stories and real life are constantly hijacking my brain. but today i'm on a role, and i really want to get this story told. hope you enjoy. super special thanks to my beta **emily_sheppard** (who's come out of hiding).

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**chapter four: **what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore

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_(Bella POV)_

My knee injury was inconvenient at best, but a downright disaster when the weather outside was wonderful. I never tanned, even if I took the time and effort, but I loved bathing in the sun, or just hanging outside with my friends. Right now, Jasper was out to teach his classes, and the prospect of staying in the apartment alone all day grading papers got me down. So I rang up Rose and Emmett; a big guy like Rose's man had me out of bed in no time.

We settled down underneath a tree on the lawn outside the graduate residence where Rose and Emmett shared a flat, which was conveniently close to the one Jazz and I lived in. Emmett left us pretty fast because he had frat-boy obligations he just couldn't get out of. Rose and I both knew that it would break his little fanboy heart if he had to miss any of the Guitar Hero battles currently being held at the Kappa Kappa Psi fraternity house.

"Oh, I like this one!" Tanya, who had joined us as well, exclaimed. Her finger rested on the silhouette of a model wearing a pearl-white knee-long wedding dress in one of the many magazines Rose and I had bought over the past few weeks.

"I don't know." Rose flipped through the magazine quickly, and opened the page to a gorgeous halter-neck off-white wedding dress that reached all the way down to the ground. "This, my loves, this is _the_ dress for _moi_." All three of us chuckled. We all knew about Rose's ridiculously expensive taste.

"Bella!" I heard my name called from not too far away. I raised a hand to shield my eyes from the sun, but quickly noticed Alice skipping over to where we were sitting. "Hi! I thought that was you." She came to a halt in front of us, but remained standing.

"Alice. Hi." I smiled up at her. "This is Rosalie, and Tanya."

"Nice to meet you both." She put her hands behind her back, giving her the appearance of a princess girl out on her first excursion, this further accentuated by the dark-pink strapless dress she was wearing. "What are you doing out here? I thought you were on bed rest."

"Oh, don't worry, we're taking good care of her," Rose answered for me. All three of my best friends were in on the conspiracy with Jasper; they would probably take shifts guarding me if they believed I would risk more injury to my knee. "She won't be standing on that leg any time soon."

"Your herbal cream has been doing wonders, by the way. Thanks so much for that." At this point, I didn't even need to pretend to be nice. I didn't know what was in that little jar, but it had eased my pain in a matter of hours after I'd applied the cream. If I knew Alice any better, I would have kissed her. "Why don't you join us?" I extended an invitation instead. "You're just waiting for Edward, right?" I asked, because I knew he lived somewhere around here too.

"Yeah. He's taking me out to dinner." She sat down on the blue-checked sheet in front of us. "Bridal magazines?" Alice said, as soon as the stack caught her eye; I hadn't expected any less from a _fashionista_ like her.

"I'm getting married," Rose explained, and extended her hand to show off the beautiful diamond ring Emmett had gotten her three months before. He'd asked my help picking it out, to make sure everything was perfect. Emmett came from a pretty wealthy family, as did Rose and Tanya. Jasper and I were the only ones paying for our own tuitions.

"Congrats!" Alice exclaimed. "When's the wedding?"

"Oh, we're just dreaming up some stuff for now." Rose cast down her eyes, and a tinge of sadness ran through me. I knew she wanted to get married badly, have her fairytale wedding. Despite coming from wealthy families, their families didn't approve of Rosalie and Emmett getting married so soon. If they wanted to get married, they'd have to pay for it themselves. I exchanged a look with Tanya and raised an eyebrow conspiringly. Tanya shook her head _no_. "There's no way I can afford any of this." Rose looked back up at Alice.

"_Well_... if you want I could help you out." Alice carefully pried the bridal magazine from Rosalie's hands, and looked at the dress we had been staring at minutes before. "I get crazy discount at this amazing fabric store. I design all my own clothes."

"You designed that?" Rosalie's eyes went wide as she examined Alice top to bottom. "And you would want to help? Oh my God, could you?" she almost squealed. Alice's smile grew wider. There was no stopping Rose now. "I would owe you big-time. I'll pay for everything of course. And you'd _have_ to be a bridesmaid. Bee and Tan have already agreed and three bridesmaids would be perfect. And your Edward needs to come too! Then there are three guys too."

"Who's the third guy?" Alice frowned.

"Doctor Cullen offered too. So sweet of him," Rose continued. Again I looked at Tanya, who was already staring at me in defeat. We'd better just tell Rose. "Oh my God, I'm getting way too excited again," Rose despaired. "I don't even have a location."

"Well, Rose?" I said, putting a comforting arm around her. Tanya did the same from her side. "Now that we're in the process of making you happy. Carlisle has offered his garden up as a possible location."

"He—" Rose looked at me intently. "What?"

"Surprise," Tanya and I shouted, making _jazzhands_ in the process to add a little theatrical exposition. Rose clasped a hand over her mouth, her eyes going wide and filling up with tears. I instantly felt the urge to wrap my arms tightly around her.

"You guys are the best friends in the world!" she did squeal this time, and both Tanya and me hugged her tightly. "This is... oh God." Rose had never called on God this many times before in her life. She waved her hands in front of her face, as if the tears would magically disappear somehow. They didn't.

"Hi, babe," Edward's voice came out of nowhere. We'd all been too preoccupied with Rose and her little emotional outburst that he'd managed to sneak up on us from across the quad. "Bella. Ladies," he said, like a true gentleman. His voice was like velvet, but I tried not to think about that too much. Just like Tanya, I had to stick to certain rules.

Alice jumped up from the quilt. "This is Rosalie and Tanya," she introduced the two new faces properly. "And guess what?" She threw her arms around Edward's neck, his hands roaming to her waistline. His hipbones showed through his white shirt. God, was it the painkillers going to my head, or was this man currently exuding sex? "We were just invited to Rose's wedding. I'm going to be a bridesmaid!" Alice jumped up and down.

Edward looked down at Rosalie. "I should warn you," he said. Rosalie didn't look up at him; she was busy writing down something on one of her notepads. His eyes held mine for a few seconds, before he continued speaking. "Once she starts planning, she goes all out." Alice looked down at me as well, then back up at Edward. Her arms wrapped tighter around him.

"She'd better," Rosalie said, and held out a paper to Alice. The interaction between Edward and me passed Rose by completely. "Here are all our numbers, so call us. And we'll get planning when you're ready."

"Coolies." Alice beamed, and took Edward by the hand. All three of us watched them walk off together. I noticed Edward's stride was a little off beat, like one of his legs was longer than the other. I found myself grinning after him.

"She seemed awfully... _cheerful_," Tanya interrupted my train of thought. When I looked at her, she was already staring at me, a devious glint in her eye as if she'd just caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

I smiled at her surreptitiously. "She's living proof that not everyone in this world has had a bad childhood," I answered, trying to keep a straight face, but I knew Tanya had some idea that I found Edward attractive. How could anyone not? It was made all the more challenging by him having a girlfriend. "She comes on a bit strong, but she's okay." I didn't particularly think that she was best friend material, but I didn't hate her either.

"You guys, this wedding is finally happening!" It seemed our gossip passed Rose by completely too. She was too surprised by all the developments. "I have to go tell Emmett!" She jumped up on her knees, grabbed all her magazines, and put them in her bag. "See you later, beebs." She smiled broadly and kissed us both on the cheek. She was running by the time she reached the residence.

"Maybe we should have waited to tell her." My eyes narrowed, watching Rosalie disappear out of sight. "Emmett won't know what hit him." But I also knew that whatever got Rosalie excited and made her happy, was very much worth it to Emmett.

"What's that Alice girl doing with a guy like Edward?" Now it was Tanya tuning out on the conversation. She started picking at the grass. "They're all wrong for each other." She made it sound like Edward dating Alice was a personal insult to all of us.

"Tanya, haven't you heard?" I reached for her chin, and made her turn her head towards me again. "Loves isn't only blind, it makes you stupid too." I chuckled, followed quickly by Tanya's. "I don't know. She seems nice enough." I shrugged, and crossed my legs. Most people would feel guilty thinking of other people like that, especially when you're married. But Tanya, me and the others weren't most people.

Tanya's eyes narrowed. "I think I slept with her."

"Excuse me?" My eyes went wide in surprise. "And you neglected to tell us this because—" I was determined to get more information. I knew Alice slept with women. Her tendency to sleep with her students was one of the reasons Carlisle had fired her. But now Tanya? Maybe I should rethink disliking Alice Brandon.

"It was before we met." Tanya shook her head, and her eyes narrowed while she thought more about it. "Alice. Yeah. In my freshmen year, we slept together after some frat party. A whirlwind that one." I couldn't exactly blame Tanya; if the sex was good, you could hate a person all you wanted and still manage to get naked with them. "Guess she swings both ways."

"Who doesn't these days?" I deadpanned. Tanya didn't seem to disagree.

"You're into him, aren't you?" I should have expected that question. It didn't throw me off; Tanya and I had a history of talking about our sexual exploits very openly. But she seemed very curious about Edward Masen.

"Can you really blame me?" I asked, and flashed her a cute innocent smile, batting my eyelashes in the process.

"Well, if it's any consolation, you've got my vote." I chuckled to myself again, leaning back on my arms. It would be a rather beautiful picture. Rose with Emmet, me with Jasper. And Edward with Tanya. Friends with extra-special benefits, with very clear rules about who got to do who. "Doubt that the others will be difficult to persuade." I doubted that too.

"You're right," I said, and looked at Tanya. She lay back on the sheet, and nodded her head to me. I scooted closer to her and lay back in her arms. "After all, everyone knows that sharing is caring, right?"

Both Tanya and me broke out in loud laughter.

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**if you can, please let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 5: Before Your Very Eyes

**characters (POVs underlined):** Jasper/Bella, Carlisle, Michael (OC), Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** update time! sorry for the wait, i really do have every intention of finishing this story, but school and real life is getting in the way regularly. i hope you'll stick it out, because things will be shaken up very soon!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**chapter five: **before your very (lalalala) eyes

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_(Bella POV)_

"Mm, Jazz," I moaned loudly, feeling Jasper's lips sucking greedily at my collarbone, easing his tongue over the bruises. His hips bucked up into me, burying himself deeper inside me. His hands were on my hips, guiding them in a steady rhythm in chime with my moans.

I felt how his hands crept around my waistline, and he grabbed me there tightly, pulling me down again onto his cock, and he groaned deeply. His fingers dug into my skin hard, painfully hard, but it send a thrill of excitement up my spine. "So beautiful," I heard him utter, and I looked down at him. His eyes were completely focused on me, on my face, my body; he was watching me enjoy him.

One of his hands tugged at my hair gently, before travelling down my neck, between my breasts. His fingers were still slicked in my wetness from earlier, and he was leaving trails of it all over me. The entire room smelled of sex.

"Happy anniversary," he whispered in my ear. Instead of answering him I ran my tongue over the shell of his ear and then slightly pulled his lobe with my teeth.

"Happy anniversary," I said when I looked down at him, throwing my long hair back over my shoulder. I leaned in, and captured his lips with my own.

* * *

_(Bella POV)_

"Oh, which one you got there?" I went through my knees in front of Michael, and he held out the book he'd just picked off one of the piles around the room. "_Delillo_," I said, and looked up at the big bookcase looming over us. "That is all the way up there." I pointed at the second shelf, Michael's eyes going wide as he looked up too. "Come here." I opened my arms for him, and he ran into them eagerly.

My knee twitched slightly when I raised myself up again with Michael in my arms, but kept it together. It wasn't anything I wasn't used to. I reached for the second shelf, and opened a space between two books. "Here you go," I said, and Michael reached over with the book. "Good boy." I bounced him up and down in my arms, and he ruffled through my hair.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed when the door opened, and Carlisle walked it. Carlisle's face immediately lit up when he caught sight of his little boy.

"Hey, buddy," Carlisle walked over to us quickly, and took over Michael. I watched Michael put his little hands on Carlisle's face, and as much as I wasn't for petty sentiment, my heart melted. My own childhood was far from cosy and warm, but it was something I had accepted. There's nothing about the past that can be changed. Whenever I saw Carlisle with his family though, I wished the past wasn't set in stone. "Bella," Carlisle's voice made me snap out of my thoughts. "Thank you so much for taking care of him."

"Not at all." I shook my head and brushed my hair back behind my ears. "You know how much I love this lil' guy." I crinkled my nose at Michael and he giggled. "And anything I can do to help—" I shrugged, and stared down at my feet.

"This is for you," Carlisle said, and when I looked up again he was holding out a letter for me. "For your anniversary," he added, and I hesitated to take the letter. Carlisle only sparsely gave me presents, because the faculty frowned down upon it. But I knew that I had become far more than just his TA over the past year.

"Carlisle," I said when I opened the letter and noticed a cheque inside. It was too much, I didn't deserve this. It wasn't even about deserving it, part of me didn't _want_ it. It felt wrong to take Carlisle's money; he was much more of a father or a mentor to me. "I can't take this." I shook my head again, and looked up at him.

"Please," he insisted, putting Michael down on the ground again. He gave me one of his infamous Carlisle stares, with so much compassion and caring in his eyes that it was almost impossible for me to resist it. "It's the least I can do. See it as compensation for all the times you've taken care of Michael."

I sighed deeply, but knew that I could do little to dissuade Carlisle. "Thank you," I said, and smiled. I put the envelope in my bag, making a mental note to just put the money on our bank account, and ease Jasper into the idea of Carlisle giving us money. I knew he would be averse to the idea. But we could really use the money.

"You have anything special planned?" Carlisle asked, going through his knees to properly dress Michael before heading back home.

"Dinner and a movie today." And sex, lots of sex, but I looked away from Carlisle when I had the thought. I went back to the stack of books I was trying to alphabetize. "We're having some friends over for dinner tomorrow."

"Rose and Emmet?" Carlisle immediately asked, Michael jumping up and down in front of him while he tried to get his coat on.

"Alice actually, and her boyfriend Edward." I didn't look at Carlisle when I said it. I knew Alice hadn't been on her best behaviour when she was his TA, and I didn't know how Carlisle felt about her now. I put some books on their designated shelves and turned around. "Professor Molina's TA?" To be honest, I would have liked to invite Edward alone, but Jasper thought it would be more polite to invite Alice as well.

"I've met him," Carlisle nodded, and zipped up Michael's coat. "He seems like a decent boy. Let's hope he stays that way with Alice." I couldn't hold back a chuckle. So it seemed that Carlisle hadn't forgiven Alice for everything yet. I gave the ring around my finger two decisive turns. I didn't sleep around outside my happy band of friends, but sleeping with students was a bad idea no matter what situation you were in. I went back to the big piles of books resting on the table in front of me.

There was a sudden knock on the door, and both Carlisle and I turned towards the sound. Jasper came in soundlessly, as always; he knew how to blend into the background far too easily. "Jas'er!" Michael squealed, and trotted over to him, clutching around his leg tightly.

"Hey, Mikey." Jasper grinned down at the little boy hogging up his leg, and walked over to me with Michael still attached. He was generally very good with children, much more than me. I was only good with Michael. "Hey, babe," he said, walking over to me and pressing a firm kiss to my lips.

"Jasper," Carlisle greeted him, and Jasper nodded in return. Carlisle took another envelope out of his jacket, and held it out for Jasper. "This is for you. I thought it would be a nice gift for your anniversary."

My eyes went wide. More gifts? This was too much. Maybe Carlisle knew me better than I thought; he knew I'd wait to tell Jasper about the money, if I ever told him at all. And he seemed to know that Jasper would never take his money directly. But Jasper's envelope held two baseball tickets. There was no way he was going to say no to that; him and Emmett would have a blast. "Wow. Thanks," Jasper said, but didn't meet Carlisle's eye again.

"Well, I must be going," Carlisle said, and looked down at his watch. He'd no doubt picked up on Jasper's unease. Nothing in life had ever come very easy to us, except maybe falling in love, but Jasper didn't like the idea of owing someone. Especially Carlisle. There was really no need for him to feel that way, because Carlisle didn't expect anything in return. "Mommy will be expecting us." Carlisle looked down at Michael, and he immediately released Jasper's leg.

"Bye Bella! Bye Jas'er!" Michael called out, looking back over his shoulder while making his way out of the room. Carlisle didn't entirely close the door behind him.

"He really shouldn't do this," Jasper put his envelope in his back pocket, and looked around the room disinterested. "What'd he get you?" He looked back at me.

"Do you really want to know?" I turned on my heels, making my way back to the still half-empty bookcases. Jasper didn't answer, which told me he'd rather not know for a while. But I couldn't lie to him, so he'd find out sooner or later.

His hands were on my shoulders before I'd even heard him move behind me. _Stealthy fucker_. I felt him brush my hair to the side and then he was kissing my neck, sucking eagerly at that spot right behind my ear. "Jazz, not here," I breathed, but automatically threw my head back on his shoulder, exposing my throat; he started sucking at it greedily.

"Why not?" His lips brushed against my skin, and it was soft for once, but I knew that wouldn't last long. It never did. He pushed his groin tightly up against my ass, and God, he was so hard already and making me so goddamn horny. There was no way I'd be able to say no to this for long.

"I'm working." I moaned despite myself; I was pretty sure I couldn't convince him one bit. His hands moved down my hips, until his fingers found the hem of my skirt and before I knew it he was pulling it up again, the fabric scraping against my skin. His fingers left the ghostly presence of a close touch. "Hmm," I groaned, and felt my skin exposed, Jasper's hands warm on my butt cheeks. Leave it to him to know I wouldn't be wearing any panties. "What if... what if someone hears us?" but I knew for a fact that I wouldn't really care if someone did.

"You'll just have to be. very. quiet," he whispered intently in my ear. _Fuck_ I loved it when he talked to me like that, his voice low and husky. There was not a single thought in my mind that even considered to back out now. His hands found the inside of my thighs and I spread my legs for him. It was remarkable how quickly he always managed to find that spot; his thumb started stroking my clit gently.

"Oh God." I knew I was stuttering , but I didn't care. I pushed my ass into him, onto his hard erection. Three books crashed down to the ground hard when I reached my arm back to dig into Jasper's hair. I couldn't find the mindset to check whether or not I had just destroyed one of Carlisle's precious heirlooms; I was completely focused on Jasper.

"Fuck, babe, you're too good at this," Jasper cursed; I must have been doing something right. "Turn around," he commanded and removed his fingers; I whimpered in complaint. He whirled me around, and my hands flew to the front of his jeans immediately; I dug a hand into the front of his trousers and gave his dick a light squeeze. His eyes grew dark with desire.

He let me unbutton his jeans, but as soon as I freed his erection, he grabbed both my arms by the wrists, and locked them firmly above my head. He always told me how small my wrists were; he only needed one hand to keep them in place. A wail escaped my throat when I felt his dick teasing my entrance, it drove me absolutely mad when he did that. "Fuck me," I begged, and pushed my head back against the dark wood of the bookcase.

He looked up at me, and I looked at him, smirks appearing on both our faces. I leaned in, our tongues connecting before our lips did, a dirty yet tantalizing kiss ensuing that turned me on even more, if that was even possible. He grabbed one of my legs and draped it around his hip, taking all the strain from my bad knee.

Jasper slid into me hard and fast, and I would have cried out if the sound wasn't drowned in his mouth, sending vibrations all the way down his throat. "AH!" I cried out again when he pumped in and out of me, his bottom lip between my teeth. He was fucking me right up against the bookcase, hard, thrusting in and out without ever setting a steady rhythm. I felt my back scrape up and down against the wood, but the pain didn't matter, only Jasper. My nails dug into the skin of his shoulders. I knew I wouldn't last long. I didn't need to either.

I raked my teeth over his neck. I thought I was completely focused on Jasper, but I couldn't miss the flash of green eyes that stared at us from the doorway. The door was ajar, so I couldn't tell if she saw me spotting her, but she didn't move either way. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. _Alice_. The thought of someone watching Jasper and me fuck turned me on even more, like it usually did.

Jasper's fingers dug into my ass, adding more bruises, but I didn't once look away from the door. I was so hot for him, and damn it, for Alice too. "Fucking hell, Bee," Jasper cursed when I tightened my walls around him. He pressed himself up against me, my breasts achingly tight against his chest, but I revelled in having him so close while I felt my orgasm building up. I had to steady myself with a hand on one of the shelves when I felt his hand move, finding a way between our bodies so he could send me over the edge along with him. Soon I felt his thumb circling my clit, rough circles round and round. My hips bucked into him involuntarily.

I heard a gasp coming from the hallway. I didn't know if Jasper heard it, or if he chose to ignore it. He wouldn't mind someone watching either. Watching, and being watched was a big part of our relationship.

I was so close to exploding, and Jasper was so fucking good at hitting that spot deep inside of me and _fuck_, if I didn't think of something I was going to cry out for the entire campus to hear. His thumb never relented and I was edging closer, his movements becoming longer, fast and slow strokes and _fuck_ I was coming, and I didn't want to shout. I bit down in his neck hard, sending him shivering against me violently as his orgasm hit him as well. "FUCK!" he shouted, but not nearly as loud as I would have, "Goddamn it Bee." He slammed a hand into the bookcase hard, pushing into me one last time, milking himself to the last drop.

I heard footsteps scurrying away from the door in the hallway.

"Who did we just give a free peepshow?" Jasper put me down gently, and smirked down at me. So he _had_ noticed.

"Alice," I breathed, my chest still rising and falling fast, but smiled up at him deviously. I had to hand it to her; she might not be my most favourite person in the world, but she peeked my interest just as much as Edward did. Perhaps it was a good thing we'd invited them both to dinner.

"Tanya wasn't kidding about her, was she?" Jasper asked, and walked me over to one of the sofas in the office. Tanya had told everyone about sleeping with Alice by now. There were no secrets between any of us.

I raised an eyebrow surreptitiously. "Or Carlisle." Tomorrow was going to be very interesting.

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**if you can, please let me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 6: Ruining This Banquet

**characters (POVs underlined):** Jasper/Bella, Edward/Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content. profanity.**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** w00t, i really felt like writing some other perspectives, let me know what you think of them. i'm quite proud of how long and decent this chapter turned out. extras are on my profile, like what my characters wear, and story banners. thanks to all you wonderful readers that have left me comments/reviews! super special thanks to **helaluvE** for sharing her thoughts with me!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES;;**

**chapter six: **ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring

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_(Alice POV)_

The first time I ever saw Bella I only noticed her because of the hunk on her arm. Jasper Hale: tall, blond, and absolutely delicious from top to bottom. Bella didn't really stand out, which I think was something she preferred, despite having the looks and personality to be universally likeable. She found her own friends in Rosalie and Emmett, and of course she was married to Jasper. They always seemed like such an unbreakable tight click, exclusive. I'd never wanted to be part of any clicks clearly defined like that, but that band of friends was something new. I found them fascinating.

I didn't know how Tanya Denali had so quickly found her place with them. I could understand why though: it seemed that Bella was in the habit of surrounding herself with the most gorgeous people walking around on campus. Tanya Denali was a fucking legend. I think I was one of the first ones to actually sleep with her in freshman year. And I wouldn't object to doing it again. Rosalie Hale was known all over campus as 'the girl next door', meaning no one could have her except for her man Emmett.

Emmett McCarty was equally a legend, in the frat boy world that was. He was at every single frat party, was the president of a dozen clubs, and of course had the help of his Rosalie in the process. Come to think, Tanya did seem like the odd one out. It was Jasper and Bella I knew almost nothing about. I saw them walking around on campus all the time, in love to the point where anyone would get jealous, but I knew nothing off their pasts. And it was the mystery surrounding them that I found most intriguing.

Bella and I had talked a few times, back when I was Carlisle's TA, and even helped her out with some assignments. She was sweet, and nice, and not to mention absolutely gorgeous too, but she never seemed to realise that about herself. It always seemed to me that she was hiding something beneath the surface. Like somehow she was pretending to be someone she wasn't. Maybe that was why we never really clicked, and didn't become friends. Something told me that me being with Edward had suddenly changed that.

I'd seen the looks Bella threw Edward, and the ones he gave her in return. I didn't think they were interested in each other, but they were definitely curious enough to want to get to know each other. That made it all the more interesting for me. I liked Bella, and she was my way into this click that had been fascinating me for the past two years. It was a way into Tanya's arms, and who knew, maybe some other fun in the process by the name of Jasper Hale. They might have been married, but I'd seen Bella flirt with enough guys to suspect she slept around.

I wasn't looking to catch them in the act, or lying in wait until I was able to catch them. I'd brought Edward some coffee while he worked late in Professor Molina's office, and I thought I'd drop by Doctor Cullen's office to say hi. But when I got there, the smell of their two bodies was already in the air. I'd wanted to turn away, to look away immediately, but then I saw Bella catching my eyes, and not releasing them. I was pinned in place. And so fucking horny just watching them.

I'd never wanted to touch myself so badly; I'd never wanted to touch two people so badly at the same time. Jasper was actually holding her up against the bookcase; I'd only ever experienced that kind of strength in Edward. Jasper Hale wetted my appetite in a way not a lot of men were able to anymore.

"How do I look?" I asked Edward, putting in my earrings in front of the mirror. I was actually nervous about this dinner. Part of me knew that Edward had been my ticket into this group of people, and I felt bad for using him, but Edward and I had an understanding about those things.

"You look beautiful," he said, but he hadn't even so much as looked at me. He was nervous too, and I felt a little bit of panic striking my heart. We'd only been together for a few months, and hadn't talked about exclusivity or anything, but I wasn't quite sure how I thought about Edward and some other girl. I knew I had no right to see him as my sole property, after all, I slept around too, but I knew Edward as a stand-up guy and a true gentleman. I'd feel insulted if he fell for another girl, because he'd never _just sleep_ around with someone.

"You always say that." I turned around, and looked at him, slightly agitated. He could at least try.

He looked up at me, guilt in his eyes. I felt instantly bad for calling him out on it. Edward had this way about him; he could beg forgiveness just by looking at me the right way. "That's because it's true." He walked over to me, and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled up at him, forgiving him just like he was no doubt expecting me to, and let him kiss me.

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_(Bella POV)_

"Here. Brought you this." Edward held out a bottle of wine for Jasper. I was sitting at the living room table, resting my knee. Alice ran over to me, and handed me a small plant.

"Thanks so much," I said. Alice bend down and kissed my cheek. We locked eyes, her green ones resting in mine for a few seconds. Alice smiled at me softly, kindly, but she had this way of putting a devious glint in her eyes that told me all about her. She knew I'd seen her watching us last night; she knew I'd let her watch us.

"Bee, don't you dare get up from that chair," Jasper called out to me from the kitchen when he saw me get up to kiss Edward on the cheek as well. "So help me God, I will sit you right back down."

"Yes, sir." I saluted Jasper, and smiled up at Edward. Edward leaned in and kissed my cheek. He smelled so fucking natural and untouched that I wanted to run my nose along his skin and breathe him in. But I contained myself.

Alice's eyes went wide in mockery after hearing Jasper's orders. "Bossy much," she said.

"She's been on her feet all day making dinner." Jasper walked over and put the opened bottle of wine on the table. He looked at me in warning, and I narrowed my eyes conspicuously. "If she doesn't rest her leg now, she'll go through it again in no time."

"What's wrong with it anyway?" Alice looked back at me in wonder, after Jasper went back to the kitchen. "Wouldn't surgery help?"

"We're saving up," I nodded, deliberately answering only one of her questions. Alice didn't need to know how I'd hurt it in the first place. "But I deemed our college educations more important for the time being."

Suddenly, a clattering sound filled up the apartment. Jasper had dropped something in the kitchen. I chuckled, and started to get up from the table, but Alice stopped me. "Don't get up!" She put out her hands. "I'll go help him." And before I could protest she had already joined Jasper in the kitchen. I was left alone with Edward in the living room.

"Wine?" I asked, and Edward nodded in response. He sat down opposite me at the living room table, avoiding my eyes. I poured four glasses of wine. "Do you guys live on campus?" I asked, and looked up at him curiously.

"I do," Edward nodded, and shifted in his seat. Was it just me or was he actually nervous? I found it absolutely adorable. "And Alice's practically living there now too." He leaned his arms down on the table, and smirked at me. His lips curled to the right, leaving a dimple in his cheek. "But she has her own place in town, close to where she works." He cleared his throat and looked away from me. It seemed that I was making him uncomfortable.

I heard Alice giggle, and both Edward and I looked towards the kitchen. I briefly wondered what she and Jasper were talking about. "And here we are." Alice appeared from the kitchen suddenly, wearing oven mitts to carry the hot tray over to the table. "Mushroom ravioli." She put the tray down in the middle of the table, and served all of us. "I didn't know you could cook," she said as she handed me my plate.

"Bella was cooking in the womb," Jasper answered for me as he sat down next to me. "You should have seen the look on our mom's face, waking up to Bella cooking breakfast for the entire family." Alice and Edward threw each other a sideway glance, noticing how Jasper had said _our _mom, and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"We grew up in foster care," I explained. Both Alice and Edward looked down apologetically. "It's how we met." I looked at Jasper, and he grinned at me. The look he gave me made me feel warmer inside.

The phone by the bed rang suddenly; Jasper got up to answer it.

"Edward grew up in foster care as well," Alice said. Edward glanced at her briefly, making it pretty clear that this wasn't something he wanted to talk about. I couldn't really blame him.

"Oh, you did?" I asked carefully, even though I didn't want to ask him about it. But I felt like Alice had driven us in a corner it was difficult to get out off.

"Yeah. My parents died when I was six." Edward took a sip from his wine, and stared down at his plate. "I was adopted into my foster family a few years later." He was one of the lucky ones then. I had spent my youth in one and the same foster family, but Jasper had been bouncing around for several years before ending up in the same family as me.

I was grateful when Jasper joined us at the table again. "Who was it?" I asked him.

"Phil," he said softly, and squeezed my arm under the table. I tried my best not to lose my calm right there and then. Always in the way that man. "Told him you'd get him later," Jasper added, just to avoid raising suspicions. He knew I wouldn't be returning the call.

"You don't have to mind us." Alice looked at me concerned. "Go right ahead."

"No God, it's okay." I shook my head. I thought it was best to go with the same lie Jasper had just started. "My uhm... _stepdad_ and I don't really get along. But I'm all he has since my mom died. Trust me, if I took the phone I'd be on it for hours."

"So you met in foster care," Edward changed the subject now. I think both Jasper and I realised that Edward had picked up on the lie. It was insane how attracted I was starting to feel to this man. "You've been together since?"

"Would have if it'd been up to me," Jasper huffed, turning his glass in his hands.

I rolled my eyes and looked at him. We'd had this conversation many times before. I was twelve when we first met, and in no way interested in starting a relationship, if I even knew what that meant back then. "We were friends long before we ever got together," I told Edward.

"That's good, to have that basis and know each other before plunging into the deep," Edward said. I looked at him curiously, disbelieving what I was actually hearing. He really was a gentleman, and a romantic soul at that. Did that mean I had no shot with him without getting to know him?

"Hey!" Alice complained, feigning insult, and she poked Edward hard in his side.

"Of course I don't mean you, babe." Edward threw an arm around Alice and pulled her closer in a hug. My eyes didn't leave Edward's body; Alice's eyes didn't leave me. "How long did it take you to haul her in?" he asked Jasper.

"Hey!" it was my turn to feel insulted. It seemed that underneath the gentleman exterior, there was a real college guy as well. I could live with that. And I could definitely use that to my advantage.

"Four years, man," Jasper answered, and grinned. "Four fucking years."

"What finally made you cave?" Alice asked, mesmerized. I never thought anyone would be this interested in knowing this about Jasper and me. But then maybe in Alice's case I knew exactly why; she was curious to learn more about us. "Oh do tell, Bells," she added. The nickname made my heart rate rise; only Phil ever called me that, and that wasn't exactly something I needed to remember. Jasper laced his fingers with mine underneath the table.

"Well," I started, and looked at Jasper briefly. I could do this properly; we'd told this lie before. "I got asked to prom by a senior when I was sixteen. Of course I was absolutely thrilled. I dressed up nicely, got all excited; and I was having a great time too. Until he decided to get drunk." It became easier to tell the story every time I repeated it. The past didn't matter anyway.

"Asshole," Jasper sneered.

"Jazz." I squeezed his hand in return. I knew he didn't like me euphemizing this part. "Anyway, he started groping me on the dance floor, and if there's one thing a guy did not do to me, was grope me. Suddenly Jasper jumps out of the shadows, pushes him off me, but I was not letting him off the hook that easy."

"Oh my God, did you hit him?" Alice asked excitedly; she seemed absolutely thrilled to hear this story. Our story wasn't exactly something to get excited about. But I guessed that was just the way Alice was.

"Oh, she hit him alright," Jasper answered for me. "Socked him one right on the nose. Guy couldn't breathe right for a week."

"That's so romantic," Alice almost squealed.

"We've been inseparable ever since," I concluded.

"And then you got married. Oh my God, that's just _so_ romantic!" Jasper and I exchanged looks; we knew it was everything but. In reality, James the _jock_, had tried to rape me in the parking lot. I had hit him, but only because I was afraid that Jasper might actually kill him. I'd never seen him that angry, so protective of me. It had definitely given me a lot to think about.

After dinner, Alice commanded the boys to do the dishes, seeing as how I couldn't get up, and the girls needed to catch up. Jasper and Edward didn't argue.

"So how did you two meet?" I asked, watching Edward walk towards the kitchen. I didn't even mind if Alice noticed it. "I thought you went back home after..." I didn't really want to say it out loud; I had no idea how Alice felt about getting fired by Carlisle.

"Oh yeah, I did for a while," Alice nodded, and kept her eyes on me. It seemed she had no problem with talking about this whatsoever. "I met Edward there, he was visiting a friend. When I heard he was coming here as TA, I decided to come back myself. Face those rumours head on."

"I'll drink to that." I raised my glass and we both took a sip.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Alice blurted out suddenly. I blinked, putting down my glass slowly, but Alice only kept staring at me. I felt a coy smile creeping along my lips, and before I knew it I was grinning at her softly.

"That's okay," I said eventually, and didn't once release her gaze. "We didn't mind," I specifically added Jasper to my statement. He'd loved it just as much as I did.

Alice's eyes widened slightly, but she kept any further excitement to herself. She uncrossed her legs underneath the table, and crossed them again, sitting up straighter. It was clear that she had no idea where to go from here. It was one thing to learn about how Jasper and I met, but to learn that we liked people watching while we had sex? Now that was entirely different thing.

"So you guys..." Alice didn't finish her sentence; she was at a total loss for words.

"Well, we're not prudes, that's for sure," I answered, and sniggered. What else does a person say to that? Alice giggled loudly, throwing her head back.

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_(Edward POV)_

The first time I ever saw Bella, she was talking to Professor Molina in the hallway. She stood clutching a folder in her arms, supporting the underside of it on her hip. It was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. There was a ring around her ring finger, and one around her index finger; I spotted them when she brushed her hair back behind her ears. She smiled at Professor Molina shyly, but it all seemed an act, a theatre play she put on for a world she tried to protect herself against.

When Professor Molina told me she was Doctor Cullen's TA, and told me I'd probably be seeing more of her in the course of the year, I had to go see her again. So I went to Cullen's class, only to find out that she didn't just physically peek my interest, but intellectually too. Any girl that could talk literature with me, was worth getting to know. Especially if we disagreed about things.

Once I found out she was married to Jasper Hale, I tried to put her out of my mind, I tried to forget about her, but that proved harder than expected. She was practically everywhere, working closely with Professor Molina as well, and of course Alice had to go and befriend her, pulling me closer to her again. And the looks she threw me didn't help either. I didn't know what kind of relationship she and Jasper had, but they seemed genuinely in love. So why tease me?

And then when I kissed her on the cheek, her scent hit me like a fucking train. There weren't layers and layers of soap and ointments, or even any trace of perfume. This was a natural girl, top to bottom and I'd never wanted anyone so badly before. It sounded like a sad scene from some kind of messed up fairytale, but I didn't care, I was under some kind of spell.

"So you and Alice Brandon, hu?" Jasper asked me when we were alone in the kitchen doing the dishes; we heard the girls chatting in the living room as well. I didn't know where his question came from, but I could guess. I didn't know Alice before transferring to Stanford, so the rumours had only reached me later. I didn't care for them either way; I knew who Alice was, and what her sexual preferences were. What I did with her, and how I dealt with her other exploits was really only my business.

"She's cool. Forget what people say about her." I grinned, putting the fourth plate on the clean pile. Jasper threw a towel over his shoulder, grabbing the pile of plates and placing them in the proper cupboard. I couldn't help but take a glance at his wedding ring. Why'd she have to be married? Why couldn't I ever fall for normal girls?

"I don't give a shit about what people say." Jasper turned, and leaned back on the counter. This guy wasn't even trying to give me reasons to hate him, which I desperately wanted to do. "Alice has always been good to us. Especially now, helping Rose with her wedding and all." He walked over the fridge, and handed me a beer. I definitely had to get Bella off my mind. This just wasn't fair, or right.

It didn't help that as we left, Alice hugged Bella tightly, which was enough to give any guy new fantasies to jerk off on. But the look Bella threw me over Alice's shoulder while biting down on her bottom lip, travelled straight to my cock and made it fucking wheeze.

After that, it seemed that Alice couldn't get me home soon enough. And I couldn't disagree with her, I had to get naked with her, right there and then, the moment we walked through the door of my apartment. Thank God for Alice and her predisposition to wear cute little dresses that came off easily. I stripped the garment off in one fail swoop; she wasn't even wearing any underwear.

I pushed her up against the wall, her lithe form moulded against my body like it was made for it, but I imagined Bella's body would do the exact same thing. She was so gracefully slender, perfect in every way. At this point I didn't even care who I was thinking about. I grabbed a handful of Alice's hair, and kissed her. Her lips parted for me immediately, my tongue pushing past her teeth; I loved the taste of her, but I imagined how Bella would taste. Sweeter than Alice, purer, more perfect.

Alice unbuttoned my shirt, ripping off the two last buttons, her hands roaming over my torso, down in my pants. She didn't even bother unbuttoning my jeans, her little hand grabbed hold of my erection, and started pumping it. "Alice." I released her lips in a breath. "Slow down," I moaned, but she'd already picked up on the urgency.

"I want you inside me," she wailed against my skin, finally releasing my hard cock from my pants. Good God, I needed to get off now, and I needed to get off hard. She whimpered when I lifted her up easily, her legs wrapping around my waist like they were made for it. I ignored it. I grabbed her ass tightly when I felt her hand wrap around my erection, and guide it to her entrance. She was already so wet for me, eagerly waiting to take me in. "Edward," she called my name.

I had to stop her from talking, I had to keep myself from looking at her. Bella was on my mind, had been for such a long time now. I wasn't having sex with my girlfriend, I was cheating on her with Bella in my head. I pushed inside, making Alice cry out again, so I captured her lips again to drown out the noises. But I couldn't keep that up, I needed to move, I needed to fuck her the way I needed to.

I lifted her up in my arms, and moved further into the apartment. I put Alice down on the sofa underneath me. When I felt her hands digging into my hair, I imagined them being Bella's hands. I closed my eyes and saw only Bella, crying my name, begging me for more while I fucked her hard and fast, eliciting such delicious sounds from her it only seemed to make me harder. "Fuck," I muttered against her skin, moving even faster, fucking Alice the way I never had before.

"Edward!" a scream, and it was Bella's voice, even though I knew better. My orgasm hit me like a tidal wave, pulsing from deep within my groin, pouring out of me with every move, every single time I pumped in and out of Alice. I wanted to shout her name in return, but I knew it wasn't the name I would shout, so I buried my face in her hair, and released a shout, gibberish, but it overwhelmed me.

"That was different," Alice exasperated as I collapsed on top of her. She chuckled underneath me, but I couldn't find the strength to laugh. "Baby, that was amazing." Her hands dug into my hair, her legs wrapping tighter around my waist again, her lips finding mine. I kissed her, because I didn't have the strength to deny her, and because frankly, I felt guilty.

I'd just turned into the kind of guy I never thought I'd be.

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**if you can, please let me know what you think!**


	8. Chapter 7: What The Critics Say

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Jasper/Bella, Edward, Tanya, Carlisle, Emmett/Rosalie

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content: LEMONS**

**disclaimer:** only the plot is mine, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**author's notes:** ahum ahum. this chapter was originally going to be smutless. you can thank Kiki Blue and her _Beautiful, Dirty, Rich_ series for making it turn out entirely different. Kiki, i hope you're pleased with yourself, you've corrupted me completely. hope you all like it as well. muchos gracias to everyone leaving me the love!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 7: **B. disinterest in what the critics say**  
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**BPOV**

"Tan, babe, how adamant are you about settling down?" I asked Tanya over lunch. It was one of our Wednesday rituals; it was the only time all three of us were all free during the lunch hour. Usually Tanya had extra-curricular activities she was allowed to have, Rosalie spend a lot of lunches with Emmett or managing the clubs she sponsored, and I often had extra work for Carlisle. Especially this year.

Tanya looked up from her salad, and raised an eyebrow. "Not in any particular hurry." She shrugged, throwing her long blonde hair back over her shoulder callously. "Why?" she looked up at me questioningly, but smiling.

_"Alice_," I answered. We'd had the most interesting conversation last night. Obviously I'd told her I knew she'd slept with Tanya. The question hadn't even fazed her. Alice would make a nice, not to mention interesting, addition to our little group.

"_No_," Tanya spun out the word in disbelief, and looked from Rosalie to me. Rose stared at me in question as well, but she kept all comments to herself. Her wedding had been on her mind non-stop over the past few days, and who could really blame her?

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "I have no willpower. And I caught her watching Jasper and me having sex." Two pair of eyes went wide in fascination. Good thing our table was far from any other prying ears or eyes. "She didn't even blink when she apologized for watching us." I giggled again, mostly to myself.

"Hmm. I approve," Rosalie smiled. I already knew she absolutely adored Alice, especially after hearing that Alice could design her dream dress for three thirds the price. "I'll ask Emmett. But I don't think he'll be any problem." I couldn't imagine Emmett ever having a problem with adding a gorgeous female to our group.

"What about Edward?" Tanya asked, suddenly serious. I understood her concern; it was my own. Edward was, how could I put it beside my usual adjective – _chiselled_ – just different. I would be the last person to say that Emmett or Jasper weren't gentlemen, but I imagined the word _relationship_ meant something different in Edward's book. He didn't share any of our pasts, and maybe it was best he stayed away from it. "From what you told me, he's not exactly going to be the type for this."

"How about you talk to Jasper about him, and you know, take him for a test drive," Rosalie said, shrugging carelessly. All three of us burst out laughing once her words had sunk in.

"Oh God, Rose, I love the way your brain works," I giggled, putting a hand to my mouth to keep things clean. "But Jasper's already game. So Tan could... _test drive_ him," I used the same term for lack of any better word. Jasper was never one to complain. "If she likes." I looked at Tanya.

"Please, Bee." Tanya rolled her eyes at me. If anyone else had given me that look, I would have felt insulted. "The guy obviously has a thing for you. I can be patient just like the next girl."

I bit down on my bottom lip, deep in thought.

"What's the matter, babe?" Rosalie asked, picking up on my distractedness. I was told it wasn't very difficult to see when something was bothering me. Jasper told me I got the cutest crease between my eyebrows, and that I assaulted my bottom lip like it was something to be devoured. That was usually followed by Jasper devouring me. "I thought you wanted him," Rose added.

"That's not the problem," I answered. There was absolutely no doubt about this: Edward did things to my girl parts effortlessly that not a lot of men had done before. But that wasn't what was worrying me. "I'm afraid that he might actually, _you know_..."

"Fall for you?" Rose's eyes went wide, a flash of excitement in them. For _the girl next door_, Rose sure was an absolute sucker for a complicated love story. But I wasn't planning on falling in love with Edward. "Wouldn't be the first, would he? But if you think that he's too decent a guy, then maybe you've got a point."

"Exactly," I said. "He doesn't strike me as the type to sleep around, let alone with a married woman." I held up my hand and flashed my ring in front of their eyes. The ring itself didn't mean much, but what lay underneath it tattooed right into my skin. The same mark all of us had, signifying our commitment, our trust in one another.

"It's your call, Bee. Just..." Rose hesitated.

"Don't worry, Rose," I chuckled, and this time I was the one rolling my eyes at her. I knew exactly where this conversation was going. "I won't corrupt him before your wedding." Rosalie would never forgive me if anything about her perfect day went wrong. "I have to get to class," I looked down at my watch, and got up from my chair. "See you guys tonight?"

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**CPOV**

When Bella walked into the office, she seemed in a hurry. She stopped fast in her tracks when she caught sight of Professor Molina and Edward also standing in the office. "Bella," I said, and held out an arm for her. She smiled softly, and walked over to me, pulling her bag closer over her shoulder. "Just who I was looking for."

"Professors," she nodded at both me and Professor Molina. "Edward," she said, and smiled softly. Her mouth quirked in a straight line. "What can I help you with?" That was so typical of Bella, always trying to help.

"I know you have a class, so I'll keep this short." I put my arm around her. I felt proud for being able to be the one to tell her this. "Professor Molina and I want you to put your name on our joined publication. _You'll_ be sharing credit with him, rather than me."

"I'm... _sorry_?" Her eyes went wide and shot up at me at once. It seemed she was having a hard time believing what I was saying. "Professor, it's your publication. I can't..." She shook her head.

"You've already done most of the work, Bella." I squeezed her shoulder. Molina had told me several times that I was too casual in my relationship with Bella, but he didn't know that Bella was much more of a daughter to me than an assistant. "And I don't have the time to write it. You've earned this."

"I... I don't know what to say," she smiled triumphantly, but looked down at her feet. I knew that she was absolutely thrilled, but she acted like her humble self. There was something in her that always made her wary when something good happened; like someone would jump up and take it away from her if she would get too enthusiastic. "Thank you."

"You'll be working with Edward to mesh the two papers together." Bella looked up at Edward; his interest in her had became apparent the moment Bella had walked into the room. Any man who looked at a woman like that was done for. "I assume that won't be a problem."

"None whatsoever. Uhm, should be fun." Bella nodded, and smiled at Edward. He looked down, humble too, but a smile coloured his features as well. There was definitely something there, and Bella was doing absolutely nothing to dissuade Edward in his affections. I knew for a fact little passed Bella by in that department. "I look forward to it."

"You like him," was the first thing I said once Professor Molina and Edward had left my office. Bella was still staring at the door.

"Excuse me?" Bella turned around and looked at me surprised, running a hand through her hair in confusion.

"Edward," I said. I knew I wasn't overstepping any bounds here. I had to admit, Edward was a pretty decent guy for any girl to be dating, but Bella was married, and Jasper was a stand-up man as well. And unconditionally devoted to Bella.

"I don't..." she shook her head, and put a hand in her hair again. It told me all I needed to know. Bella had many tells; touching her hair was one of them, "... _know_ what you're talking about." But I knew far better; Bella should really give me more credit than that. "He's just a friend."

Maybe for now she still saw him as a friend, or a shiny new toy she thought she could play with. Bella probably didn't realise this, but I'd seen her flirt with other men, and I'd noticed how Jasper never seemed to have problems with it. In fact he seemed to take pleasure in the fact that at the end of the day, Bella was his. I'd never called her on it, because she acted professional and she was one of the smartest students I'd had in years. The other students liked her too. I just hoped that her interest in Edward stayed professional as well.

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**EPOV**

I had no idea what was going on between Doctor Cullen and Bella, but whatever it was, it was clear from the moment that Carlisle put her arm around Bella, that they had a very special relationship. He was almost like a father telling his daughter the happy news, pride in his eyes that Bella seemed to shy away from for some reason. Maybe she wasn't used to it, maybe it was something about her past.

I waited for her outside of Carlisle's office, mostly because I felt that I had to say something about our future collaborations together. I'd wanted to get her alone for such a long time now, and it seemed that would be finally possible. "You like him," I heard Doctor Cullen say. Even though I thought it was wrong to eavesdrop on them, I couldn't help myself. "Edward," Doctor Cullen added, and my heart jumped up. Had he noticed the same thing I had? Did he recognise the looks Bella gave me?

I tried not to think about it, but she was making it so damn difficult. This girl was messing with my head, and I didn't even know where we stood.

When she walked out of the office, not noticing me in her hurry, I ran after her quickly. "Sorry to put you on the spot like that," I said, leaning in a little too close probably, but it didn't seem to bother her. Bella looked up at me, and smiled.

"That's okay," she said, halting in her tracks. She brushed her hair behind her ears, like she had done the first time I'd seen her. God, how badly I wanted to run my hands through it. "I was just taken by surprise, that's all. Doctor Cullen's already given me so many opportunities. This is... this is amazing," she huffed, still impressed.

"I guess we should find some free time to..." I wanted to do so many things to her right there and then, but I pushed it from my mind vehemently. This is not how any girl should be treated. But just the thought, the idea of having her in a room, alone, even if it was just for work, elevated my heart rate exponentially.

"Research. Write. Go stir crazy over tense constructions," Bella enumerated. I'd written publications like this before, and it seemed that Bella knew what she was talking about. Doctor Cullen obviously trusted her enough with his work. "I can't wait." She added a shy chuckle, and put a hand in her hair. I chuckled too, and indeed, I couldn't wait either.

"Look uhm, I really have to get to class now," she said, and bit down on that fucking delicious bottom lip of hers. Was she trying to unravel me? "But we'll talk, and set something up, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded, and watched her walk away. I couldn't help but stare at her tight little ass, her hips swaying with every step she took in her _Converse Allstars_. Good God, I needed her in my bed.

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**JPOV**

"Here's to Bella, and her flourishing academic career," Emmett said, raising his glass and looking at Bella just like the rest of us. Bella smiled broadly, and I pulled her closer into my arms. She looked up at me, smiling, and I gave her the most sincere smile back. My girl, getting published; I was so proud.

"Em, it's just a paper." Bella shook her head, disapproving. She didn't like being made a spectacle of, or being in the centre of attention, but her enthusiasm when she had told me the news told me enough. She had slammed the door shut behind her earlier today, run over to the desk where I was sitting, jumped in my lap, and pulled me into the tightest embrace possible.

Before I had a chance to speak, or have a reaction of any kind, she moved back, put her hands on my face, and pulled me into a kiss. Her tongue slipped past my teeth, and she sucked on my upper lip, hard. Her hips started grinding into me slowly, and I was instantly beyond any verbal response. I grabbed a handful of her hair, my other hand moving down to grab her ass and pull her tighter to me.

She pulled back abruptly, and got up. I stared up at her with dark eyes, confused, but the look she shot me back through the strands of her long brown bangs shot right down to my groin, getting my dick hard instantly. So I got up, because there was no protesting with her at this point, and honestly, when had I ever? She started unbuttoning her jeans, taking a step away from me when I tried to reach her. Two could play that game. I pulled off my shirt, and walked over to bed, watching Bella strip completely naked. She took her time too, making sure I was all worked up before ever even touching me.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her when she walked over to me, swaying her hips seductively. Little jinx knew exactly what she was doing to me, and I blissfully let her. She put a hand on my chest, and pushed me back; I fell back on the bed. Bella kneeled down between my legs, working on my jeans. Before I knew it, she was flicking her tongue over the tip of my cock, alternating between licking it slowly, and sucking it relentlessly. "Fuck, Bee," I gasped when I felt my tip hit the back of her throat. It took me all the strength in the world not to grab her head and plough right into her.

She sucked my length like a fucking pro, caressing my balls with one hand, the other between her own legs, rubbing herself. Her eyes kept me literally pinned to the bed, the sexiest of all motherfucking brown cesspools of vice. Fucking hell, she did this like no other. She got me worked up in a frenzy, feeling the tension build in my groin, ready to blow, and then she eased back her ministrations. She kept this up to the point where my entire body was begging release; I was fucking _hurting_. She moaned around my cock, which told me she was close herself. I shut my eyes, trying to garner what strength I had left, just so I could last long enough.

And then, just like that, her mouth was gone. My eyes snapped open to look at her, but all I saw was a wave of her brown hair, before finding my cock surrounded by the sweetest tasting pussy I'd ever had. She sunk down on me, taking all of me in at once, throwing her head back, exposing me to the most exquisite picture in the whole fucking world; my Bee, my wife, naked on top of me, fucking me, touching herself just like I had been picturing seconds before.

Bella let out one single scream, throwing her head back, both hands grabbing for her hair, her abdomen taut with tension, tensing up and I literally felt her body rippling on top of me. The orgasm that hit me shook me off balance completely, because Bella kept riding me, hard, jumpstarting an entirely new pool of sensations, setting off from the tip of my cock, right down to the tip of my toes and back again.

She'd fucking done me in for the rest of the day.

"It's no big deal," Bella told Emmett, snapping me back to the reality of the room. I cleared my throat, realising I'd completely spaced out on the conversation, but when your wife did you like that, well, that was more than enough to distract me.

"No big deal, my ass!" Emmett complained loudly, putting his arm around Rosalie. The girls stayed silent, mostly because Emmett liked to make these silly speeches that gave us all a good laugh, and because they'd already been chatting away with Bella for hours.

"You're going to be published, Bee. You've pretty much made it," Rosalie added, and I couldn't help but agree. Publications didn't just bring in money; they got Bella's name out there, and closer to accomplishing her dreams. Next thing, Emmett pulled Rose closer to him, and they were making out like two teenagers.

Bella and me walked over to the sofa, Bella's fingers intertwined with Tanya's as well. She lay back in my arms on the sofa, Tanya comfortably settling in the crook of Bella's legs. "He's right, you know," I whispered in Bella's ear, and kissed her hair. "I'm so proud of you, babe." And I meant that, with every fibre in my being. Who could have ever thought we'd make it this far?

"Thanks, hun." Bella looked up at me. "I love you," she said, and I kissed her firmly on the lips.

"Love you too," I whispered against her lips.

"What did Edward say about you working with him?" Tanya asked. I watched in fascination as Bella ran her hands through Tanya's blonde hair; it was insanely hot. But I really was done for, the soldier in my pants needed a good night rest before fucking around again.

"He didn't have any particular problems," Bella answered, but her voice didn't betray any of her emotions. It told me enough. She could lie to anyone, but not to me. Whatever it was that attracted her in Edward, it wasn't strong enough to mess him up over. It might have been too strong a term, but that's how Bella always labelled it.

"Can't imagine he would," I said. I'd seen the way he'd looked at Bella, much in the same way a lot of men looked at her, but I knew that what Edward felt for her was more than just anything physical. I could imagine that if he was the kind of guy that dated girls like Alice Brandon, he could definitely hold the same feelings for my Bella.

"You decided what you're going to do with him already?" Tanya asked, and I waited for Bella to answer as well.

She took a deep breath, and put her head down on my chest. "I'm staying out of it," Bella answered.

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**please read & review!**


	9. Chapter 8: Out Of Place & Underdressed

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Edward/Alice, Bella, Tanya, Rosalie

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **  
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**disclaimer:** only the plot is mine, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**author's notes:** update time! some literature, some hot stuff, and some clothes getting removed. curious? go read! oh wait, images have been added to my profile, such as Rose's wedding dress, Bella's (and Jasper's) wedding ring, and the tattoo they all have, so be sure to check those out. hope you all enjoy the new chapter. huge THANK YOU to my lovely reviewers.

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 8: **out of place and undressed**  
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**BPOV**

Now when I said that I would stay out of it, that didn't exclude the possibility of flirting with Edward and drive him a little crazy over me. If I'd interpreted his looks correctly in any way, it wouldn't take a whole lot to get him to flirt back. A girl should be allowed to have a little fun now and again, shouldn't she? And this was a game I played like no other.

I wasn't always like this, in a past long gone but one that I will always carry with me I was a good girl, who always did as she was told, and never played around with anyone. Back then there was only one man in my life, a blithe I wished I could carve out with a knife; I actually tried that once. I got out of there though, a few months after my mom died, and a young aspiring ER doctor called social services one night before Phil arrived in the hospital. That doctor didn't just save my life; he gave me the chance to rid myself of bad memories, and create a whole spectrum of better ones.

A new family, a foster mother and foster father that were full of love, though my standards at that point weren't very high. But in their own way, they saved me as well. They gave me a home, an education, chances I'd never been given before.

And Jasper. He became my reason for staying alive long before he was my boyfriend.

There had been a few men before Jasper. Nowhere near as kind as him, nor did I cherish the intense romantic and physical feelings I felt towards Jasper for them. To be honest, I'd given up on finding love long before I was old enough to even understand what it was supposed to be. Things like that could happen when you had a drunk mother that you nevertheless loved and a stepdad that beat the crap out of you every time he felt sorry for himself.

That's how it started anyway. There came a time, not long after my mom's liver finally gave out, when Phil stopped thinking up excuses to hit me, or break one of my bones. I couldn't stand up to him, because I couldn't defend myself. I couldn't run away, simply because I had nowhere else to go. I was powerless.

But my body, I learned, and a lot of things I managed to do with it, gave me power over many things. Men, yes, but women too. I knew how it sounded when I thought about it, but I lost any kind of shame over that a very long time ago.

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**EPOV**

"A beer?" I called out over my shoulder, and already motioned to grab two from the fridge. I closed the door, but hesitated. I ran a hand through my hair, and then buried my face in one hand. Bella and I had been working all afternoon, talking, eating, and discussing our work together. I'd been absolutely professional up to now, kept myself in check like a real gentleman, but everything inside of me was screaming to touch Bella every time she threw her head back and laughed out loud. Every time she bit down on that thick bottom lip of hers. Every fucking time she ran a hand through her hair.

"Sure," I heard Bella call out from the living room. I opened one of the beers, put it to my lips and downed it entirely in a few greedy gulps. It wasn't enough to get me drunk, but it would loosen me up. Some. And I needed to get rid of this tension building in my chest and shoulders. When I got back to the living room, carrying two fresh beers, Bella was lounging back lazily in my sofa, her legs crossed.

"Angela Weber," Bella said, holding up one of the graded papers atop the coffee table. She stared at it for a few moments, and I just watched her, waiting for her to continue. "How many classes is she taking?" Bella shook her head, and leafed through the bundle of papers. I didn't know Angela personally, since I'd only just started teaching the class, and I was terrible at remembering students' names. "_The Insanity Defence in Edgar Allan Poe's 'A Cask of Amontillado.'_ Is it any good?" She looked up at me, and I finally walked over to the sofa, handing her the beer.

"It's not bad." I shrugged, and sat down next to Bella, opening my second beer of the day. "Her arguments could have been a little more fleshed out here and there." My eyes swept over her left hand ring finger again, like they'd been doing all afternoon, because fuck this, I was with Alice and Bella was fucking married to a great guy. I shouldn't jeopardize any potential decent friendships all because my dick was telling me he wanted to spelunk Bella's natural caves. "But she passed." I cleared my throat and took another sip from my beer.

"I know you're supposed to pronounce it the American way, but I like saying it in Spanish." Bella raised her legs and put them down on the table in front of the sofa, crossing her legs at her ankles. I swallowed hard, trying my very best not to notice – again – just how tightly fitted her jeans were, hugging around her slim hips just like her tank top was enveloping her lean upper body. "Adds a little... _panache_, don't you think?" She threw me a coy smile, but I tried to ignore the moaning pleas my cock was making at the sight of it.

"You're right." I looked at the beer in my hand, and Bella went back to looking through Angela Weber's paper. "You like Poe?" I asked, mostly because that was _my_ area of expertise, and at this point I welcomed just about anything that got my mind out of Bella's _business_.

"Are you kidding?" her eyes went wide as she sat up and threw the paper back on its assigned stack. "He's the only nineteenth century writer I actually like." She grabbed the last chocolate from the box I'd bought earlier today, and put the titbit to her lips. I was beyond any clever reproach; this was fucking seductive and Bella damn well knew it. "Don't get me wrong, there are gems out there," she continued nonetheless. She knew exactly where she had me: on my knees in front of her, eating out of her hand. "Poe just has a special place in my heart."

_Her heart, yes Edward, which belonged entirely to Jasper_. I blinked and took another sip from my beer, feeling the cold liquid stream down my throat slowly. Bella was taken. I didn't care how hard she was trying to evoke some kind of reaction from me, I wouldn't touch her. But that probably didn't mean I'd ever stop her from messing with my head. "Let me guess," I found my voice of reason after long moments. "_Annabel Lee_?"

She looked at me sideways, the chocolate bonbon melting between her two fingers, and she raked her teeth over the texture to remove the first layer. My eyes were fixated on hers. "_The Raven_ actually," she said after a moment's consideration. "And _William Wilson_." I didn't know if she was being sincere, or if she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Poe was an amazing writer, but most girls fell head over heels in love with _Annabel Lee_ at the first reading. "What?" she huffed when she caught my eye.

"Just when I think I've got you figured out," I grinned crookedly, my eyes narrowing, and I shook my head slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she immediately feigned insult, and turned her body towards me on the sofa. Her feet remained on the coffee table; so she was flexible too. Knowing that didn't help me one bit. "I like _Annabel Lee_ just like the next girl, but Poe's _Philosophy of Composition_ explaining how he wrote _The Raven_? Come on!" she exclaimed, and threw a hand up.

I mirrored her posture on the sofa. "Are you a believer or not?" I moved my elbow up on the back of the sofa and let me cheek rest against my fist. In that one essay, Poe had stated anyone could be a writer if he or she approached the problem correctly. However strange it made me sound, I liked the poetry in that.

"Depends, will my opinion on _this_ change your opinion of me again?" she raised an eyebrow surreptitiously and started licking the chocolate from her thumb and index finger. Oh yeah, she had me alright, my dick wheezing and my mind almost drawing a complete blank.

"Probably," I only just managed to utter.

"I'm not a believer," she shook her head. "It takes a very special person to string the right amount of words together and create something magical." I'm not entirely sure I agreed on that, but I was beyond arguing with her at this point. She inched slightly closer to me on the small sofa. "Does everyone have to undergo this test?" She smiled at me, and mirrored my posture this time. Her brown eyes had me pinned in place. A very warm feeling was starting to spread through my extremities. I blamed it on the beer, even though I knew I could take more than that.

"No test." I raised my brow and shook my head. "I'm just... curious," I shrugged. I tried to ignore the fact that I could almost smell her, that my breathing was starting to deeper, and that Bella had started to breathe through her mouth. She was just so fucking delicious right now, always. I felt the slicker in my pants come to life instantly.

"So, just to soothe my own curiosity." She threw her hair back over her shoulder, and I swear to God I almost fucking moaned. In any other situation, with any other girl coming on to me the way that Bella was right now I might have grabbed her face and kissed her hard, but I wasn't going to do that to Bella. I just couldn't. "How serious are you and Alice?

And just like that I had both my feet firmly on the ground again. Of course, Alice, what about Alice? I couldn't do this to her either. I should have the decency to tell her I had feelings for someone else, but I didn't want to grant the part of her that slept around with other women the satisfaction of knowing that I was capable of the same thing if the right woman came along. "Why do you ask?" I cast down my eyes.

"Why are you dodging the question?" Bella asked in return. Why this sudden interest in Alice? I'd already seen that Alice and Bella would become friends by the way they acted around each other, and the way Alice talked about her; Alice wore those kinds of things on her sleeve. But why was Bella asking me about my relationship with Alice? Was she hoping it wasn't serious? Was she hoping it was? Would my answer affect how this afternoon would end?

"I don't know how serious we are," I frowned, decidedly giving Bella the truth. "We've been dating for five months. But Alice has her... _liaisons_." I wouldn't have admitted that to anyone but Bella. I needed her to know that Alice had her indiscretions. Why, I didn't know.

"And that doesn't bother you?" she looked at me curiously. There were moments that Bella seemed like an open book to me, and then the next moment, like now, I didn't know what to make of her. Did she want me to be bothered? I was bothered plenty right now, right there, by her. I looked away, readjusting my position back in normal sitting position.

It was silent for long moments.

She didn't rub it in that's for sure. _No Edward, Bella's off limits. She's a married woman, get a grip_. "Earth to Ed-ward," she played with my name as she tipped her head to look at me funny, her bangs covering half her face. I chuckled, and she smiled at me. "I'm sorry," she apologized for the question. "It wasn't my place to ask." If there was ever a moment where I thought my aching for Bella couldn't get worse, I got proven wrong the moment I noticed a speck of chocolate still clinging to her bottom lip. I hadn't noticed it before.

My hand twitched in my lap, as did my dick in my pants.

* * *

**BPOV**

Edward didn't say another word; for some reason his eyes were fixated on my lips, and damn me straight to hell, I wouldn't have protested if he'd taken me right there and then. Fuck my own stupid rules, this boy did things to my _vajayjay_ that were downright illegal. I had permission from the others; I'd do him in an instant. "You've got uhm..." he cleared his throat again, and I realised I must have some chocolate residue clinging to my lips. Now this was one opportunity I wasn't going to pass up.

"What?" I faked ignorance, and stared at him, wide-eyed. I didn't know what he would do, but my body was begging for him to touch me. I knew very well what I was doing to him; he might have been a gentleman, but any gentleman was in essence also just _a man_. And I knew exactly how to handle those.

He swallowed hard, and I did the same. "Here," he said, and stretched out his hand. I parted my lips for him. I felt electricity pulse right down to my core when his thumb grazed my chin, and I released a hot breath. I saw Edward stir uncomfortably next to me, but I couldn't help myself; he was making it too easy and frankly, I was having too much fun. I closed my eyes and sucked in my bottom lip, the tip of my tongue tracing a wet path across it. I could almost hear him fucking _moan_ when my tongue swept swiftly across his skin.

I opened my eyes again and looked at him, his eyes burning into mine. I was almost certain that I could make him come right inside his pants if I handled this right. My breathing deepened when I saw him moving closer to me; his finger was still on my chin. Before I knew what was happening, my own body was coaxing me closer to him, drawn to his lips, his body, his scent. Fuck me, I needed this guy in my pants.

His entire hand came to rest on my face; he pushed aside my bangs before he put his hand on my cheek. I released a shuddery breath. "Bella," he whispered, his lips parting, inches away from mine. His voice was low and husky, but something about how he said my name made me believe something was still holding him back. Sure, he definitely wanted me, but he was a decent guy. I shouldn't be doing this.

So I took hold of his hand with my left, my wedding band gleaming, and removed his hand from my skin. I took a breath and cast down my eyes, about to say something, when I heard the front door open. I let go of Edward's hand instantly, and he moved back again. "Bells! There you are!" Alice exclaimed as soon as she laid eyes on me. She didn't even question Edward's proximity to me, at least not that I could tell. "I've been looking all over for you!"

_Fucking little cockblocker. _I was of course referring to Edward's cock, that was probably feeling as neglected as my throbbing clitoris. _Judas_. I liked the rules and restrictions I had set for myself when it came to guys like Edward, but damn me, maybe I really didn't have any willpower to speak off. "You uhm..." I cleared my throat, and sat up straight on the sofa. "You were looking for me?" I looked up at Alice, and Edward readjusted his position as well.

"Rose's dress fitting?" Alice's eyes went wide in question. So that's why she was so completely oblivious of this awkward tension in the room: her mind was elsewhere. Thank God for that. I wouldn't want to destroy my friendship with Alice before it had even started. Not to mention I couldn't possibly risk getting Alice mad at me, and in turn mad at Rose. I could almost see Rosalie capable of killing me and disposing of my body where no one would ever find it.

"I totally forgot about that," I answered more calmly than I should have been able to, but there was no need to make this situation any more tense. I ran a hand through my hair, trying my best to come across as _confused_ rather than _ready to jump Alice's boyfriend_, and got up from the couch. I felt bad leaving Edward behind in his current state, but I was feeling plenty frustrated by the horny little bandit in my pants. We'd both have to find other ways to get off today.

"So are you ready?" she asked. _Yes yes, little miss impatient_. I grabbed what books I'd brought, and put them in my bag, while Alice happily skipped over to the sofa, blissfully unaware that her boyfriend had a huge boner for me in his pants. I straightened myself out after putting my shoes back on, and released a careful breath. I was going to spend the next three hours with my girlfriends, talking dresses and wedding cake. I could wait. I hoped.

"I'll probably be in the office tonight," I heard Edward tell Alice. When I turned around Alice was just in the process of sticking her tongue down Edward's throat. Was she marking her territory? Or was this how she usually went about her way?

"I'll bring around some coffee," she whispered against his lips, and good _grief_ the dark look Edward gave her when she moved back made my clit fucking _scream_. So today's goal? Satisfy Rose's bridesmaid needs, praise Alice for her designing skills, then go fuck Jasper senseless. Sounded like a plan.

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**APOV**

"Are you sure this is okay?" Rose called from inside the fitting room. We were at my most favourite fabric _slash_ clothing store in the entire world. This place always had everything I wanted, and the proprietor let me use her space whenever I needed. I'd even sold some of my designs here. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Are you kidding?" I exclaimed and crossed my arms over my chest. "With the amount of money I spend here, they better treat us like royalty." Bella and me smiled at each other. She looked a bit hot in the face, but then the weather had been rather crazy. Why she insisted on wearing jeans that covered up her legs was beyond me. "So, how does it look?" I returned my attention to Rose. "It's not perfectly fitted yet, I'll still need to make adjustments."

A loud squeal resounded through the entire store.

"Rose?" Bella asked and took a step closer to the booth. "Babe? Everything alright?"

The curtains of the fitting room opened in one fail swoop, revealing Rose in the wedding dress I'd been slaving over the past two weeks. It took me blood, sweat and tears, but I got the result I wanted. I just prayed that Rosalie's squeal meant that she liked it too. She was smiling broadly enough either way.

"Oh my God, Rose. You look... _amazing_." Bella put her hands over her face, her eyes going wide. I took this as a good sign. "Alice, how did you do this in under two weeks?" she stared at me incredulously.

"It's a gift," I shrugged shyly.

"It sure is." Rose stepped out of the booth and threw an arm around my shoulder; I did my best to step around the sash gown pooling at her feet. "What do you say about becoming our new best friend?"

My heart almost leaped up in my chest, but I tried to contain my joy. This almost made me forget the image of seeing Bella and Edward cuddled so closely on his sofa together. Yes, almost, the thought of Edward falling for Bella send unpleasant shivers through me, the thought of her not dissuading him made me nauseous. But if I was to join this little band of lovers, I guessed that was something I had to get used to. "Oh, you guys don't have to... I mean, I love doing this." I shook my head.

"Alice, do you really think we just extent these invitations willy-nilly?" Rose pulled me closer, and almost looked offended by what I'd said. "You have no idea what this means to me. What this means to all of us. Don't even see it as an invitation, we're already friends. Right?" she smiled at me, and to be quite honest, I couldn't imagine ever _not_ wanting to be friends with Rosalie, or Bella. . So what if Edward fell for Bella; he was just the kind of guy who would. And so what if Bella wanted him? I couldn't exactly blame her.

"Depends." I pursed my lips "Do I get to design the bridesmaid's dresses too?" I looked at Rosalie expectantly. Bella and Rose both giggled.

"That's more like it." Rose squeezed my shoulder, then let me go to look at herself in the mirror again. It really was a dress that screamed Rosalie – soon to be McCarthy – Hale. "As long as you make sure our Bee can wear flats, then yes, go crazy." I looked at Bella, and suddenly realised why she probably preferred wearing long trousers; I knew there was a scar running across the joint of her knee.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, there came another loud squeal. All three of us turned around towards the sound, but by the time we did, Tanya's bag had already hit the ground with a thud, and she was running over to us. "Rose, _oh mon dieu_!" Tanya exclaimed in French, her eyes sweeping up and down Rose's dress. "Emmett is not going to be able to keep his hands to himself! Look at you!" and then she turned to me. "Alice, you are magical!"

And she was making me so self-conscious that I found myself staring down at my feet, smiling, rather than look into her delicious eyes. "Nah, if I was really magical I'd have made this dress Emmett-proof." All three of my new friends bursts out in laughter. Something told me I was going to fit right in.

"No chance of that with that cleavage," Tanya almost snorted, and put her hands on Rose's shoulders, smiling at her in the mirror. "He won't know what hit him."

"Oh, he's not getting his hands on me until this dress has been safely removed," Rose said, putting one of her hands atop of Tanya's. It could have been a gesture between friends, but it could have easily been mistaken for something much more as well. I was at a point where I didn't know what to think about any of their relationships. "_Then_ he can do with me whatever he wants." Rosalie clearly loved Emmett, and Bella loved her Jasper unconditionally. But how did Tanya factor into this equation?

"Bells, I'm going to need your sizes." I shook my head to get back on track. I still needed to make three bridesmaid dresses, and even though Rose still hadn't set a date for the wedding, I wanted to finish in time. "You too, Tanya."

Just then, Bella's cellphone rang.

"It's okay," Tanya said, and pulled me to the side while Bella answered her phone. "You can do me first." I found her choice in words fascinating. Before I knew it, Tanya had pulled off her tank top, and she was stripping down to her underwear. All the memories of the night I'd spend with her came flooding back to me instantly: she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Long blonde wavy hair, tall, long legs, great skin.

"Oh, and about Bella?" Tanya turned around, and looked at me. My eyes swept over her long legs, her perfectly flat stomach, and her perfectly formed breasts. Good God, how was I supposed to focus on my work with her standing in front of me like that? "She doesn't like being called Bells. It reminds her off her past too much."

"Oh, I didn't..." I shook my head, frowning to myself. "I didn't realise."

"Don't worry about it," Tanya smiled, and actually shook her ass at me when she turned again. "We just have to look after each other, you know? Each other is all we have." She looked at me in the mirror. I didn't know how to read her expression, so I walked over to her and pulled my measuring tape from around my neck. Tanya raised her arms for me, while I wrapped the tape around her, right underneath her bust. I swallowed hard, and tried to focus on my work.

"Guys, I have to..." Bella joined us again, all three of us turning towards her. She looked distraught, and she was already in the process of putting her hair up in a messy bun, and grabbing her things. "That was Carlisle. He needs my help with Esme." There were tears in her eyes. "I really have to go."

"Yeah. Of course," Rose nodded immediately. Bella wiped at her face, still not making a move. Both Rose and Tanya walked over to her and hugged her tightly, before both planting a kiss on her cheek. I felt tears spring to my own eyes spontaneously. Just the way they acted around each other; it was beautiful. "Call us if there's anything else he needs." Bella nodded and wiped her tears away. I never thought she actually cared that much about Carlisle, or that they'd grown close enough for him to call Bella for help. It was a pitiful thing to admit in that very moment, but I was almost jealous.

"I'll call you later," Bella said, and then turned to walk away.

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**please read & review!**


	10. Chapter 9: Swore To Shake It Up

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Bella/Jasper, Carlisle/Esme

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **  
**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** sorry for the wait, been busy busy with exams. right. i did leave you all with a kind of a cliffhanger, didn't i? well, here is what happens to Esme. i hope you all like it! and THANK YOU for your reviews/comments, you know i love you guys!

* * *

**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 9: **swore to shake it up**  
**

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**BPOV**

I called Jasper in the car, telling him that I probably wouldn't be home for another couple of hours. He told me he'd probably be working late, but that I should call him when I got back in. I smiled to myself, and had never appreciated his way of calming me down more; Jasper just had this way of telling me everything would be alright, and making me believe it. It was a gift.

By the time I pulled up to the house, Carlisle was on the front porch waiting for me. He looked extremely tired. I took some moments in the car to take a few deep breaths, calming myself down further. Carlisle didn't need my tears right now, nor did Esme. And I prided myself in being a helping hand whenever I could. Carlisle had called me because I was able to keep a cool head in a lot of stressful situations.

"Bella, I'm sorry to have called you so late," he said when I rushed over to him. He put a hand on my shoulder and led me inside. The first time I'd ever laid eyes on Cullen mansion, it turned out to be everything I'd expected _and then some_. This was a place for royalty. The front door opened into a grand foyer; the first view anyone got was the giant winding staircase leading to the first floor. To the right there was a large and comfortable living room; to the left were mostly closed doors: Dr Cullen's office. "I didn't know who else..."

"It's okay, Carlisle. Whatever I can do to help." I wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, but thought the better of it when he almost broke down in front of my eyes. The time he'd spend between teaching classes and taking care of Esme and Michael was beginning to take its toll. There were dark circles around his eyes, and he looked dishevelled. This was a Carlisle I hadn't seen before. "Do you need me to take care of Michael?" I asked, assuming that was why Carlisle wanted me here.

"No, he's asleep," Carlisle said, his eyes filling up with tears. I'd never seen him cry before, hell, I'd never even heard him raise his voice before. It was silly, but sometimes I thought Carlisle didn't need any of those emotions, simply because his life was so perfect. I really should have known better than that. "It's Esme. She..." He put a fist to his lips, trying to maintain control over his voice.

"What's wrong?" I put my hand on his arm, and squeezed it lightly. I hated seeing him like this; I hated knowing what Esme was going through. No one deserved to go through these kind of hardships, but least of all Carlisle and Esme; they were two of the kindest people I had ever met.

"She won't come out of the bathroom," Carlisle said, and looked at me. He looked absolutely terrified, and in turn, fear gripped my heart tightly. I knew what that could mean all too well. "She won't talk to me. Bella please, could you..." He closed his eyes for the briefest of moments. "I'm just afraid she'll hurt herself."

"I'll talk to her," I said immediately. Even if I had to drag her out of there myself I would do it. The first time I'd met Esme Cullen it became clear to me that she might just be the epitome of everything that was kind and beautiful in this world. She was pregnant of Michael when I met her two years ago, and she'd been absolutely glowing with love. Motherly love that I had only encountered once before in my foster mother.

I'd never set foot inside the Cullen master bedroom before; the room was about as big as the apartment Jasper and I had on campus. Esme probably had her own walk-in closet. Not that either Carlisle or Esme hadn't worked to get where they were now. I knew Carlisle was born into money, but rather than becoming a medical doctor like this father, he pursued his love for literature. He met Esme in college, where she was studying architecture, and they'd been together ever since. It had always sounded like a fairytale, even though Esme probably romanticized it here and there, just like Jazz and I did.

"Esme?" I talked to the door as soon as I'd found the bathroom adjacent to the master bedroom. I heard a sob coming from inside. "It's Bella. Can I come in?" I asked, but Esme didn't answer. I looked around the room, unsure about where to go from here. I didn't want to upset her any more, but I also knew that if I kept standing there, I'd get absolutely nowhere. She needed to see me. So I opened the door, and gazed inside. Esme was sitting on the tiled floor, hugging her knees closely to her body.

It had been weeks since I'd seen Esme, not since Carlisle had called me to take care of Michael while he drove Esme to the hospital. Four months ago, Esme had found out she was pregnant again, and Carlisle and her couldn't have been happier. After three months, when she was already starting to show, and damn proud of it too, she'd lost the baby. When she got back from the hospital everything had seemed reasonably fine, until Carlisle had started noticing she didn't hold Michael the way she used to, or she didn't smile much anymore.

Four weeks ago, Esme had been diagnosed with post-natal depression. She hadn't been eating much, or sleeping, and right now she only looked like a former shell of herself. It scared me shitless how much she reminded me of my mother right now, at the end of her rope. I tried my best to get a hold of myself, because Esme didn't need me bringing back bad memories, and in Esme's case, I hoped it wasn't too late to help her. "Do you mind if I just sit with you for a while?" I asked, and sat down opposite her against the bathroom wall.

"He shouldn't have called you." Esme rested her head back against the cream-coloured tiles. She looked an absolute mess; too skinny, unclean. It broke my heart to see her like this. I'd lost my mother before I'd been strong enough to get her help, but I wasn't going to let the same thing happen to Esme.

"He's worried about you." I tried to keep my voice as steady and calm as possible. It was hard once I noticed there were three little jars of pills on the ground next to her. What was she doing? Carlisle had been right to worry. "And I might not know what you're going through." I really didn't. I'd never had any maternal instinct, and Jasper and I weren't planning on having children. Ever. "But I can talk to you in a way that he can't."

"Because you're a woman? You're a girl," Esme sneered. In any other situation I'd feel insulted, or at the least hurt, but I knew I couldn't hold Esme responsible for the things she was saying right now. "You couldn't possibly understand." No, I didn't know what it was like to lose a baby, but I knew plenty; _loss_ and I had been lifelong friends. Just like _hurt_ and me.

"I know that this isn't the answer." I sat up on my knees and grabbed one of the jars on the floor. It was some kind of heavy pain medication. My heartbeat spiked: she was seriously thinking about killing herself? "What about Carlisle? What about Michael? You would do that to them?" I asked, and from the way she looked up at me, I knew I'd struck a nerve. I had her attention now.

"You don't..." Esme shook her head and tried to turn her head again. I wasn't having any of that. If mention of her family indeed struck a nerve than maybe I could make her see they needed her.

I unclasped the bracelet around my left wrist, and held it up to Esme, revealing the inch-long scar running across it. "You see this?" I asked, and she looked at it in confusion. "That was my try. I stopped because it hurt too much, but I had every reason to keep cutting." And I'd had every intention to as well, but then one of the neighbourhood kids had banged on the front door, calling for me. "You _don't_."

"Why would you do such a thing?" Esme took hold of my wrist gently, and I saw the slightest flicker of the old Esme shining through. She was worried about me.

"My mom died," I answered, and sat down in front of her. Renee had just been buried, Phil was out drinking again, and I'd finally acted out on the paralyzing fear that had taken hold of me the moment the doctors said I should say goodbye to my mother. "My stepdad had free reign. I saw no other way out. But you have a beautiful family, waiting to love and support you from the moment you decide you want to get better. And you _can_, Esme." I looked at her strongly. She looked at me with sad eyes, but I knew that I was getting through to her.

She sniffled loudly. "Carlisle wants me to start taking pills." I never liked taking pain killers, but anti-depressants might just be the first step towards Esme's recovery. But that wasn't any of my business. That was between Carlisle and Esme.

"How about we start with some sleep?" I asked. Esme looked at me warily. "That's all you have to do. Get up and into bed, and close your eyes," I explained. I didn't want to make her do anything that was beyond her at this point. But she needed sleep. I stood up, and stretched out a hand towards her. Esme looked up at me, but conceded and took my hand. I pulled her up from the ground unsteadily, supporting her as we made our way back into the bedroom.

My top must have lifted a little too high when I reached for the sheets bundled at the foot of the bed, because next thing I knew, I felt Esme's warm hands at the small of my back, and she asked: "These bruises." I mentally cringed. "Jasper?" I straightened myself out and looked back at Esme.

"Yes," I answered, and waited for her to get under the covers.

"You let him do that to you after everything you went through?" She laid back, and I covered her up. What Jasper did to me was really my business, but I understood why Esme felt the need to ask me. That's just how she was, and in her current state I welcomed the question. There was more than enough hope for her and Carlisle to make it through this. "How can you stand that?" she added.

"He knows where the real bruises are," I said. And Jasper knew just how to avoid them.

Esme didn't ask me anything more. She turned on her side and cuddled up in a ball underneath the sheets. "Bella," she said, and I sat down behind her on the bed.

"Don't worry," I said, remembering a similar scene with my mother. "I'm here." I didn't touch her, nor did either of us say anything more. She laid awake for about half hour before closing her eyes, but it took some time longer for her to fall asleep. Maybe she was hoping I'd leave before she fell asleep, maybe my presence was comforting, but eventually, an hour and a half later, I called her name softly, and she didn't even stir in the bed.

I walked into the bathroom on my tiptoes, and snatched the pills from the ground, putting them in my bag. I'd give them back later, or put them back in the bathroom if I ever got the chance again. Something told me Carlisle seeing them might just break him. I checked on Esme one last time before closing the bedroom door behind me. Carlisle was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs; I sincerely hoped that he hadn't been standing there the entire time.

"She's asleep," I said, and he only nodded in response. "You should get some sleep too. You look exhausted," I told him carefully. I would have told him to stop worrying too, but I figured he didn't need me to tell him that right there and then. I didn't know what would have happened if Esme had been up there on her own for much longer, because he had right to worry. Esme needed help. And she needed her husband and son more than anything else.

"I will." Carlisle nodded, and put his hands in his pockets. "Thank you, Bella. I don't know how to repay you."

"Make sure you get Esme some help. And get through this as a family," I said, and truly, that was all I wanted. I wished there was more I could do than just talk to Esme, or take care of Michael. I wished I could just take away the pain that had once again found its way into my life, but I knew it wasn't my place to feel that way. "That's all that matters."

"I just wish she'd talk to me." Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose, and stood still for long moments. Then he broke in front of my eyes; a sob escaped him, just as it had Esme earlier tonight. I had to do my very best not to start crying myself, and I had no idea what to do. Carlisle was like a father to me; children were never supposed to see their parents cry.

So I did the only thing I could possibly think of doing, even though it didn't seem enough by a long shot. I put a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed hard, fighting my own tears. Carlisle's hand came to rest on mine, and we continued to stand like that for countless of minutes. "I should go up and check on her." Carlisle straightened himself out, and looked at me. His eyes were almost as sad as Esme's.

I couldn't help myself; I took a step closer and threw my arms around him, hugging him close and tight, closing my eyes tightly. This had turned out to be one of the weirdest and most fucked up days in a long time, and I took it all out on Carlisle. I didn't even care if I was overstepping any boundaries. "Bella," he said, feeling one of his hands on my back.

"I'm sorry," I moved back, blinking through my tears. "I'll uhm... I'll just go." I turned on my heels, and rushed to the front door, closed it behind me, and ran for the car. I was a fucking idiot, hugging Carlisle? _Sure thing, Bella, smartest fucking move ever_. What the hell? How had my day gone from wanting Edward in my pants, to wanting to marry Jasper all over again the moment I'd seen Rose in her wedding dress, to _this_?

It felt like I sat outside in the car for hours, even though it was probably less than that. I clutched the steering wheel with both hands tightly. I _hugged_ Carlisle, I fucking hugged _my boss_! How was I going to get out of this? I knew I was probably making too big a deal out of this, but I couldn't afford to lose this job. I couldn't afford losing Carlisle's friendship and care. The lights went out inside the house, and I figured I should probably be getting home; Jasper would be worrying about me. I didn't call him like he told me to; he'd be home sooner or later, and this way I could get myself together before he got back to the apartment. Jazz had this tendency of working better at night as well.

It was near midnight when I got home, and I released a sigh of relief when I made it inside our apartment without running into anyone I knew. I decided to call Rose and the others in the morning to tell them what happened; they were probably out partying, or asleep. It didn't seem right to kill their buzz over a silly little hug that Carlisle would most likely forget. And besides, Jasper would be getting home any moment, there was no one else I needed more right now. I'd no sooner had the thought, and the front door opened. I got up from the bed, but halted in my tracks when Jasper whooshed by me, straight towards the bathroom.

"Jazz?" I frowned, and moved to follow him. "Babe? What's wrong?"

He turned around and looked at me. His eyes instantly paralyzed me; there was fear in them. "Just give me a minute," he said, walking into the bathroom, and closing the door behind him.

I stood at the bathroom door listening, my hand raised in a fist, ready to knock on the door, but when I heard Jasper sob loudly, my breath caught in my throat. He was crying. I'd only ever seen him cry once before, and that was one of the most horrible days for him. My hand remained in the air; I couldn't will it to move anymore. My limbs felt heavy, and I only then realised just how tired I was. A lot had happened today, but it seemed life still deemed it fit to throw its shit at me even at this hour. _Why was he_...?

I thought about the last time I'd seen him cry; he'd just moved into the same foster family as me. I knew little of his past in those first years, but it was clear that his pain had everything to do with his mother, Maria. She found him one day, despite the fact that she was supposed to go nowhere near him. I'd seen Jasper turn from a fourteen year old that knew how to take care of himself, to a six year old that was scared stiff the moment his mother called out his name. It was the one and only time I'd ever seen him cry.

I laid down on the bed, eyes wide open, waiting for Jasper to come out of the bathroom. It seemed like hours passed before I heard the door open again. I didn't move, and he didn't walk over to me. I heard drawers and closets open and close, and he dug around the kitchen too. The bed dipping behind me was the only indication I got of him even noticing me. I turned on my back, and stared into his eyes. "Babe, I need to go," he said softly. I could tell he was hurting badly. "Just for a little while. I need to clear my head."

"Don't take too long," I found myself answering, but my mouth was moving without my brain's approval. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, because his mother had died a few years ago. I needed to know what was wrong, and I needed him to tell me how to fix it. But I also knew my Jazz; he dealt with things in his own way, in his own time. It hurt him to leave me like this, but he knew I was selfless enough to let him go. If that wasn't fucked up, I didn't know what was.

"I won't. I promise," he said, and put a hand on my cheek. I put one on his, and suddenly yearned to have him closer. What a day. Hadn't it been my plan earlier to fuck Jasper senseless? To come home and jump his bones? Why did I suddenly find myself having to say goodbye again? Was it karma, or the same cruel joke life seemed to play on us every time things got better?

Jasper closed what distance was left between us, and captured my lips softly. I wanted him deeper, I wanted him _everywhere_, because I could feel tears streaming into my eyes again, and I didn't want to make Jasper think he was making me cry. He didn't know about my day, and I didn't want to burden him with it right now either. I parted my lips for him, but he didn't deepen the kiss. I wailed when he pulled back, and hugged me close to him. "I could wait until you fall asleep," he said, his voice showing just how much he was struggling. I needed to let him go.

"No." I took a breath, and looked into his eyes again. I wanted him to stay just as much as I wanted him to be able to deal with this. "You go clear your head. And hurry back to me."

"Okay." Jasper pressed his lips to mine once more. "I love you," he whispered, and got up from the bed. His hand slipped from mine.

"Love you too," I said, and turned back on my side. I heard the door open, then close behind him. I waited for the sound of Jasper's footsteps to die out. And then I burst out in tears.

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**please read & review!**


	11. Chapter 10: Praying For Love

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Bella/Emmett, Bella/Tanya, Carlisle, Edward/Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content: LEMONS!  
**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** update time! i'm having so much fun writing this story. i hope you all enjoy this new chapter. special THANK YOU to all my reviewers and commenters! you guys rock!

* * *

**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 10: **praying for love in a lap dance**  
**

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**BPOV**

"Hmm." I shook my head, my eyes still tightly closed. I'd been drifting in and out of sleep for the past half hour, and I couldn't seem to shake the images playing behind my eyelids. They were familiar to me, but I hadn't had nightmares like this in years. I stirred in the bed, the sheets curling around my legs and moaned in complaint again. Suddenly, I felt a hand coming to rest on my cheek. "Jazz?" I asked, and finally managed to shake off the haze in my head. I knew it wasn't Jasper, but I couldn't help but ask.

"It's me Bella," Emmett answered, and hugged me closer to him. Somewhere in the apartment, I heard the shower running. I opened my eyes, and stared right into Emmett's. "It's okay, it was just a dream," he said, caressing a thumb over my cheek. I knew better. It wasn't just a dream, or a nightmare. It was a memory of times that I thought I'd put behind me.

I turned to lay on my back, and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?" I asked. Three days had passed since Jasper had taken off in the middle of the night. Someone had kept me company the moment I told them what kind of a day I'd had. Rosalie had come over two nights ago, and we'd watched chick flicks all night, eating popcorn and painting each other's nails. The night after Emmett joined us at some frat party where I got pissed drunk. I didn't remember much of that night. Last night was spend entirely in bed with Emmett and Tanya. I knew I could always count on Emmett to do me good and proper. I would have difficulty sitting right for the next two days or so, but he was exactly what I'd needed. Tanya was there to ease any pain.

"Eight," Emmett said, and my alarm clock went off right on cue, which meant I had to shower and dress and get to work. It was Saturday, but I had some class preparations to get through for next week. I tried not to think about next week too much; just the idea of Jazz still not being there nearly tore me in half.

I got up, and dragged myself to the bathroom; Tanya was just getting out of the shower. She was still wet and steamy when she walked over to me. "How are you feeling, _ma chère_?" she asked, putting her warm hands on my cheeks; it definitely woke me up, and made me all the more appreciative that my friends had spend the night with me.

"All the better with you here," I smiled softly. Tanya leaned in closer, pulling me flush against her hot body, and traced her tongue across my lips. I closed my eyes, mesmerized in a way only Tanya could accomplish, and parted my lips for her. She drew me in deeper, our tongues entangling and our lips moulding together perfectly. My head started swimming again, but in a much better way this time; when anyone kissed me like this I forgot all about the world, or the past.

"Ah fuck, Tan," Emmett exclaimed from the open bathroom door, Tanya releasing my lips in a wet pop. I almost whimpered. "You can't go doing that when I'm around." Tanya chuckled, and I felt a smile creeping across my lips as well. Within our happy band of lovers there were few rules, but the few we had in place were very strict and personal. Rose had requested that she get to be the only one to kiss Emmett, so Tanya and me were forced to obey. His lips were off limits, his dick was gang property.

"You didn't seem to mind last night," Tanya said, and pulled my face against hers, both of us now staring at Emmett like we were ready to devour him all over again. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest, and smiled playfully. He knew we pretty much had him there; there was little Emmett didn't want to see us doing to each other. Tanya and I both broke out in giggles, causing Emmett to sigh again and to leave us to our girl business. Such a thoughtful boy. "So we're going to do lunch?" Tanya asked me.

"I thought we were going to keep Alice company," I said, and frowned. This was a most interesting turn of events; I didn't feel like playing dress-up, and I really didn't feel up to facing Alice's happy demeanour right now. Sometimes that girl just had too much energy.

"Rose cancelled that to spend some time with you. It's all about you until Jazz is back. I mean, I'd pamper you like this all the time, but I think Jasper might start feeling lonely after a while." Tanya wrinkled her nose, and I chuckled. It sounded like music to my ears; just my two girls, and no Alice. I liked Alice, really I did, but I didn't want to have to explain to her why I was feeling down, or where Jasper was. We were nowhere close enough to being besties like that.

Tanya took my face in her hands again, and pressed one feather light kiss to my lips. I smiled back at her when she moved back. "I drew you a bath," she said softly. I loved this girl. "Enjoy it while it's warm. I'll see you at lunch." I nodded gratefully, and stared after her as she threw off her towel, and strolled naked into the apartment to find her clothes.

"TAN! What did I just tell you?" I heard Emmett exclaim.

"Don't even think about it, McCarthy," Tanya answered. I chuckled to myself, and got out of my clothes. By the time I'd settled down in the bathtub, Tanya had already left. I assumed she asked Emmett to stay behind, because not long after I heard the door close, Emmett sauntered back into the bathroom. He sat down on the floor next to the bathtub, and started making circles in the water with his index finger.

"Bee, everything is going to be alright," he said, and I raised my head to look at him, my hair sticking to me wetly. "You know that right?" Emmett had this way of worrying about me even more than all the others. Sometimes he picked up on my moods even faster than Jasper did, and through that ability we'd formed a friendship I didn't share with any other guy. I could tell him anything, and I listened to him whenever he needed me.

"I don't know, Em," I sighed, walking my fingers up his arm. Jasper was a pretty strong guy, but Emmett could easily hold me up with one arm. I could definitely see what Rose saw in him; Emmett was one big teddy bear. "I've never seen him like this. He's never..." I sat up in the tub, pulling my legs closer to my body, covering up my nakedness, even though I knew I didn't need to in front of Emmett.

"I think we both know Jazz isn't the best at expressing his feelings," Emmett said, and sat up on his knees. He grabbed a washcloth and dipped it in the water. I gathered my hair in my hands, and pulled it to the side so that Emmett could wash my back.

"Yeah," I agreed. I understood it easily enough, but when you cared about someone the way I cared about Jasper, it was hard to accept sometimes. "I'm just worried. And I miss him. I don't usually go this long without him." Ever since I had started dating Jasper at the age of sixteen, the longest we'd spend separated was two days, because one of our other foster brothers had insisted Jasper had a bachelor party, and that we'd spend the night before the wedding apart. It had been three days now already; I didn't know how to deal with that. I thought I was slowly starting to lose my mind.

"Good thing you have us then." I felt Emmett's warm hand on my back then, and I leaned against the side of the tub to accept his embrace.

"I hate being such a bother," I said softly, casting down my eyes.

"Nonsense!" Emmett exclaimed strongly, and I looked up at him. "Don't you ever think that, Bella Marie Hale." I chuckled, and closed my eyes when he put his lips to my forehead. "We love you. All of us. We do this for each other without giving it another thought. Just don't think that I'll ever service Jasper like that if you ever jet," Emmett added, and I felt a quirk form in my brow. Emmett and his brain, how could I not love it?

Emmett walked me to work in silence an hour later. Another thing I absolutely loved about Emmett; sometimes he was just _there_, wordlessly. How is it that our lives had started out so unbelievably dark, and we'd still somehow managed to end up with such amazing friends? Maybe someone somewhere _was_ looking after us. Emmett kissed me on the cheek when he deposited me safely at Carlisle's office; it was almost like he was afraid I might fall apart in the few minutes it took me to get from the front door of the building to the fifth office in the third corridor to your right. I hoped he would find his way back out.

I started my day with filing away some of Carlisle's research documents, and putting the books he'd used for class back in their designated spots on the book shelves. I did everything I possibly could to get my mind of things. After putting the books away, I walked over to Carlisle's desk, and checked if there were any phone calls he needed to return. I called the library to ask if my books were in yet. That was a trip I could make later today. The day wasn't advancing fast enough to my satisfaction, and the prospect of having to face an afternoon alone elevated my heartbeat. I knew Rose and Tanya had other plans, and I wasn't going to impede on them anymore than I already had today.

And then it suddenly hit me, the one thing I had been deflecting by spending time working and with friends. What if Jasper needed more time than I had thought? Just because we'd never spend much time apart, didn't mean that he would be hurrying for my sake. Part of me didn't want him to rush at all, another entirely desperate part of me needed him with me again. But even more than that, more than anything, I wanted to know what had happened to him. This uncertainty was driving me crazy, more than I believed my friends even realised. Suddenly the thought of spending a fourth day without Jasper became unbearable.

I ended up doing the only thing I could possibly think off: I texted Edward and asked him if he wouldn't mind working on our research paper tomorrow. I was pretty certain that Edward wouldn't let me down. The thought probably wouldn't even cross his mind. I didn't feel like I was in any way taking advantage of him like this; I needed company, and Edward had this way of distracting me.

"Bella," Carlisle's voice sounded from behind me suddenly. I put away my cellphone quickly; for some strange reason I felt busted. "I didn't know you'd be in today." Carlisle walked over to his desk, and put down his briefcase. I didn't know _he'd_ be in today; last thing I wanted to be was in Carlisle's way.

"Yeah, I needed something to distract me," I answered, looking at him strongly. I tried to get my breathing under control again, but I'd been close to tears just a few minutes ago, and it was proving rather difficult.

"Is everything alright?" Carlisle asked, looking at me. I averted my eyes, because I didn't want him to see me like this. Leave it to Carlisle to notice I was distressed. "Bella, if this is about the other night..." he said. I closed my eyes, and took a breath. It _was_ about the other night, the same night, but I knew that's not what Carlisle was talking about.

"It's not. No, it's... it's nothing." I turned around again, feeling more composed. "Don't worry about me." I tried to laugh it off.

It seemed I was failing miserably. "Did something happen?" Carlisle asked. "Bella, you can talk to me. You're like... you're like a daughter to me, you know that." I cleared my throat and turned around again to stop the wave of fresh tears that rushed to my eyes. Of all the things he could have said, why did it have to be that? It was the most beautiful thing he could have ever said to me.

"How's Esme?" I asked to change the subject. I heard Carlisle release a sigh and move closer to me, but he didn't pursue his inquiry.

"As good as she can be at the moment," he answered. I wiped at my face, and took a deep breath. "She's agreed to try some light anti-depressants." That relieved me greatly, though the weight on my shoulders still felt heavy.

"That's good. A good start." I nodded, and turned around again.

"Bella..." Carlisle said again, and I found that he was closer to me than I had expected. The way he said my name opened the floodgates, I felt warm thick tears running down my cheeks. What if Jasper took another week? Two weeks? How was I going to deal with that? He wasn't returning my texts, and I didn't dare to phone him out of fear that he reject me further.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I sniffled, and put up a hand to keep Carlisle back. But I felt any resistance crumbling when I saw the concern in Carlisle's eyes. It wasn't the same he showed when it concerned Esme, but it was the same look he had whenever he worried about Michael. It was a father's worry. I broke down in tears. "I can't..." I shook my head.

"It's okay," Carlisle said, and I felt his hand on my hair, pulling me closer to him. I had no fight left inside of me. I let him pull me closer as I buried my face in his chest. I let it all out, all the tears I'd let out on my own the night Jasper left, the tears I'd been holding back for the past three days, everything. And Carlisle let me. He just held me tight in his arms, a father's arms, and I held on for dear life.

* * *

**EPOV**

I was just locking up the office when I got Bella's text message. I hadn't heard from her in a few days, but the message assured me I hadn't overstepped any boundaries last time we saw each other. I'd wanted to go and talk to her for a while now, but how exactly did one bring up the subject of an almost-affair? Because if Bella and I ever started anything – for all intents and purposes – we'd be having an affair. I'd tried hard not to think about what could have happened if Alice hadn't walked in the moment she had. I liked to think that I would have done the right thing and stayed true to my relationship with Alice, but the more I thought about it, and when I remembered who I'd jagged off on afterwards, the less I was convinced I really was a gentleman.

A gentleman would have apologized for his behaviour already, no matter how strongly he believed that Bella was doing everything in her power to make him feel the way he was feeling. Because good God, this girl was messing with my head. Still, for professionalism's sake, and my own sanity to be quite honest, I decided to drop by Dr Cullen's office to see if Bella was there. That way I could give her my reply in person, which was yes, a full-hearted yes.

The door was ajar when I arrived at Dr Cullen's office; I heard mumbled sounds from inside. I raised my hand in a fist, about to knock on the door, when I heard Bella's voice. "I can't..." she said, a strangled loaded cry. She was crying. I was momentarily pinned in place, and a cold sweat broke out across my back. Part of me wanted to storm in and wrap my arms around her, tell her everything would be alright. The rational part of me, that was usually absent when it came to Bella, told me I couldn't very well walk in there and claim to have the answers. Which would be in my arms.

"It's okay," I heard Dr Cullen say when I put my ear closer to the door. She didn't need me. She needed someone that knew her, that knew how to comfort her and hold her just right. I briefly found myself wondering where the hell Jasper was in all this.

I texted Bella back while I was walking home. I told her I hadn't made any plans, and that I'd be happy to work on our research paper together. I knew that Alice would be working on Rosalie's bridesmaid dresses, because the proprietor of the fabric store was a little paranoid about burglaries when she was gone and there was no one in the store. I wasn't sure how I felt about that paranoia combined with Alice being all alone in a big store, but Alice had assured me that there was nothing to worry about. It hadn't helped.

I was surprised to find Alice in my apartment once I'd shut the door behind me. She'd told me she'd be home late. "No wedding responsibilities today?" I asked when I caught her eye. She was doing the dishes I'd neglected to do last night.

"I had plans," Alice shrugged, and put away the plates. I could tell she was feeling bummed out about something. "But Rose cancelled those to go and cheer up _Bella_." She was in a really bad mood; the way she spit out Bella's name told me enough. I didn't understand her resentment, but maybe there was more going on.

"Bella?" I asked curiously, realising too late that might be the worst question I could have asked. But when it came to Bella there wasn't a lot of rationality around for me.

"Yeah. _Bella_." I only just caught Alice rolling her eyes at the admission. What was up with that? "She's been feeling down for a few days now, and the gang has been spending some quality time with her." I couldn't tell if Alice was upset because she wasn't included in said quality time, or because this was to cheer up Bella specifically. From what I could tell half an hour ago, Bella needed all the cheering up she could get.

"The _gang_?" I asked mockingly. I hoped to change the subject.

"Rosalie. Emmett. Tanya. Jasper. The gang," she said, and her tone of voice told me she really wanted to be part of _the gang_ as well. So Bella wasn't the problem here. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed how they all stick together?" She looked at me, her eyes a little more playful than a minute ago.

"I know you've been sticking to them like glue since Rosalie asked you to help out with her wedding," I said, my voice playful as well. I sat down on the sofa, putting my books down on the coffee table, which was already packed with books and all kinds of papers. "Why do you think I'm working on a Saturday? I thought you'd be hanging out with your new best friends." I feigned insult, but chuckled the moment I saw a mock-pout form across Alice's lips. How could anyone resist that? It was fucking adorable.

"And now I am here to spend some quality time with my boyfriend," she said, and walked over to me slowly. I took a breath, and focused my eyes on her hips, swaying seductively in my direction. "Do you think you can find it in yourself to forgive me?" she pouted further, and came to a halt in front of me, standing between my legs.

"I don't know," I narrowed my eyes, but moved a hand between her legs, sliding my fingers up the inside of her thigh. She parted her legs for me slightly. "You have been rather preoccupied lately," I added, my eyes darkening as they focused on her face. She was looking so delicious, and _fuck_, I did love her preference for little dresses that left little to the imagination. My fingers connected with her pussy; she was already wet for me. I flicked my thumb across her clit, and she threw her head back. But that's not what I needed from her. I needed her to look at me. "I've been feeling awfully neglected." And the soldier in my pants was starting to feel blue too.

"I know," Alice gasped, and put her hands down on my shoulders to steady herself. "I'm sorry, baby. Let me make it up to you." She pushed my hand to the side, and straddled my lap before I'd realised what was going on. She wasn't usually one to rush into these kinds of things, let alone stop me from getting her off. But it felt so good to have her this close, a steady pressure on my groin, her scent permeating the atmosphere. With Alice I never knew what to expect; she was as flighty as a humming bird.

She grabbed my face in both hands, and pulled me in for a kiss while grinding her hips into me; my cock grew hard instantly. I hadn't been properly fucked, or had properly fucked anyone since before Bella had worked me into a frenzy three days ago. I kissed Alice back hungrily, sucking at her lips hard, and pushed my groin up into her. Alice gasped into my mouth. Her little hands were unbuttoning my shirt quickly, and slid warmly across my chest, down my abdomen, until they reached my jeans. She undid the button, and tugged on my zipper, all with the greatest care.

"Baby, I missed you," she said, her lips leaving mine, and rained kisses down my neck. It was almost as if she was working for extra credit. I'd missed her too; I'd missed the light feel of her, the soft touch, her immediateness, her little gasps, and even her greedy little hands. How could I ever think I wanted Bella? How could Alice ever not be enough? How could I ever hurt this fragile little creature? I loved Alice, and I didn't care how much I wanted Bella; Alice loved me as well, and with Bella I never knew where I stood. Sometimes life was all about settling.

I wrapped my arms around her frail lean body, and sat up straighter, giving my cock more room once Alice released it from my trousers. "Alice, I need you," I whispered against her skin, and dug a hand in her hair. Alice grabbed my cock, and positioned it at her entrance. She sunk onto me so fucking slowly it made me growl. This is what it was all about, surrender, control, balance. This wasn't just sex, not just some carnal desire the body needed fulfilled. No, this was about me and Alice, holding each other's gaze while she moved herself up and down my length. She was asking me everything, and that's exactly what I gave her. _Everything_.

---

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?" I asked, worry washing all over me. I didn't know what had started her crying yesterday, but it was clear that whatever it was, it was still affecting her now. I'd done most of the talking for the past hour, and all she'd done was nod or agree with me. And I'd just come to enjoy going in discussion with her. "You seem distracted," I added, and looked at her.

"I'm fine," she said, not looking at me. She folded her hands together in her lap and sat up straighter. When I didn't say anything more, she looked up at me. "_Really_," she insisted.

"If this is about the other day..." I started, but I wasn't altogether sure how I would continue if it was about that. Bella chuckled to herself. I didn't get it. I hadn't kissed her, I hadn't made her break her wedding vows. And she'd been the one coming on to me; she wasn't seriously blaming me for being, well, _a man_? Bella rubbed her eyes wearily. "It's Jasper," she said, and I felt my heart sink down to my stomach. Of course it was Jasper. "He hasn't been home for a few days, and I guess I'm not quite used to it."

My mind reeled; I didn't know what to think. Why hadn't Jasper come home? Because Bella had told him about her _almost_-indiscretion with me, and he couldn't accept it? Jasper didn't exactly strike me as the kind of guy to feel insulted by our little what if-scenario. But _what if_? What if Jasper went away to think about his relationship with Bella? Why was she here with me? To prove a point to Jasper, or to taunt him further? I didn't get this at all.

"Forget it," Bella spoke again, and sighed as if the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders. Sometimes I actually believed it to be true. "Doesn't even matter."

"Of course it does," I said, and she looked up at me in surprise. I was just as surprised; I couldn't believe I actually found myself defending Jasper _fucking_ Hale, the man married to the one woman my dick wanted more than anything in this world. Why had I been such a chicken shit to begin with? If Alice hadn't walked in, I could have had her. Hell, I was pretty sure that if I _had_ been lip locked with Bella when Alice walked in, there wouldn't have been a whole lot she could have said to make me stop. This entire situation was fucked up beyond belief. "I don't like seeing you like this," I added, and her eyes mellowed from surprise to a stunning acceptance of my words.

"You're sweet," Bella smiled softly, and put a hand down on my knee. Fuck it, I almost jumped right out of my skin. Even now, after so resolutely deciding I was going to commit to Alice, I still wanted Bella. Luckily I managed to keep it together. "I just wish I knew what happened, you know?"

My face fell. I didn't know what had happened between Bella and Jasper, and now she didn't either? What the hell was going on? "Can I ask..." I said, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know at all.

Bella took a moment to think. A crease formed between her eyebrows that was the most delicious brooding line I had ever seen, and she sucked in her bottom lip. And again, in that moment, I was absolutely done for. Anything she asked me for in the time to come, I would do without question. "We both had a pretty horrible childhood," Bella said, and I instantly regretted being so nosy. Of course, there must have been a reason why she donned such a perfect mask for the outside world, why she and Jasper had lied about their pasts. I hadn't called them on it, and I never would. I understood better than most. "Whenever Jasper's past resurfaces he needs to get away from things. To think things through and sort himself out."

"And that's what he's doing now?" I asked.

"For the past four days," Bella answered, and stared down at the ring around her finger. Ah yes, the ever present wedding ring. Part of me wished I could rip it off her finger and she'd let me. Another part of me couldn't even think of doing anything of the sort right now. She looked so vulnerable, so lost without Jasper. She needed him, not me, and definitely not my childish fantasies about us being together in an altogether better world.

"I'm sorry," I said, and decided right there and then, that I would never try anything with her again. We lived in this world, cold hard reality, and in this world Bella belonged with Jasper.

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**please read and review!**


	12. Chapter 11: and Paying In Naivety

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Bella, Angela, Jessica, Carlisle

**warnings:** au/ah. wip.**  
**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** had an unfortunate coffee-induced accident with my laptop this week, so i had to piece this chapter back together, that's why it's a tad shorter. hope you enjoy! thanks to all my amazing reviewers!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 11: **and paying in naivety

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The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could,

but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge.

-- Edgar Allan Poe, _A Cask of Amontillado  
_

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**BPOV**

It was Tuesday today, or so the calendar on my desk had informed me this morning. I was beginning to lose track of time, of everything. Six days had already passed since Jasper walked out of the apartment, the same apartment that was looking at me now, showing me the absence of him everywhere. His side of the bed had been slept in since then, but not by Jasper. His breakfast cereal, that only he touched, had remained untouched since he left. I couldn't bare it, this emptiness, the same emptiness that was starting to grow its way into my chest. It hurt so much.

If it weren't for my friends I'd spend my days in bed, not eating, not sleeping, but just crying. For all my strength and courage, I was nothing without Jasper by my side. I'd always needed him by my side. Rosalie and Tanya kept me busy during breakfast, lunch and dinner, and sometimes during the night as well. But they still all had lives to get to. They'd all pretty much moved into my apartment, but it didn't remove the fact that Jasper was missing. He was one of us. He was part of me. And I needed him back already.

I was afraid to text him at all, fearful that any hint of my current condition in my words might send him straight back to me before he was really ready. And I needed him to deal with whatever had happened to him. I just needed him to get through it before I fell apart myself.

Luckily I still had my classes, that left me with little time to think about myself or Jasper. Midterms were coming up as well, which meant that truckloads of anxious students dropped by during office hours to ask additional questions, or fill in gaps in their notes. Right now I was talking to Jessica Stanley and Angela Weber about Rushdie's _Satanic Verses, _one of the first books we'd discussed this semester.

"I just don't get why he would write something this offensive, you know?" Jessica said, dropping her hands into her lap, her book splayed over her knee. We'd been talking about religion and morality for the better part of an hour already. "Like, people actually got killed over this right?" her eyes went wide as she looked up at me.

"They did," I nodded and sat up straighter in the sofa facing my two students. It felt strange to face just the two of them now; it felt more intimate, like we were all close friends. I was only two years older than them, and I was in their position not too long ago. It was strange being their teacher now. "But you have to understand that Rushdie probably didn't mean this book to be offensive at all."

"Really?" Jessica asked, Angela staring at her friend curiously from behind her glasses. These two made quite a strange pair, mostly because Angela was very quiet, and Jessica never stopped talking. "Because when I read it, I mean, I'm not like a religious person, _at all_, but I can see how other people might think it's, you know, _really_ offensive. Plus, isn't he like, Islamic himself?" I loved Jessica's way with words; she sounded like a sixteen year old when you really got her going, but the girl knew what she was talking.

"He is. But he converted long after this controversy started," I answered. It had never made much sense to me either, and it hadn't made a difference. The Ayatollah Khomeini that had put the death threat on Rushdie's head had died before he could do anything about it, and his successor never had either. "But to answer your question. This book was written for the Western world, where there's the absolute belief that we're living in a postmodern age."

"And you're saying Islamic countries aren't there yet?" Jessica raises an eyebrow, crinkling her nose in the process.

"What I'm saying..." I chuckled lightly; I couldn't help it, she was trying so hard to understand, "... with this book," I took hold of the big book with both hands, "he threw the notion of postmodernism into that Eastern world, that wasn't ready to be confronted with the term or the consequences of that."

"Why?" Angela asked, looking up from the notebook after fervently writing my words down.

I cleared my throat, hoping I could make this clear to them with the right words. Never in my life had I thought that I'd be sitting here, doing something that I loved, and trying to convey the same enthusiasm to other people. "Because postmodernism puts everything on its hinges. History, religion, everything. The Western world might be okay with that, but not the East." Jessica was still frowning, but tried to hide it by looking down at her notes. "Tell me, when was the last time you felt personally offended when someone took the Lord's name in vain on some TV show? or the Bible was openly refuted?"

"Oh, I see!" Jessica raised her head, and smiled. Her smile was infectious. She looked through her papers again, and I waited patiently for any other questions they might have.

Angela sat still and looked at me from behind the thick frame of her glasses. Sometimes I thought that girl could see right through me. I knew I didn't look like my usual self; I hadn't really been sleeping, and despite my friends' insistence, I hadn't been eating enough either. I looked a mess, and felt a mess, but I hoped I wasn't acting like one.

"Was that all?" I ended up asking when Jessica started putting her things away without speaking another word.

Jessica looked up quickly, said: "Oh yes, thank you so much for your time," and jumped up from the sofa. Angela started getting her things together slowly. "Ang, we have to go. We've got class," Jessica said, looking down at her friend first, her watch second.

"You go ahead," Angela said softly, in that sweet voice of hers. "Save me a seat."

"If you have any more questions, feel free to drop by, or send me an email," I called after Jessica. She turned around and smiled, nodding, and then disappeared into the hallway. I picked up my books from the small table in the middle of the room, and walked over to Carlisle's desk. He was in a meeting with senior faculty, so I'd taken the time to schedule some student-teacher conferences.

"Miss?" I heard Angela's voice behind me suddenly; I thought she'd left already. I turned around, and found her standing in the middle of the room, her bag hugged tightly against her chest, chewing her bottom lip. She was hesitant about asking me something. "Is Mr Hale alright?" she asked carefully, and I felt my stomach drop. She did see right through me. "His classes have been cancelled, and you don't seem..."

"He's uhm... he's sick," I almost stuttered. So far none of Jasper's students had approached me yet, though I couldn't know about his emails. I had the password, but it wasn't my place to go snooping around in that. I made up an excuse on the spot. "A cold, nothing to really worry about. He'll be back soon." But I knew that was merely a hope I held myself. "Is there anything you wanted to ask him?"

"I just..." Angela hesitated again, staring down at her feet. "I was wondering if it had anything to do with... because Rosalie said..." I had no idea what she was talking about, but whatever it was, it was making Angela extremely uncomfortable. "... about his past," she added.

"Jasper's past?" I frowned. I couldn't imagine Rosalie talking about Jasper's past to Angela, even if they knew each other from Forks High. And I still didn't know what she was getting at. I did get the eerily creepy suspicion that Angela knew something that I didn't. I was determined to find out. "What do you mean?"

"I had a very late class last week, and I saw..." Angela looked away from me again, her weight shifting from one leg to the other fast. I felt my heart beating faster, confused by the sensation that a noose was being wrapped around my neck, and that any moment, Angela's words were going to pull it tighter.

"Angela, what did you see?" I tried to keep my voice as steady as I could, but I knew it was trembling. "Jasper?" I remember that he'd been working late in his office the night he left; his office wasn't far from the classrooms. Angela could have seen him.

"And Mr Masen's girlfriend." Angela looked at me carefully. I felt the crease behind my eyebrows deepening; I had no idea what Angela was talking about, but just the array of possibilities that were shooting through my mind were about to make my knees buckle out from under me. "The one with the spiky hair?"

"Alice," I said, and Angela nodded. "What about her?" I shook my head, trying to clear it, but it wasn't working. In fact, speaking Alice's name brought an image to my eyes that scared me shitless. But it couldn't, it simply couldn't. She wouldn't do that to us.

"She came on to Mr Hale," Angela said, confirming my worst fears. "He reacted very... _shocked_." That was it, the thing that had him so rattled. Alice? Why would she do that? Wasn't it enough that she slept around behind Edward's back? That we had accepted her as one of our closer friends and were about to let her in? How could she do that? She understood us well enough to know we had rules, and they had to be followed at all costs.

"_She_..." I breathed, but was at a loss for any other words. I felt tears shoot into my eyes, prickling in the corners. "Angela, I need you to tell me exactly what you saw." I took a few steps towards the younger girl in front of me. She seemed averse to the idea of telling me. "Angela, look at me," I insisted, putting my hands on her shoulders. "I'm not mad, at all. But I need to know what you saw, anything you remember. It's very important."

"Well, she kinda backed him against the wall and well, just, _touched_ him," Angela said, never once taking her eyes off me. I figured she was afraid I might break down or something. But I didn't, I couldn't, not until I knew everything, not until I knew the details.

"How did she..." I swallowed hard, the words becoming actual weights on my tongue, "... touch him?"

"She put her hand down his pants," Angela blurted out and stared down at her feet again. I let her go and turned my back on her. "But he pushed her off immediately," Angela added quickly, as if to make sure I knew that Jasper didn't respond to Alice's advances. As if I didn't know that already. I had no reason to distrust Jasper, or Angela. It was Alice that was at fault here. "He's not sick, is he?" Angela asked carefully.

"No, he just left a few days ago," I answered without turning around; I didn't want her to see my tears, or the anger that was no doubt showing in my eyes as well. I heard footsteps on the carpet behind us suddenly; I turned around to see Carlisle walking in.

"Bella," he greeted me, and laid eyes on Angela as well. "Am I interrupting anything?" he asked; he knew I was having some students over while he was in his meeting.

"No, I was just going," Angela said quickly, "Professor Cullen," she nodded, Carlisle nodding as well. She took big steps towards the door, and closed it behind her, running to get to her next class.

"Is something..." Carlisle started, but stopped immediately when I looked up at him. I was done trying to hide things from him; that man read my moods as well as Jasper or Emmett. He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong? Still haven't heard anything from Jasper?" I couldn't find it in myself to answer him. Everything that had been preoccupying me these past few days, Jasper's absence, Jasper's lack of texts faded to the back of my mind, and left room for only one realisation. The reason why he left was Alice.

"She touched him," I spoke between clenched teeth. "Alice touched him." I stared out into oblivion while I spoke. There were few rules, but the few we had were clear. Only Rosalie got to kiss Emmett, Tanya got a little extra on the side whenever she felt the need, and most importantly, exceedingly more important than all the other rules; I was the only one that got Jasper. Kissing, touching or fucking, Jasper was mine, completely.

I could tell Carlisle didn't understand. "That little _bitch_ touched Jasper," I spit, perhaps a little to vehement in Carlisle's presence, but I was losing control fast. "_No one_ touches Jasper. God..." I put a hand over my mouth, and looked at Carlisle.

"Bella..." he said.

"Last week he came home crying," I cried as well. "Crying! I've never... I've only seen him crying once when he was fourteen and his mother found him." I was shaking my head and I didn't even know why. "She just showed up, uninvited. He flipped, completely freaked out. And now he's..." Now he was dealing with the fact that Alice touched him as impromptu as his mother used to. "He doesn't like to be touched. I'm the only one he..."

"Bella, look at me," Carlisle said strongly, literally trying to shake me out of my ranting by grabbing my shoulders. "Let's be rational."

"Rational?" my eyes went wide. Who said anything about reason at this point? I wasn't capable of it at this point. That bitch hurt Jasper, and I was going to take her down. _Fuck_ reason. _Fuck_ common courtesy. "I don't care that she slept with students, or that she cheats on Edward. But Jasper? That's _crossing_ a line."

"Bella!" Carlisle called out my name again, and looked at me strongly. If he was trying to tell me something just by looking at me it was missing its purpose. He wasn't going to be able to reason with me, not when I was in this state.

"He hasn't been home for six days," I cried, squeezing my eyes shut briefly. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. "We've never been apart. Look at me!" I opened my eyes again, the compassion in Carlisle's eyes leaving me breathless. "I'm... I'm falling apart." I tried to breathe but I couldn't. "I can't... breathe without him." I went through my knees then, sunk down to the ground, burying my face in my hands, and I didn't even care that the position made the pain in my knee stand out even more.

"Calm down." I felt Carlisle's hand on my hair, and I managed to draw in a shuddery breath. "This won't help Jasper." I nodded, and brushed my hair behind my ears, finding a more comfortable position to sit in. I stared at the wedding ring around my finger, and pushed it half an inch higher so I could see the tattoo right underneath it as well. I sniffled loudly, and found some semblance of sanity again, my breathing slowly going down. "Now can we talk about this calmly?" Carlisle stroked my hair, and I looked at him.

"No," I shook my head imperceptibly. It wasn't that I didn't value Carlisle's advice, or his way of staying calm in very stressful situation. He just didn't understand this. How could he? "Because he'll come home fine, and he'll tell me everything is okay." I knew Jasper. If Alice truly was the reason for him leaving, he would never tell me. "But it won't be. Every time she looks at him, or she talks to him, he'll be reminded. And I'll know. I need to show him she's not stronger." I looked away from Carlisle. "I'm going to break her."

"And how exactly would you do that?" Carlisle asked, rhetorical I figured, but I knew exactly how I was going to break Alice. I had long since realised that behind that happy-go-lucky facade she had going on lay a girl that was just as scared of the world as any of us. She had a weak spot, and that's exactly where I was going to hit her. I was taking Edward. But Carlisle didn't need to know that.

It wouldn't be about him wanting me physically; I was pretty sure I already had him there. No, if I wanted to make it hurt, I would need Edward to want to be with me. I needed him to fall for me hard, while still in a relationship with Alice. She loved Edward, I was pretty sure of that, but after I was through with her he would love me. Edward was a good guy, and it wouldn't be fair to do this to him, but my revenge would taste so much sweeter than the bitterness Edward's downfall would cause me. It wasn't fair, but it needed to be done. I was going to have to pull out all the stops for this one.

There was one thing bugging me. What did I tell my friends? I couldn't tell Jasper what I was planning. He'd figure it out sooner or later, but he had this way of forgiving me my sins. But how could I tell the others? They'd feel sorry for me, or try to help me, but this was something I needed to do myself. For Jasper. And for me.

"Need you," I texted to Jasper later that night. I was in bed already, Emmett snoring happily next to me. Rosalie was on his other side next to him. I didn't care if I was worrying him with the text; I just needed him back badly, to hold, to kiss, to talk to. Anything. He needed to be here.

Twenty minutes later I got a text back, saying: "Miss you. Love you. Coming home to you." I felt a smile creep across my face, and my heart leaped up in my chest. He was coming home. Everything was going to work out.

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**please read and review!**


	13. Chapter 12: I Guess We

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Jasper/Bella, Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content: LEMONS  
**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** so here we have it, a look into Jasper's past. i hope that everyone likes it! it's such a ball to hear all your thoughts on this story in your comments, and how you feel about some of the characters. never stop being so awesome!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 12: **so i guess we're back to us, oh, swing the focus

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**JPOV**

The first time I ever saw Bella, the next door neighbour was braiding her hair. She was twelve already, and remarkably mature for her age, but she couldn't say no to the little girl, Lauren, living in the house next to ours. She didn't notice me right away; she was too preoccupied telling Lauren not to pull her hair too tightly. We were introduced an hour later, my new foster mom showing me around the house, and all the rooms. Bella was sitting on the floor of her room, her legs stretched out before her. I immediately noticed the scar running from the middle of her calf, all the way up her knee, circling around the joint entirely.

"Hi," she smiled up at me from her book, and I immediately recognised the suspicion with which she looked at me. She hid it well, but I could see. "You must be Jasper. It's nice to meet you. I'm Bella." She was a frail little thing, not too tall, but extremely beautiful. Her dark-brown eyes matched her long wavy hair, and she seemed blissfully unaware of the effect she had on specimens of the male species. Unfortunately for me, she was oblivious to my interest for the latter part of four fucking years.

It wasn't like that at first. I wasn't looking for a relationship; the mere thought of someone touching me repulsed me, because it brought back horrible memories of weakness and helplessness. It brought back memories of my mother, of how she used to belittle me in front of others, and touch me in a way no mother should ever touch her own son.

There'd be moments between us, Bella and me, when we were discussing a book we'd read or a movie we just watched together, that she'd look at me with those big innocent eyes of hers, and I'd notice the exact same fears in her eyes. I knew the nightmares she had brought her images of her stepfather. We were in the same boat.

I grew very protective of Bella very quickly, how could I not when she looked so frail? There was this one guy in her class, Mike Newton, that liked to think he was pretty mature for his age, that had tried to kiss her once. She only told me about it afterwards, which was probably a good thing, because I would have absolutely beaten the crap out of him. The hurt in her eyes, the horror his attempt had caused, it was like nothing I had ever seen, never in any other eyes but the ones I saw reflected in the mirror.

When she hit full puberty, and her body started taking on more feminine shapes, I saw even more changes in her. It was like suddenly she realised her body gave her a control over guys, men, whatever, that hadn't been there before. She started playing with that, flirting with guys her age, some older, some younger, and quickly discovered that if she used her womanly wiles right, she was the one in control, instead of the other way around. I knew she loved that.

She never tried any of that on me; she knew my past as I knew hers, and so she respected my wishes. But sometimes she'd put a hand on my arm, or my leg, just to show that she was there for me, or a gesture of friendship, sometimes a kiss on my cheek before going to bed, and I'd realise that I didn't mind at all. Not when it was Bella. It was scary and exciting at the same time.

And then came that one night, prom night. I had never intended to go myself, but in a bout of jealousy over Bella going with James _the jock_ I'd had a few drinks, and decided to drive by the school in search of them. A good thing I did. I'd gotten out of the car, and the first thing I'd heard was Bella screaming. I snapped instantly, and ran over, pulling James from between Bella's legs, absolutely ready to rip the guy's head off. But I'd had one too many beers; the guy hit my jaw before I had registered he was moving.

"Jazz!" Bella had shouted, and ran over to me to make sure I hadn't completely lost it. I was seething with anger, boiling on the inside, and hurting on the outside. If this fucker thought he could get away with touching Bella, with hurting her, than he was very much mistaken. I turned around towards him again, but felt Bella's hand on my chest. "Jazz, no," she breathed, tears streaked across her face, her eyes pleading with me. I couldn't control myself, this asshole had just tried to rape Bella, _my_ Bella. He wasn't getting away with this.

But it seemed that Bella had picked up on my intentions easily. She threw herself between James and me, and hit the guy right on the nose. He started bleeding immediately, cursing, calling Bella all kinds of names I could have killed him for. We learned afterwards that she'd actually broken his nose. Her fingers were heavily bruised and gave her grief for about a week, but it was a pain she gladly carried.

"I can't believe you did that for me," she told me after, sitting in the car together, parked outside our home. I can't believe she still thought anyone _wouldn't _do that for her. I was still slightly intoxicated, but became acutely aware of Bella's proximity to me when she placed her hand on my cheek. I didn't mind at all. "That's going to bruise if we don't get ice on there." She was so close I could smell her. "Thank you," she said softly.

I grinned, and took hold of the hand she'd punched James with. I could tell it was sore when I touched her knuckles. If I wasn't sitting here with her right now, I saw myself still capable of tracking this dickhead down and give him what he deserved. "I'm just glad I got there in time." I looked up at her, and lifted my hand to her face.

"Jazz," she looked at me with big eyes, probably because it was the most forward gesture I'd ever made towards her. I'd long since realised that Bella was different. She had a strange control over me, yes, but I didn't feel helpless around her. I only felt understood, and cared for, and she was the only girl that had ever made me feel that way. "You don't have to..." she started, but before she managed to get any other word in, I'd pressed my lips to hers. She moaned against my lips in lust, not protest, and parted her lips for me almost instantly.

From that day on it had been Bella and me. Bella, and no one else. She was the only one for me, the only woman I needed in my life, and the only one that got to have me completely. The only one that touched me, as we'd made pretty clear to the rest of the gang. It wasn't a wish that we'd like to see respected, it was a rule. A rule that when broken, could have great consequences for our friendship.

A rule that Alice probably hadn't known about, granted, but I was very married and very in love with Bella, and had never made any advancements whatsoever towards Alice.

I was working late that night, after receiving a stressed call from Bella. Apparently Doctor Cullen was having a crisis at home with Esme and he'd asked Bella for help. Can't say I really blamed the guy; in extreme situations it was Bella that kept her head cool, calmed everyone down, and could be counted on to get everything done. Amazing girl, my Bella. She loved the Cullens deeply, and would probably go out of her way to help them out.

But she wouldn't be home, so I'd taken the opportunity to catch up on some work. The soft hum of sleeping computers was all I could hear while I reviewed my class notes, added files to the main desktop, and graded papers all at the same time. I needed a lot of things to keep me busy; I was easily distracted so I always made sure I had plenty of things to do. But then, there were her heels. How I wish to God she'd never found me.

"Hi," Alice's voice reached me from the open doorway. I should really have closed it, but it was cooler outside, and the computer rooms were absolute hell in the weather we'd been having. I needed some refreshment.

"Alice. Hi," I said, because I had no reason not to be polite. Alice was wearing one of her little dresses again; this one was green, strapless, and only just covered her ass. "What are you doing here so late?" I asked. She didn't work here anymore, she really had no reason to be here.

"Edward," she said, and took a few steps inside, looking around the room to see if I was alone. "He'll be in all night with Professor Molina, so I thought I'd bring him some coffee." Seemed reasonable enough. "Bella not around?" she asked suddenly, her dress swirling around her when she put her arms behind her back. "I was beginning to think you guys were attached to the hip."

"Doctor Cullen," I explained briefly.

"Ah," she nodded, pursing her lips. She was definitely up to something, but I didn't know what. "Need some company? I always get so lonely when Edward works late." Somehow I doubted that. I wasn't one to put much credit into gossip, but from what Tanya had told me about her first-hand experience with _Miss Brandon_, there was something to the rumours. It wouldn't be hard for her to find a willing partner for the night.

"Sure," I still answered, because I really didn't see any reason to send her off. "But I do have..." I pointed at my desk, covered in papers and computer printouts.

"Of course. Do what you have to do," she smiled. She closed the distance between her and my desk, and sat down on one of the free corners, making sure I noticed how she slowly folded her killer legs. Oh, so that was her intention. I hoped she knew she wouldn't be getting anywhere with it. I returned my focus to my work on the desk, but quickly realised that Alice was staring at me, relentlessly.

I looked up at her, grinned, and got up from my chair, walking over to the bookcase lining the wall. I swear I could feel her eyes boring into my back. So I took a breath and turned towards her. "What?" I asked her, having the suspicion she would only let me work in peace once I got the idea of seducing me firmly out of that pretty little head of hers.

"You guys really married?" her eyes narrowed, almost as if she was trying to read my mind. Her question threw me off; wasn't the wedding ring around my finger proof enough that we were married? Hadn't she interrogated us during that one dinner about how Bella and I met and when we got married? I thought my marriage with Bella was pretty obvious. "I mean, weren't you married already when you first got here?"

"Yes," I answered in short. She was definitely prying for something, but I wasn't going to give it to her. If I needed to spell it out for her that I wasn't going to give in to her, than I would.

"Married at eighteen. You don't mind that? Being bound to one person?"

"Nope," I let the word pop on my lips, and put my hands in my pockets. "Actually I quite like it." And I meant that; I loved being married to Bella. I was so proud when she'd agreed to me mine, my wife. But I could see how that could seem less than fun to Alice.

"Yeah, but you never..." Alice jumped up from the desk, and I found my back connecting with the bookcase behind me in a reflexive response to her movement. She walked over to me slowly, swaying her hips. I had to admit, this was a game she played well. "... sleep around?" she added. Some balls this chick had, asking me about Bella first, and then asking me if there were other women I slept with. Admittedly that wasn't such a strange thought, considering our other friends, but I wasn't interested in anyone else.

"Never," I answered resolutely, and I was pretty sure I sounded pretty fucking convinced of that. Still, I felt a growing unease when Alice moved even closer, mere inches away from me now. "I don't need anyone but Bella." Fuck yes, Alice was beautiful, I'd be the last person to deny that, but she had nothing on Bella. Nothing.

"Have you ever had anyone other than Bella?" she asked. No I hadn't, but that was my choice, my wish, my _need_, and Alice had no fucking right to do this to me now. I was a pretty strong guy, so I could probably make her back off, but then that little fucking hand of hers dug into my pants, squeezing my dick. I was reduced to mere words right there and then.

"Alice," I breathed heavily, turning my head away from her. I felt her breathe sweep across my neck, and her hand kept working on my limp dick, and all I could think about was getting the fuck out of there. I'd never felt so fucking vulnerable in my entire life. No, I had, at the hands of a woman long dead and buried, but with still such a power over me that it reduced me to a fucking sobbing five year old. It took me all the strength in the world, but I grabbed Alice by her forearms and kept her at arms' length. "Back _the fuck_ off, Alice."

Her eyes narrowed again; I knew mine only read despair. "Fine, have it your way," she said after long excruciating moments. "But you don't know what you're missing," her eyes grew darker, and she bit down on her bottom lip; she fucking well knew how seductive it looked.

"Stay away from me Alice, I'm serious." I felt sick to my stomach.

"Go ahead, run to your precious Bella," Alice said while I got my things together; I couldn't leave everything out in the open like this. And what was she talking about? I could never tell Bella; she'd go absolutely mental and do unnameable things to Alice, even though part of me would gladly let her. "Do you think she'll believe you when you tell her it was all me? Pretend you didn't just get a hard-on?"

Oh, how wrong she was. I couldn't stand her presence anymore. I ran into someone on my way out, but I didn't check to see who it was. I had to get out. Not just my office; I had to leave the fucking campus. And damn, I knew it wasn't fair to Bella but I just had to get out, I had to sort out some stuff, or else I was going to lose it every time that little bitch just as much as looked at me.

It broke my heart to walk out of that apartment half an hour later, because I could tell Bella'd had a pretty hard day as well, but I knew she understood. She knew me better than anyone. She knew the only way for me to deal was to leave. Fuck me if it didn't take me even more willpower to leave her laying there on that bed, tears in her eyes, ready to devour me just to make me stay. I couldn't, and she knew that, that's why she let me go eventually.

It took me the better part of two days to get to my destination: my mother's house. My old house. It looked run down compared to what it used to be, but I still recognised it. The house I'd lived in until I was nine, before I started bouncing from foster family to foster family. I didn't know why I felt the need to come back here whenever I felt fucked up. There was something about this place that still asserted some kind of control over me. I feared that control, but was drawn to it now.

Just like I was drawn to my mother's grave. "Hi mom," I said, and sat on my hunches in front of the black marble tomb stone. I briefly wondered if somewhere out there my father had a tomb stone just like hers, or if he was still alive. He couldn't be bothered with me when my mother found out she was pregnant, so I tried to think about him as little as possible as well. I didn't even know his name, had never seen pictures, so it wasn't that hard to do.

"Hey kiddo," she'd say if she were still alive. We had a pretty fucked up relationship. "What's with the wedding ring?" I stared down at the ring on my left hand, and gave it a few decisive terms, the way Bella often did as well. My mom died when I was sixteen. I thank God every day that she never met Bella.

I spend the next two days in a shady stinking motel room, rehashing my entire fucked up childhood for the sake of drowning it with booze. It sounded fucked up in itself, and pathetic, but hey, if it worked, who was anyone to argue? Bella had dealt with enough shit in her own life to have to see me go through this now. It wasn't fair, and it never would be, but at least this way I hurt her by my absence, not by my past, which believe me, was ten time worse. Bella always had this way of taking my pain personally, feeling it herself. I couldn't put her through that.

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**BPOV**

I actually held my breath the moment I heard a key inserted into the keyhole. It turned, the lock snapping, and the door opened. I only released a breath when I caught sight of him, and spoke his name. "Jazz," I said, dropped everything I was doing, and ran over to him as fast as I possibly could. I swung my arms and legs around him, Jasper holding me up in his arms effortlessly.

"Hey, baby girl," he chuckled lightly, but dug his nose into my hair and breathed me in deeply. I held on to him for dear life, because it's only in that moment that I realised how much I had truly missed him; his smell, his voice, his body, all of it.

"I was so worried. Are you okay?" I asked, my face pressed against his skin tightly, and dug my hands into his hair. God, how I'd missed him. The person whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder seemed to be right after all; I hadn't felt that way the past six days though. I'd cursed every single love song on the radio, mentally erasing every sight of a happy couple running around on campus. But now he was back, my Jazz.

"I'm fine. I promise." He sat us down on the bed, and I moved my head back. I could see it in his eyes; his exhaustion, his joy to see me again. There wasn't a trace of the pain Alice had caused him, but he'd always been very good at hiding it. "I'm so sorry I had to leave." He took my face in his hands, and looked me in the eyes strongly, as if he was trying to unravel my thoughts.

"You're back," I said, and mirrored his actions, placing my hands on his face. "That's all that matters." I rested my forehead against his, and closed my eyes.

"Looks like we've gotten more roommates while I was gone," Jasper said, undoubtedly noticing the extra bundles of clothes on the floor everywhere. I chuckled, and looked at him. "They take good care of you?" he asked. So typical of him, always worrying about me.

"They did fine." I nodded, and settled down in his lap. Tears filled up my eyes involuntarily; I got overwhelmed by the sheer presence of him, so real, so familiar, so very much mine. And mine alone.

"Tell me what to do," Jasper said, no doubt noticing the tears in my eyes.

I leaned in, and pressed a strong kiss to his mouth. "Destroy me," I whispered against his lips. Jasper grabbed me around the waist so fast that all I could do was squeal when he lifted me up, turned, and dropped me down on the bed. I threw my head back in the mattress to laugh out loud at the look he gave me; he looked as if he was going to eat me. And really, it was about fucking time he did.

"Yes, ma'am," he almost growled, and took off his shirt in one smooth movement. My big strong man, back to do me good and proper, to kiss me and to hold me, to love me and just be here. God, I'd missed him, the feel of his warm fingers on my skin, his lips sucking at my nipples hard, his tongue flicking over my clit when he went down on me.

He moaned against my pussy, sending vibrations pulsing all through me. He moved his hands to grab my hips strongly; so strong that it almost hurt, but I didn't care, I never minded his bruises, not when the real painful ones were in the past. I felt my orgasm curling inside of me, butterfly wings in my stomach, lightning strikes in my pussy, my toes curling in ecstasy. But then he eased back his ministrations. _Fuck_, as much as I was the queen of giving head, Jasper knew exactly how to push all my right buttons. He took me to the verge of orgasm and then pulled me back, up until the point I got so flustered I let out a frustrated scream.

"Jazzzzz," I let out loudly, throwing my head back in the pillow out of lust this time. How long could he keep this the fuck up?

He crawled on top of me and looked down at me, grinning. I would have slapped him if I didn't love him so much. He kissed me then, tongue pushing past my teeth, and I tasted myself in his mouth. We both moaned deep in our throats, Jasper's hard-on pressing against the inside of my thigh. Any moment now, I was going to spontaneously combust; I was dead convinced that was possible.

---

"What do you think of Alice?" I asked Jasper a few hours later; we were in the bathtub together. I was sitting up between his legs, so that Jasper could wash my back and play with my hair.

There was a short silence. "What do you mean what do I _think_ of Alice?" he asked, probably frowning to himself in the process. His fingers were working through some knots in my hair. "Bee, I'm not gonna..."

"I _know_ Jazz," I turned around in the tub, the water just low enough to not spill out when I moved. He misunderstood completely; I didn't want Alice to be with him, nor did I ever wanted her in his proximity again. Not if I could help it. But if I wanted to destroy her, I'd have to find some reason to get close to her. "I was talking about me," I shrugged, biting my bottom lip nervously.

Jasper eyes me suspiciously. Fuck, I should have known this would never work on him. I couldn't lie to him, not even when I thought it was for his own good. "Who told you?" he asked strongly.

"Angela," I answered, casting down my eyes. There was no point in keeping up the pretence that I didn't know. "She saw you."

"_Fuck_," Jasper mouthed, and threw his head back, the back of his head connecting with the tub with a soft thud. He closed his eyes for a moment, before looking back up at me. "I didn't want you to know."

"But I do know," I answered almost immediately. I knew he didn't want me to know for my own sake, and partly for Alice's sake, because he knew what I was capable off when someone hurt someone I loved. "I don't want to destroy Rose's wedding preparations, but I can't allow her to get closer to us, Jazz. I just can't." I shook my head, tears touching my eyes again.

"And I suppose you want her to learn her lesson." He made it a statement, not a question. Of course I wanted her to learn a fucking lesson. She wouldn't get away with this entirely, even if Jasper was opposed to what I had planned, the least I had to do was confront her with what she did. There was no way in hell that she was going to be friends with me, or any of my other friends for that matter.

"I won't if you tell me not to," I still said, because if it was really that important to him, I could put my pride aside and do with shouting at her, or just getting Rose and Tanya to turn their backs on her. That would hurt plenty too. "I just can't think of anyone hurting you. Least of all _Alice Brandon_." Fucking bitch. Even thinking her name made my blood boil. "I want her to know how she hurt us. I want to make her feel it." Jasper stared at me. "What do you think?" I asked.

He took a few moments to think, then said: "On one condition."

"Name it," I said, my heart rate speeding up in anticipation.

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**please read and review!**


	14. Chapter 13: Lying Is The Most Fun

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Tanya, Alice

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **  
**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** update time! i'm really glad everyone is enjoying this story so much. thanks to all of you that are reviewing/commenting.

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 13: **lying is the most fun a girl can have

* * *

**BPOV**

Rosalie was having one of her days. Granted, lately Rosalie was having a lot of these days, because her wedding was getting closer and things were starting to shape up. If I thought I'd seen her excited before, I'd seen nothing yet. It had been a week since Jasper returned, and things were finally getting back to normal, to what it was before, except none of my friends knew what had happened, and I hadn't spoken to Alice for almost two weeks now. Not since skipping out of the dress-fitting to go help Esme.

"Esme is going to help me decorate the garden," Rosalie told me and Tanya over lunch. Whatever pills Esme was taking, or whatever therapy she had agreed to, it seemed that she was slowly but surely getting her life back on track. It seemed fast, it had after all only been two weeks, but something told me that designing and decorating for Rosalie's wedding got her mind of things the way that few things had done in the previous months. I rejoiced in seeing Esme – and in turn Rose – this excited. "Tanya is picking out flowers with me this afternoon, and Bee honey, don't forget that Alice expects you at three for your bridesmaid dress."

"I will be there on time, and will turn off my cellphone if I have to. This dress is happening," I smiled at Rose, though the corners of my mouth probably betrayed my less-than-eager willingness to be poked and measured by Alice. Rosalie went back to her magazines, not commenting, and perhaps not even noticing my hesitation. I knew that from the way Tanya was staring at me, she'd noticed all too well.

"How would you guys think about getting Alice her tat?" Rosalie asked without looking up from her bridal magazine.

I almost choked on my coffee once Rosalie's question had fully sunk in. And here I thought I was just enjoying another normal lunch with my girls, without there being any need for anyone else, least of all Alice.

"Don't you think it's a little early for that?" Tanya answered for me while I continued coughing, her eyes going wide in question. Tanya had gotten her tattoo months after meeting us, in her stead I would be offended too. And besides, the tattoo wasn't mandatory or anything; we'd started out with wearing rings at first, until Emmett had gotten Rosalie's name tattooed on his shoulder one drunken night. We'd all gotten the little ring tattoo a week later.

"You don't think she's ready?" Rosalie looked up at us, frowning.

Tanya and I exchanged looks before looking back at Rosalie. "Look Rose, she's been helping us out tremendously," I started, not sure exactly where this conversation would go. I remembered the condition Jasper had set me a week ago, and I had every intention of abiding by it, but I wasn't going to blurt everything out during our lunch break. "...and she's absolutely fabulous, but..." I was at a loss for words.

"But what?" Rose's eyes went wide now too. I probably wasn't making a whole lot of sense. "You're the one who suggested we..." I didn't need anyone to tell me this had been my idea from the start; I'd been beating myself up about it enough already. Seriously, my bottom lip was starting to feel like mush from all the worrying.

"I know that," I said, but that was before little Miss Sunshine decided it was okay to take what she saw and claim it, that was before she thought she would get away with mind-fucking with Jazz and me, and going around behind all our backs. "And now I'm having second thoughts." That was putting it to her gently. I wasn't having seconds thoughts; Alice was going down, simple as that. "Look, I have to go," I said, looking for any excuse to get out of this conversation. "We can talk about this later."

I realised this was about as close to a fight Rose and I had ever gotten. I hated it, but I wasn't going to destroy this dream wedding for her. All I had to do was get through the afternoon, and then maybe I could tell her everything. She wasn't going to like the idea that I'd kept it from her, but I couldn't risk Alice backing out of this party now.

"Bee, wait up." I heard Tanya's heels tap the ground behind me. She grabbed my shoulder and whirled me around in the middle of the quad. "What's going on?" she asked, worry riddled across her features. I should have known she would notice. In any other circumstances Rosalie would have noticed too. I might have had Jazz back, but from the moment I had found out what Alice had done to him, a fist had coiled tightly around my heart, and hadn't let go since. "I thought there were no secrets between us," Tanya added.

I knew she was right, keeping this from my friends was one of the most horrible things I'd ever done, especially when I knew they would support me every step of the way. "I don't want to ruin this for Rose, Tan. I know how much Alice's help means to her." I looked up at Tanya, and took hold of her hand, lacing our fingers together. "I just don't think she's any good for us."

"So there is something?" Tanya stared at me hard, unrelenting. Jazz's condition came floating back in my mind. He'd made me promise I wouldn't go behind anyone's back. I had to tell Rose, Emmett and Tanya about what Alice had done, even though he'd hoped it would never come to that. But then I had found out what happened, and now he felt like everyone should know. He hadn't specified when to tell them though.

"If I tell you something, can you promise me you won't tell Rose?" I asked Tanya. I made myself promise there and then that next time I saw Emmett, he'd learn the truth as well.

* * *

**EPOV**

"_And the Raven never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting_

_On that pallid bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door_

_And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming_

_And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; _

_And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on floor_

_Shall be lifted – Nevermore!_"

It always surprised how quiet the classroom went when I recited poems out loud. I remembered that when I used to take classes like this, I'd get fidgety in my seat and it couldn't be over soon enough. I supposed I should feel grateful I had their attention for as long as it lasted. I'd noticed Bella sneaking into my class ten minutes in, and she'd remained quietly attentive the entire time I taught. I supposed she was either curious about my classes, or being polite after I had attended one of Doctor Cullen's classes.

"Well well, Miss Hale. How nice of you to join us today," I told her once I'd handed out class assignments and she walked over to me. She seemed a lot happier and better rested than last time I saw her, which was about a week ago now. I was glad to see her okay again. I also hadn't forgotten the promise I'd made myself. Bella was off-limits, even more now than ever.

"And miss you revering the great Poe?" she said, raising an eyebrow in the process. I noticed she had her own copy of Poe's collected works with her. "Not a chance," she added, biting down on her bottom lip as she cast down her eyes. Was it just me, or was she acting shy? Was it an act or was she for real? "I really enjoyed it," she said, brushing her hair back behind her ears. "You're a great teacher."

Definitely an act. But at this point I wasn't sure I minded. I'd gotten used to Bella playing games around me; I didn't plan on dissuading her in her attempts. It was all good fun after all.

"Thank you," I said, grabbing my things. We walked out of the classroom and into the hallway together. I needed to get to my office, because some students had requested a conference with me right after class. And I didn't have anything better to do; Alice would be working at the store all afternoon. "I heard Jasper's back," I said, hoping to steer this conversation in another direction. Bella was definitely flirting with me again, but very differently than before. "That's good news." And even though I wouldn't mind her continuing her innuendos, I felt like I had to make her realise I wouldn't give in.

"Yeah, since last Tuesday," she nodded, still biting down on her bottom lip. She threw her hair back and ran a hand through it, wafts of her perfume flying in my direction. I cleared my throat, keeping a steady pace, but Bella had no problem keeping up with me. "Hey, he's got... baseball tickets for this weekend," Bella said. I stared at her sideways and frowned. "And Rosalie is dragging Emmett to a family dinner, so if you're interested..." Was she asking me if I wanted to go watch a baseball match with the one man I'd been desperate to hate since I'd met her? "I don't know anything about baseball," she shrugged, crunching her nose. It was adorable.

"Shame shame Miss Hale," I said. Maybe I'd been wrong, maybe she wasn't flirting with me at all. Maybe Jasper's absence and the toll it took on her had shown us both that we belonged with our respective partners, and not with each other. "You do know it's the American pastime, right?"

"You play?" she looked up at me curiously. If ever there was a time where I thought I had Bella figured out, I was proven wrong right there and then. I didn't know what she was trying at all. I'd always known she was a nice girl, but right now it almost seemed like she was trying the high-school girl routine on me.

"My uhm... father taught me how to pitch," I said, coming to a halt in front of the office I shared with Professor Molina. "I was a pretty decent little leaguer," I chuckled, losing myself in thought. This felt like the first real conversation Bella and I had ever shared. I knew she lost her parents, just like she knew I'd lost mine. Was she hoping we'd bond over that?

"I bet you're a lot like him," Bella said softly, a cute little smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. I snapped out of my thoughts instantly; I frowned at Bella. "Your father," she added, and looked me deep into the eyes. I didn't know what to say. This girl was the biggest puzzle I'd ever met. I still had very clear memories of both my parents, but I'd never shared them with anyone.

"Is there a reason why you're following me to my office?" I asked, trying to get off this topic of my parents. Bella was messing with my head again. It was strange how easily I let her.

"Oh, no reason in particular," Bella shook her head gently, and shrugged again. I frowned at myself when she looked away from me. She fiddled with the spine of the book she was holding, and didn't look back up at me when she continued. "I just wanted to thank you, for the other day. You uhm... you have a way with people." It's only then that she looked up at me. The look in her eyes left me speechless; it was one of genuine and undying gratitude. "Thank you for putting up with me."

"Any time," I smiled jokingly.

* * *

**BPOV**

"Why don't Rose's parents want her to get married?" Alice asked me during our afternoon get-together, to which I arrived five minutes early thank you very much. Alice was putting her measuring tape around my torso, right underneath my breasts, and pulled it tight around my ribcage. I couldn't help but think about how these were the same hands she'd groped Jasper with. I almost crawled out of my skin.

"They think she's only getting married because she sees how well it's working for Jasper and me," I answered, trying to concentrate on my reflection in the three-fold mirror in front of me. I'd kept my tank top on, because I knew I had some bruises at the small of my back, and I didn't need Alice asking me about them. In fact, I would have given just about anything to not go through this now, but I had to make Alice believe that Jasper hadn't told me anything, and that we were just as close friends as before. I thought I was doing a pretty decent job.

"That's a little silly," Alice said, writing down my measurements in her little pink notebook before returning her attention to me. "Anyone can see that Rose and Em love each other." I had to give her that much, she was right about Rosalie and Emmett. I knew she'd been spending quite some time with them these past few weeks, and neither of my two friends were exactly shy or introverted. They loved each other, and for as long as I'd known them both, they had made no secret about that.

"Yeah, it's sad," I said, remembering vividly how Rosalie had stormed into the apartment, tears in her eyes, telling Jasper and me that her parents didn't want her to get married. Ever since that day, Rose's relationship with her parents had gone from bad to worse every time they spoke. Her father had even frozen her trust fund for another five years; she'd only get the money when she was twenty-six. "But try stopping Rose." Because from the moment Emmett and her had met in high school, nothing or no one had ever separated them. Or so I was told.

The room went eerily silent after that. I figured part of Alice must have felt guilty about what she did, or at the least she was ashamed of what she'd done. Some part of me didn't want to believe that at all; if it was up to me she wouldn't get the luxury to feel guilty. I'd already made my first move towards Edward. Even though I could easily tell I caught him off guard earlier today, I was confident that we could become closer friends.

"Do you... _dabble_?" I asked suddenly, because the silence was giving me too much time to think about my plans, and I preferred scheming away from Alice. She looked at me in the mirror. "I know you're bisexual," I shrugged with one shoulder as she went back to her work, putting her measuring tape around my hips.

"Sometimes, but only with girls," she answered, not once looking at me. I guessed that either she was very comfortable talking about this in general, or I'd given her the impression that she could confide in me. I liked that idea, it would only make it easier for me to break her. The sooner, the better.

"And Edward doesn't mind?" I asked. Edward had told me once that Alice had her – how did he put it – her _liaisons_, so he must know about some of them. From the way he had said it, I'd always gotten the impression that it bothered him. I wondered if they ever fought about it, or if it was one of those things left unspoken between couples.

"As long as he doesn't know, he doesn't mind," Alice answered. "But I'm never obvious about it; he doesn't like that." Aha, it seemed that I was getting down to some kind of truth, and one I could definitely use. So Edward didn't know about her extra-curricular activities, or most of them it seemed. I'd have to talk to Tanya about that sometime soon. "What about Jasper?" Alice suddenly asked, my eyes snapping at her reflection in the mirror.

"What about him?" I frowned.

"Come on, the sex you two have must be mind-blowing," Alice chuckled, not noticing that while she returned to her work, my eyes were transfixed on her reflection. "I mean, he's strong right?"

I almost lost it right there and then, my heart skipping a beat inside my chest. Who exactly did this bitch think she was? She had to know that Jasper and I were extremely close, we were fucking _married_ after all. Where in her right mind did she find the nerve to ask me about our sex-life? I tried to focus on my breathing instead of answering.

"Bella?" Alice called out. "I'm sorry if I said..."

It's only then that I realised it: she really had no idea that I knew. I knew that I was trying everything to hide that I did, but she didn't even _suspect_. This was unbelievable.

"No, it's okay," I shook my head, hoping I came across as confused; maybe she'd buy that too. "It's uhm... it's pretty amazing yeah," I nodded, running a hand through my long hair. "Even after six years." Personally I thought our sex life in the past week was at an all-time high. Maybe absence really did make the heart grow fonder, I knew it had made me hotter for Jasper than ever before.

"You guys experiment?" she asked, grabbing a piece of fabric that she draped around my chest. I had no idea what she was doing, but going by the determination in her eyes, Alice had done this quite a few times before. I was going to look amazing; it was almost too much to think about.

"You mean like, with toys and stuff? Sure." I figured there was no need to hold anything back at this point. As far as Alice was concerned, we were bonding, and as long as she believed that, it seemed I would get the most useful information.

"And other people?" Alice said, completely focused on the garment that was beginning to shape up around me. She put pins in to hold it in place, most careful not to prick me in the process.

My mouth almost immediately wanted to yell _NO! and don't you think you can weasel your way into my bed bitch_, but I thought the better of it. "Sometimes," I nodded, trying to keep as still as possible. "Jasper likes to watch me come." Alice looked up at me briefly, throwing me a coy smile. "He never touches anyone but me though," I added, hoping to dissuade her from any future ventures in trying to seduce my husband.

"Why's that?" Alice frowned, and straightened herself out, moving to stand behind me.

"His past mostly," I shrugged.

"It was dark? Like yours?" She looked at me in the mirror.

I only nodded at her reflection in response.

* * *

**please read and review!**


	15. Chapter 14: Put My Enemies To Sleep

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Bella, Edward, Tanya/Alice, Jasper, Rosalie

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **  
**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** all shorter scenes from different POVs. i hope you all like the new chapter, let me know ;) super-special thanks to everyone commenting/reviewing!

* * *

**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 14: **if love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep

* * *

**TPOV**

"I don't see why we can't just tell Rose," I told Bella that afternoon. We'd just been having lunch and going over some plans for Rose's bachelorette party and her wedding, chatting away, and waiting for Edward to arrive. Him and Bella were going to work on that joined paper some more. Right now, he was still out with Jasper, to some baseball match neither Bella nor me had any interest in. I had to admit, it was rather cunning of her to get Edward to bond with Jasper.

"I told you," Bella repeated. I already knew what she would say. "I don't want anything to overshadow Rose's big day. It's not that hard to understand." No, it wasn't. The one thing that was completely incomprehensible however, was the fact that Bella had kept this from us for this long already. We'd made each other the promise that there'd be no secrets between any of us a long time ago, and now that it concerned Jasper, Bella definitely should have told us. "Tomorrow's her bachelorette party, and then another day for the wedding. Then I'll tell her," Bella added.

"She's not going to like you very much, you know," I said. I got up from the sofa, and grabbed our empty plates from the small table; I'd whipped something together fast for lunch.

"I know," I heard Bella say when I made my way into the kitchen. I dumped everything in the sink; Bella hated it when someone else but her or Jazz did the dishes for them. I didn't know exactly why, but I think it had a lot to do with the time they spend in foster care, and taking care of themselves afterwards. They were two people that knew how to take care of themselves, and each other. It was one of the many things I loved about them.

"So, for the party," I said, making my way back towards Bella, and sitting down next to her on the sofa. "Male strippers, right?" I asked, not one bit opposed to the idea of female strippers either, but I knew Bella and Rose preferred strippers of the male variety. It made no never mind to me.

"Of course." Bella looked at me seductively, her bangs falling over her eyes. In any other situation, I would have leaned in, brushed her hair softly from her face, and reached my lips towards hers. But my mind was now preoccupied with Rosalie's ignorance, with having to lie to her, even though that would probably be a much bigger problem for Emmett. Bella told me she'd informed him as well, just like she'd promised Jasper. I guessed I couldn't be too upset with her. Not when her revenge would taste so sweet to all of us.

"See, this is exactly why you have to tell Rose," I said still. "She's going to invite Alice, you do know that right?" I did hope that if Bella was going to keep this up, that she at least thought this through thoroughly. Though, knowing Bella, she probably had.

"I do," Bella answered in short, and didn't for one single instant take her eyes off me. She leaned in closer to me, one of her little hands tangling in my hair to pull me closer. Her lips met mine gently, exploring the known territory teasingly, Bella's tongue licking my lips softly.

"I hate it when you do that," I whispered against her lips. I was done for; this was one woman I had very little control over myself. It was usually the other way around, but with Bee it had always been more special. I needed her, and she needed me.

"Why?" Bella asked, even though she very well knew the answer to her own question, and sucked in her bottom lip, smiling at me deviously. I felt like the answer was better left unspoken. She knew what she was doing to me; when she kissed me like that she knew she could get me to do anything. And I guessed that was exactly what she was aiming for right now. "Tan," Bella said, "There's something I would like you to do."

* * *

**JPOV**

"I really appreciate what you did for my girl," I told Edward as we were making our way back home. He'd driven us to the stadium in his silver Volvo, which was a very sweet ride. Now I had to get to class, and he was meeting up with Bella to work on their paper. "Bella needed someone while I was gone." I knew that Edward had only comforted Bee a short period of the time I'd spend away, but Bella had appreciated it, and she'd asked me to play nice. I had no intention of mistreating him either; just because he was dating Alice, didn't make him the bad guy.

"No problem," he said, setting a steady pace for us to walk. "So, everything's okay between the two of you?" I briefly wondered if he asked to be polite, or because he wanted to know the score between Bella and me. Anyone could see that Edward liked Bella; in what way I hadn't figured out yet, though I could imagine. Bella had told me how close they'd gotten to some hanky-panky.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Me leaving had nothing to do with Bee. Just needed to clear my head." He just nodded in response while we continued walking. I'd stowed my bag in his car in case we got back later, so I could head straight to class. I stopped him at the junction where we needed to part. "Look man, tomorrow's Emmett's bachelor party. We were just planning on going out and get drunk, but we can do that any day. What do you say the two of us buy the Emster a real party?"

"What did you have in mind?" Edward asked, and put his hands in his pockets.

"Basically, the three of us getting drunk and watching women take their clothes off." It wasn't much different from the original plan, only we'd get the time to get to know Edward better. Bella was planning to do something for Rose, it was only fair that Emmett got a decent party too. Besides, Bella thought it was a good idea to include Edward in our plans. Something told me there was some scheme behind it that would unravel tomorrow night.

"I have a hard time saying no to that," Edward grinned. "I kinda figured Emmett for the stripper kind in the first place," he added, making one excellent point. It seemed he had little problems reading people.

"He thinks he's showing solidarity because I never had a real bachelor party," I said, remembering the night only just. Bella and I had decided to spend it apart, even though it was against both our better judgements. Our foster relatives however, had insisted on it. It was tradition, and we'd uphold it. Ever since that day, we'd pretty much done away with every other tradition imaginable.

"Why not?" Edward frowned.

"I didn't really need one," I shrugged. "Plus, I didn't exactly have friends piled around the corner to throw me one." In truth, I simply hadn't wanted one. Strippers had the tendency to touch the groom.

* * *

**EPOV **

"So did you guys bond?" Bella asked me, looming over me while I searched for an article in the university's database. Normally I was pretty good at finding these kinds of things, but for one thing, Bella was too close for me to really focus on the computer, and secondly, this article was hopping all over the fucking place. It was the only explanation for its sudden disappearance.

"Over warm cokes and hotdogs," I answered, typing in new commands. I couldn't believe I actually found myself wishing Jasper were here to help us with the computer stuff. He was after all the expert. "Jasper invited me to Emmett's bachelor party." To my own surprise, hanging out with the husband of the girl I was hot for hadn't been the worst tragedy in my life. Jasper was actually a pretty okay guy.

Even though the baseball match hadn't been my idea – it felt more like Bella's insistence to get me to bond with a guy I was desperate to hate – I'd enjoyed myself immensely. It had once again reaffirmed my beliefs that Jasper was a decent guy for Bella to be with, and I had absolutely no right to come between that.

When I looked at Bella she didn't give me a nod, or a smile, or an encouragement of the likes she'd been pushing me towards. It seemed like she already knew. Maybe her and Jasper had talked about it. I couldn't help but wonder why she was so hell-bent on getting me to like Jasper. It felt a little too much like rubbing my nose in the fact that they were happily married.

"So typically male," Bella said, and suddenly she was sitting right next to the laptop – her laptop – leaning against her desk only a few inches away from where my hands rested on the computer keyboard. Fuck this, last time she was this close I was ready to devour her if it hadn't been for Alice's interruption. That same interruption would be most welcome right now. "You decide last minute what you're going to do, while Tan and I have been planning Rose's party for weeks."

I only just managed a grin; my eyes were completely transfixed on Bella's body right there next to me, her hips jutting out from under the fabric of the tight-fitted jeans, one sliver of skin visible between her pants and her tank top. "I..." I cleared my throat to force myself out of my reverie, "... I can't find it anywhere." I returned my eyes to the computer screen. "And I know I saw it somewhere."

"I think..." Bella put a finger to her lips and looked around the room, at the stacks of books and bookcases that she shared with Jasper. She'd told me that she had the article somewhere in the tangle of books, but I'd suggested that finding it in the database would be faster. That hadn't gone entirely according to plan. "... it might be..." she walked over to the bookcase, standing on tiptoe to reach the top shelf.

I stared after her; no one was going to call me a sinner for just looking, and what a sight she was. Alice was beautiful, but Bella, well, she was a different kind of beautiful. She looked clumsy and uncoordinated, but the way she acted around people was gracious and honest. Even though sometimes I could see through her act, through the mask everyone put on around different people, she wore it well, and with a grace that made it completely hers.

My eyes wandered to the tight little ass that I couldn't help but imagining in my hands. Fuck this shit, maybe looking wasn't a good idea after all; this girl did things to me too easily. Without even trying. But just as I averted my eyes, Bella reached up an arm, her tank top drawing up around her torso, revealing... what? Did I just...? Bruises?

"Bella," her name fell off my lips beyond my own control. I felt myself getting up from the desk chair, but it felt like my body was being drawn to her, my eyes not leaving that little patch of skin right at the small of her back, bruised. I hadn't even realised I had moved until I was standing directly behind her.

Bella turned around slowly, slightly startling when she noticed me standing so close. "What?" she asked, her big brown eyes staring up at me in question. I grabbed her arm, too firmly, and forced her to make a half-turn. I traced my hand along her side, and pulled up her tank top until I could see the full extent of her injury.

"What _the fuck_ is this?" I asked strongly, not realising I had her arm in one hand, and my other was resting on her skin. I was beyond noticing Bella's curious calm, beyond telling myself that I should keep my distance, beyond noticing how incredibly attracted I was to her. All I could think about was that someone hurt her. "Who did this to you?"

"It's... nothing." Bella shook her head. She looked up at me then, and no power on this earth could have given me the ability to read her expression. Because I wanted to see pain, I wanted her to ask me to save her, to give me an excuse to take her away from the monster that did this to her and disappear into the sunset. But she said nothing of the sort. "They're just bruises."

No. NO! That's not what I needed to hear. I looked down at the bruises again, and frowned. "Are these...?" I blinked, and looked again, closer this time. "Jesus, Bella, they're fingers," I said once I recognised the shape of the bruises. "Did Jasper do this to you?" I found her eyes again. This time, I could tell she was struggling to find the right words.

"It's _nothing_, Edward." She pulled her arm free from my hold, but didn't put more distance between us. I could smell her, I could feel the warmth of her on me. My breathing grew more laboured, because whatever asshole that had dared to touch her, had to pay. I'd never felt so angry in my entire life. And if it was Jasper, him of all people, the husband that made her so happy, that I'd come to know as a decent guy who didn't deserve my contempt... _fuck_. "Drop it," Bella added.

I lost it right there. "Fuck that shit!" I exploded, regretting it immediately by the way Bella almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of my voice. I lowered my voice instantly, bending my body towards her to meet her at eye level. I took her shoulders in my hands. "Bella, if he's hurting you... you don't have to put up with that," I said softly.

"Edward," she spoke my name even softer. She raised her hands and put them on my face gently. What was she doing? "He's not hurting me," she almost whispered, her voice strong despite the frailty I imagined it should have. Jasper wasn't hurting her? Then what the fuck was up with her bruises? Was she telling me her truth or just something to get me to back off? Nobody goes through this for fun, simply _no one_. And the thought of him touching Bella like that even if she enjoyed it, even if he got a little rough sometimes, that just didn't do.

Her hands were still on my face. I was at a loss about what to do. "I can..." I started, but I didn't know what I could do. A fistfight with Jasper? Whisk her away from a life she seemed to have accepted? What was happening here?

"You should go," Bella said then, and I snapped out of a train of thought I shouldn't be having in the first place. She wanted me to go? How could I leave her now, knowing that in a few hours Jasper would get home and he might hurt her? What had I gotten myself into? Fallen for a girl in an abusive relationship, while my own girlfriend was obviously into her as well? Was this what my life had come to, this complicated tangled mess of relationships?

"I would never hurt you," the words tumbled from my lips, holding greater truth than any other words that had ever gone before. My hands were still on her shoulders, her hands warm on my face. I drowned in her eyes, and she in mine it seemed. I did the only thing that was still physically possible; I leaned in closer.

Next thing I knew, her fingers were on my lips. "Edward," she said softly, "I can't." She shook her head softly. "I mean... we just can't." She looked up at me carefully.

I wanted to shake her, I wanted to yell at her: _look at what you're doing, Bella! look at where you're at! this is the one right choice you have! get out while you can!_ but none of those words managed to come out of my mouth. I took a step away from her instead, releasing her again into a world that could hold nothing but pain. Was it because of her past? Had that past damaged her so to make her believe Jasper was the only kind of man she deserved?

I turned around without another word. I grabbed my jacket, and my bag, and walked right out of that apartment, not once slowing down. I didn't care much about where I was going, all I could think of were those streaks of yellow-blue skin on Bella's back, put there by the man that I now finally managed to hate. Completely.

My feet were carrying me off campus, towards the store Alice worked. I had to do something to get my mind off things. I needed to talk to someone, about what I'd seen, about what I felt. And fuck me, the only person I could think off that could offer me some form of relief was Alice. I needed her to tell me I had to save Bella, because I didn't know what to do anymore. I was lost.

I walked into the store, went straight through to the back and ascended the small winding staircase to the small attic where I knew Alice did her own work. I was stopped before I reached the final step by a sight that made me realise this day might just have been designed to break me down completely.

* * *

**APOV**

Tanya slipped back into her panties, pulling them up while wriggling her ass at me teasingly. I felt my lips part again when she walked over to me, like some kind of Greek goddess in her off-white summer dress, blonde hair not even clammy after the rather sweaty extracurricular activity we just got through. Her lips met mine again, and my body went pliant against hers, melting in a deep kiss, smouldering bright and hot. I got lost all over again.

A creak in the floorboards of the small attic made us both startle. My head jerked towards the sound, and when I saw that it was Edward looking straight at us, my eyes went wide in fear. "Oh my God, Edward," I exasperated, my voice barely carrying far enough across the room. But Edward walked away from me. For a single second I thought it was weird, because he'd seen it before, and hadn't expressed any particular distaste for it then. But this time was different; there had been hurt in his eyes. "Edward!" I shouted after him, and I ran after him fast.

I made it downstairs without much trouble, because I still wasn't wearing any shoes. The backdoor to the small garden there was left open, and I walked out. I found Edward there, standing, staring out in front of him, hands in his pockets. "Edward," I tried again, afraid to speak any other words. But I had to. "Let me explain," I added, and carefully placed a hand on his shoulders.

"Explain what exactly?" he asked, his voice holding a calm that scared me; it sounded detached. I didn't like this, it was almost as if in the few hours I hadn't seen him, he'd grown further away from me. "I know you go around my back, Alice, even without having to see it. But Tanya Denali?" He finally turned around and faced me. In his eyes was the same detachedness his voice carried. "That's hitting it a little close to home, don't you think?"

I didn't know what to say. I'd never had to explain this to anyone, least of all Edward. I had always thought there was this understanding between us. "I didn't think you'd mind," I said, and cast down my eyes. I didn't feel embarrassed about what I'd done with Tanya, or anyone else for that matter, and I wanted to feel insulted by Edward's sudden disapproval. But then he had caught me red-handed with my hand in a very delicious cookie jar.

I heard him sigh, and he moved closer to me. I looked up, afraid that this would be the end of us and that this sudden distance between us existed for good reason. But when I looked back up into his eyes they had mellowed again, no trace of some impending disaster about to befall me. "Well, newsflash babe, I do mind," he spoke softly, the same tone that I'd grown to associate with puppy dog eyes in other guys. Edward had this way of just sounding disappointed in someone. "I know I..." he said, hesitating. I didn't know what he was trying to say. "I don't claim to own you completely okay? And I'm not sure I want to. I don't mind giving you your freedom, but..."

I saw it then; it wasn't detachedness at all, it wasn't some way of pushing me away from him. It was defeat. "You've had a bad day," I concluded, suddenly feeling sorry for him. "Oh baby, come here." I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his neck. "What happened?" I asked softly.

"I think Jasper is hurting Bella. She had bruises."

My heart skipped a beat inside my chest. Of course. Of course this couldn't be about anyone else but precious Bella Hale. Jasper wasn't hurting Bella. He was strong, I'd felt that much, but he wasn't capable of hurting anyone. Yet somehow Bella had managed to convince Edward that he was. How? _Why_? What was she hoping to accomplish? But part of me knew the answer to that. Part of me had always known about Bella's attraction to Edward. Did this mean she knew what I did to Jasper? Was this her way of getting back at me? It was fair, I guessed, but I wasn't going to let her take Edward from me.

"Babe," I said, and made sure I looked him in the eye convincingly. "Just because Bella has bruises, doesn't mean she minds."

"What are you...?" Edward frowned, his hands around my waist one minute and gone the next. He backed away from me fast. "No, that's fucked up!" he shouted, but I didn't say anything else. It was probably true, and Edward needed to know that. "That's not Bella," Edward shook his head.

_Not Bella_? What was happening here? Was I losing Edward to Bella?

* * *

**BPOV**

I'd listened to his footsteps dying out in the hallway before allowing myself to breathe again. When I did draw in a breath of air, I needed another few minutes to realise what had just happened.

"FUCK!" I shouted loudly, and kicked the side of the bed hard, hoping it would elevate some of my stress and anger. It didn't. I sank down on the bed, hands in my hair, and shook my head strongly. How could I have been so stupid? Edward wasn't supposed to see the bruises. Why did I feel so fucking comfortable around him? Why couldn't I have kept it together?

Better yet, why _the fuck_ hadn't I allowed him to kiss me? What was _wrong_ with me? Wasn't this the eventual endgame? Edward falling for me so that his interest in Alice would wane and she'd be left all alone with no boyfriend, and no friends? Well, nice going Bee, aren't you one big walking and talking fucking cliché.

I sighed, grabbing my cellphone, and texted Tanya: _forget our diabolical plan for tomorrow. Ed's out of the pic. need to think._

Fucking hell, I was a weakling. One look into those puppy dog eyes and Edward had me fooled into thinking he was the knight in shining armour coming to save me. Only I wasn't a damsel in distress, and I didn't need saving. If anything, Jasper had been my knight in my most desperate time of need all those years ago. I was going to have to make that very clear to Edward.

My cellphone vibrated with a message from Tanya: _don't worry chérie. Ed got the full view. don't judge, needed a little r&r_.

I couldn't help but grin once I read Tanya's message. So today hadn't been a total loss after all. Sure, Edward now thought that Jasper and I had a less than healthy relationship, but I figured I could work with that as well. It was him possibly telling Alice that I wasn't too sure about. What if she got more ideas about Jasper? I could do without those.

"Bella Marie Hale!" someone's voice bellowed through the hallway, and I straightened myself out immediately. Was that...?

* * *

**RPOV**

"What are you doing here?" was the first thing Bella asked me, once she'd realised who had just stormed into her apartment. She was holding her cellphone, and almost dropped it when she saw me. "You and Emmett are..." We were supposed to be out of town with Emmett's family, but what Emmett had told me an hour ago now, had made me turn around instantly.

"Do you really think that future-to-be of mine can keep any secrets from me?" I asked strongly, and I saw the guilt in Bella's face immediately. "Bee, what were you thinking not telling me?" my voice had reached a higher pitch by now.

"I was going to wait until after the wedding," Bella said faster than she'd ever spoken. "I didn't want anything to be ruined."

"By some skank who thinks she can be our best friend and put her claws into Jazz? Do you honestly think I care about my wedding now?" my eyes went wide, but Bella looked at me funny. I sighed, rolling my eyes: "Okay, I do, but no one matters more to me than all you guys, Bee. You should know that. And I've been going around, treating her like one of my BFFs, while all this time she's just been trying to..."

"That's just the thing, Rose," Bella interrupted me, walking over to me, and took hold of my hands. "I don't want you to treat her any differently."

"Why?" I asked incredulously. "The bitch deserves to be put down for this. Everyone who's met you guys knows that Jasper only has eyes for you. This is how she returns her trust?" I let go of her hands, and started pacing the room. I stopped again right in front of Bella. "How could you not tell me, Bee? No secrets, remember?"

"I know, Rose, and I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you. I didn't want to do this to us, but I didn't want to risk Alice pulling away from us either. Especially since she's been helping you out."

"Is this Bella Hale I'm talking to?" my eyes went wide again. The same Bella Hale that cursed Jasper's mother through the seven circles of hell every time she resurfaces in his life? The same Bella that isn't afraid to punch someone in the face? Why wasn't she shouting? Why hadn't she stormed into my apartment when she found this out? Why wasn't she talking about cutting all of Alice's hair off, or pull some other painful prank? "Why aren't you angry? If anyone did that to Emmett I'd..." I'd rip her throat out, that's what.

"Rose, I've never been this furious in my entire life," Bella said strongly, and took my face in her hands. She was obviously serious about being angry, but then why wasn't she acting on it? Why wasn't Alice already in tears on the ground by Bella's feet? "But I need to..."

It hit me only then. "Wait, are you planning something?" I looked at her, my eyes narrowing to slits. It explained why she was laying low for the moment, why it seemed she was taking this like an adult. Really, in certain situations adulthood was majorly overrated.

Bella smiled at me slyly. "Already in play," she raised an eyebrow.

I straightened my shoulders immediately. Damn straight, Alice needed to be taught a lesson. "Bee, feel free to misuse me in any way that you can."

* * *

**please read and review!**


	16. Chapter 15: Shotgun! Wedding!

**summary:** _Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper._

**characters (this chapter):** Jasper/Bella, Alice/Edward, Tanya/Bella, Rosalie/Emmett, Carlisle/Esme, Michael (OC) (and surprise pairing!)

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content: LEMONS**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** sorry for the long wait everyone! i've been drowning in school work. that's why i took long and hard in constructing this new chapter (and look how long it turned out!) i hope you all enjoy it! thanks so much for everyone encouraging me, and leaving me such kind words. check my profile for Bella's bridesmaid dress.

* * *

**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 15: **shotgun! wedding!

* * *

**BPOV**

I knew my luck would run out sooner or later. I got out of the shower and felt it, the white flare of pain right underneath my skin, the joint in my knee hot and pounding. This was bad. I'd been running about to make last minute preparations for Rose's bachelorette party and her wedding, not once considering resting my knee. Fuck, I should have been smarter than this, I should have told Jasper the minute I felt a little pain. Alone I was too much of a scatterbrain to think about my condition; Jasper and the rest of my friends had this way of reminding me to sit down and put up my knee in time.

The bachelor parties were today, and Tanya and I had planned an entire day of sitting around on our lazy bums being taken care of by other people. That won't pose many problems for my knee. The only thing I had to get through was walking down the aisle in my bridesmaid dress, and standing throughout the ceremony. If I took a painkiller right before the wedding, I should be alright until everything calmed down again. Okay, I could do this.

I towelled myself dry and put on my bathrobe, in the process of towelling my hair dry as I walked into the bedroom. Jasper was still on the bed where I'd left him. "Jazz, for the last time, no," I said, and sat down next to him, twisting my hair around in a loose bun at the nape of my neck.

"Oh come on," Jasper said, and leaned in, brushing the tip of his nose along my exposed skin; I closed my eyes to the sensation. "Why not?" he whispered against my neck.

I smiled to myself and bit down on my bottom lip, Jasper's lips now trailing kisses down my neck. "Because Tanya and I have been planning this party since before Alice sped the whole wedding thing up." Jasper was making it hard for me to focus. "I'm not going to throw around the plans last minute."

"Not even when you're so happy that Alice cancelled?" he asked, and I giggled. Oh yes, I felt the grin creep across my face automatically. Jazz had a point, Alice cancelling on us had put me in a mood of the likes I hadn't known in a very long time. Of course my own carelessness around Edward had made him cancel his plans with Jasper and Emmett, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. If Edward started regarding Jasper as a close friend, the gentleman inside him might yet decide against falling for me. And I couldn't have that, not after I'd vowed to take Alice down.

"Well, I have to admit," I said, and felt Jasper's hand creeping underneath the thick fabric of my bathrobe, caressing cool fingers up between my legs, ghosting his fingers over my skin. Jasper could be extremely gentle if he tried. "I am in a _really_ good mood about that." I moaned when his fingertips connected with my labia, and I spread my legs for him.

"So?" he mumbled against my skin.

"Tanya and I have _really_ great plans," I stressed, breathing deepening. My head started swimming as I lay back on the bed. Jasper undid the knot of the bathrobe around my waist and unfolded the garment from around me. His lips moved down while his fingers slipped between my folds, caressing, my clit pounding hard, his fingers slick in my wetness. I threw my head back in the mattress, Jasper shifting his weight on top of my naked body.

"Yes, I know," he mumbled against my skin. "Manicures, facials, pedicures." I felt my eyes rolling back into my head when he slipped two fingers inside me. I didn't know if he was doing this simply to have me, for which he never had to make any excuses, or to have the night go exactly his way. Either way, I found little in me that protested. "And then male strippers. I only want you to change the ending."

"And what exactly..." I breathed, having a hard time to string together any meaningful words, "... did you have in mind?"

But what he had in mind, I only found out half an hour later, when he was done devouring me.

* * *

Tanya, Rosalie and me spend the rest of the day at the beautician, the same one that Esme had gotten to do our hair and make-up in the morning. We got a joined massage so that we could chat; Rosalie made me tell the story about how and Jasper had gotten to our wedding day. It was really quite simple; Jasper asked me to marry him, I said yes, and a week later I was walking down the aisle to be joined with him forever. I always romanticized some bits for Rosalie, I knew how much she loved a happy ending. Whenever she said that I truly believed it: Jasper was my happy ending after a lifetime of pain. But I wasn't sure if either Jazz or me really believed in happy endings.

After a light lunch, we got pedicures, manicures and facials. Yes, Tanya and I had planned this to a tee. We'd both realised that Rosalie was expecting male strippers in the evening, and I was starting to wonder if I should have allowed Jasper to convince me to change our plans. But when I'd told Tanya on the phone, she'd almost preached Jasper's brilliance in the matter. Who was I to argue with Tanya _and_ Jasper?

"Rose, we'll need you to put this on," Tanya said when nine o'clock came to pass, and held up a black lace blindfold. Going from the look on Rose's face when she saw the little trinket, she had high expectations about this night.

Jasper was already waiting for us with Emmett at the club, Emmett blindfolded as well.

"Babe?" he asked when he heard Rosalie's voice, and the rest of them joining them.

"Emmett?" Rosalie asked. "Guys, what's going on here?"

"And spoil the surprise?" I said, and started pushing Rosalie inside with Tanya's help, followed closely by Jasper and Emmett. The more I thought about it, the more I believed that Rosalie was going to kill us. At the same time I knew she was going to love it. This would be one night none of us would soon forget. "You should know us better than that."

I'd never had a bachelorette party, my foster parents had insisted that we asked for money donations for when we moved out of the house, so that's what we did. The money had come in handy when Stanford happened for both of us. Sure, we both had scholarships, but we shared a flat that needed furniture.

We entered the club while 50 Cent's _Ayo Technology_ was playing, a dancer on stage wrapping herself around the pole like a snake. Tanya took over Emmett's arm when Jasper went to talk to the manager. We got pointed towards a large booth all the way at the back of the club where we'd get a whole lot more privacy than I'd expected. "Now Rose, you sit here." I directed Rose to the right of the love seat, while Tanya did the same for Emmett to the left. Then we both handed them an envelope with single dollar bills that Jasper got exchanged earlier today. Then Tanya, Jasper and I settled down on a large sofa on the other side of the booth, but still close enough to the action about to go down.

"You can take off your blindfolds now," Tanya said, and tried to contain her excitement.

Rose and Emmett removed their blindfolds simultaneously, and by that time the male and female strippers we'd ordered were already centre stage. I had heard of joined lap dances before, but I never could have guessed they were so fucking hot to watch.

"Fucking A, Jazz," Emmett laughed loudly, and looked at his Rose.

Rose seemed to have lost most ability to speak. She just smiled at Emmett, and took his hand in hers, and then stared at the strippers transfixed. Cherie and Paolo – the strippers – fondled each other on the centre platform for a while, before turning their attention to Rose and Emmett.

I felt Tanya take my arm and put it around her shoulders, settling against me with her long lean body. I smiled at her and leaned in, brushing my nose across her neck and then trailing my tongue up behind her ear. Her lips found mine seconds after, and she kissed me deeply, sucking my tongue. I was already in Jasper's arms, so I just moved my hand, and slid it in the front of his trousers. I felt his lips at my neck seconds later, and it took me a while to find a rhythm between kissing Tanya and rubbing Jasper. But we had all night to find that.

* * *

**APOV**

I'd told myself it wouldn't matter; it wouldn't matter that Edward was falling for Bella and that Bella was using every trick in her book of seduction to string him along. Not today. Not on Rose's wedding day. This was something between me and Bella and something had me absolutely convinced she wouldn't pick a fight on what should be the most joyous day in Rose's life. Of course I did care; Edward was _my_ boyfriend and even though yes, I'd tried to go for Jasper, was Bella really the eye-for an-eye kind of person? I hoped not. I hoped she didn't know anything about what happened between me and Jasper: it was clear that in the life of precious Bella Hale, trust once lost was never earned back.

"Here we are," Edward said, making a left turn onto the Cullen's extensive driveway. The whole driveway up to Cullen mansion was decorated by white sashes and the trees had lamps hanging from them. I recognised Esme's craftsmanship when I saw it; it was exquisite. It was hard to believe that the Cullens were doing all this for one of Carlisle's students. I could tell by the look on Edward's face that he was thinking the exact same thing. The difference being that Edward had never been to any of the Cullen's parties.

At the front entrance, Esme was already waving us over when we got out of the car. "Alice, Rose needs you. She's set up in Carlisle's office," Esme told me as soon as we reached her. "She wants to see all the bridesmaids before the ceremony. Edward, you're with me," Esme added. Just like I'd expected; this whole wedding was going down like clockwork.

Edward put a hand at the small of my back and bent down to kiss me on the cheek; then he followed Esme to the side of the house. I was happy to see Esme is such a good mood; after everything that happened with her and losing the baby, it felt like Rose's wedding was something she just needed to keep her mind off things.

I hurried indoors, straight to Carlisle's office – behind the door I could already hear the excited mumble of voices. Or better, _a_ voice. I slid the doors open, careful not to interrupt the conversation too abruptly. Rose was standing on a small platform in the centre of the room, a mirror to the side that got added to the room just for the occasion. Looking at her dress now I had to admit it was one of my masterpieces. For some reason – that passed me by for the moment – Tanya had crawled underneath Rose's skirt, seemingly to attach something to her leg. "There you go," Tanya said as soon as she'd untangled herself from Rose's underskirt. "Something _blue_." Aha, a garter. I wondered briefly who'd be the one to catch it later today.

"Alice!" Tanya exclaimed, her excitement infectious.

With her back turned to me, I could only see Rose's hair, long blonde hair falling over her shoulders in long curls, strands of hair pulled from her face and held together at the back by a single elastic band. Now that she turned around I could see her exquisite make-up, her skin almost translucent and complemented perfectly by the colour of her dress. She looked stunning.

Rose only smiled at me to acknowledge my presence; I guessed she was too nervous to actually say something. "Something borrowed," Tanya continued the tradition and produced a gorgeous golden hairpin from her bag. She got up on a chair to reach Rosalie's hair and covered the elastic band with the pin. Definitely the finishing touch. "And your bouquet counts as something new!" Tanya said excitedly, and got down from the chair. I only then noticed that Tanya was only wearing a light negligee. She probably didn't want to risk getting her dress filthy.

"Perfect," Rose said and regarded herself in the mirror. It didn't get more perfect than this. "Now go slip in your dress and we're almost done." Rose smoothed a hand over her stomach and took a deep breath. Tanya moved to the other side of the room, Carlisle's desk-made-boudoir for the day. She removed her negligee, careful not to mess up her hair and make-up, and of course she had to be completely naked underneath, safe for the signature black knickers, set off starkly against her white skin.

"How was your party?" I asked and cleared my throat, hoping it would relieve some tension, and to distract myself from watching Tanya too closely. Today was not a day for slipups.

Rosalie turned to me, and held out her hand. "Fabulous," she answered while I took her hand and she got off the platform. I automatically dived down to smooth down the lines of the dress, making sure if fell down perfectly. "My girls sure know how to take care of me." I only just caught Rosalie and Tanya exchanging conspiratorial looks when I looked up. I knew I'd regret not going. I wondered what they'd gotten up to. "Pity you had to cancel," Rose said, and looked back at me.

"Yeah, I had..." I hesitated a moment, because what was I supposed to answer? Edward was feeling bad and I'd decided to stay home with him, seeing that as my opportune moment to show him exactly why I was his girlfriend. We'd gone out to the cinemas and went for pizza afterwards – Edward knew all the good places to eat in town. I noticed his mind wandering every now and then all night, but I soon put a stop to that when we got home. He could hardly think of anything else with my mouth around his dick. "I had to work at the store. It was a last minute thing."

"Can I ask you a huge favour?" Rose asked suddenly, not even taking notice of my petty excuse.

"Sure thing," I said, getting up from my hunched position. "Anything for the bride."

Rosalie smiled before continuing. "Bee is having problems with her knee again, and I'm afraid that walking the aisle by herself will be tricky." Was she asking me to help Bella down the aisle? "Do you think you could get Edward to walk her down?" I knew my expression read nothing but surprise, because Rosalie went on explaining. "I'd ask Jazz but he's Emmett's best man, so he has to be centre stage. And Dr Cullen wanted to sit with Esme and Michael because of the whole... and well, that just leaves your Edward. He won't mind, will he?"

By this time Rose had already taken hold of one of my hands and placed in both of hers. How could I really deny her this little thing? It's not like she knew about what was going on between Edward, Bella and me. "Not at all," I said and nodded, but I wasn't altogether sure how convincing I was. I couldn't let this get to me though, this was Rosalie's day, and her request was innocent and simple. But an image of my gorgeous Edward walking the aisle with Bella had already burned its way into my brain.

And then, of course, Bella entered the room. I noticed the slight limp in her walk immediately. Other than that, it was difficult to look around her gorgeously curled hair, done up the same way Rose's and Tanya's was. The short black-and-white dress I'd made her, complemented by the black-beaded necklace, was a perfect fit for her.

She strutted over to Rose and grabbed hold of both her hands, almost identical to how Rose had previously been holding mine. "Rose, don't freak out," Bella said, and I saw her squeezing Rose's hands. Behind me, I felt Tanya – now fully dressed and looking equally stunning – took a few steps closer to the three of us.

"What is it?" Rose's eye went big. I mentally cursed Bella for giving Rose more things to worry about. Couldn't Bella see that Rose was stressed enough already?

"I just thought I'd give you the heads-up," Bella said, and I couldn't blame her for adding the soothing words. I had to remember that Bella and Rose went back several more years than Rose and I did; she probably wouldn't be telling Rose this if it wasn't important. "But your parents are here," Bella added.

"They're what?" Rose almost screamed, and I felt Tanya behind me become fidgety as well. Right, Rose's parents who disapproved of her marriage. Tanya moved from behind me and put an arm around Rose.

"Stay calm, Carlisle is talking to them now," Bella said, and that seemed to put Rose a little more at ease. What was it with these girls and the Cullens? "And if I have to I'll sic Jasper on them. Remember Rose, it's your special day. We won't let anything ruin it." I watched all three of them carefully, how Bella and Tanya were trying to put Rosalie at ease, but Rose seemed to have spaced out to another realm.

"Rose," Tanya said, holding her more tightly. "Breathe."

"I'm okay," Rosalie breathed, and took another gulp of air before releasing another breath. "I'm ready." She nodded to herself, and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she held out both hands, one for Bella, and one for Tanya. Bella and Tanya both offered their free hand to me. "My girls," Rose smiled softly, a nervous twitch still in her lips. "Thank you so much for being here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you." Rose's eyes filled up with tears.

"Oh, no crying!" Tanya said, and rushed to the desk to grab a tissue. She rushed back and started to dab Rose's eyes, very careful not to ruin her make-up. "Save the tears for the ceremony, baby girl." Tanya put a hand on Rose's shoulder, and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Bella did the same. All I could do was stand by and stare. Again.

"Okay," Rose said, and took another breath. "Let's do this."

"I'll tell Esme you're ready," Bella said, and walked out of the door. I followed her out the door, after all, I had my place to be as well. I assumed Tanya was staying behind to keep Rosalie calm.

"Are you sure your knee is..." I started, but I wasn't sure how to exactly put it. I was certain that 'are you sure you're not faking your injury to get with my boyfriend?' was a little too blatant in the current situation. She really did seem to be struggling.

"No," Bella answered, and looked down at her leg. "I took a painkiller, but that won't stop my knee from giving out." She seemed to be looking for someone in the house, because she was looking around before turning to me earnestly. "Really Alice, thanks so much for letting Edward do this. I wouldn't ask, but I really don't want to fall on my face in front of everyone."

Sometimes it was really hard not to like Bella – only after everything we'd been through, watching her have sex in Carlisle's office, her non-flinching when I confronted her about it, after what I'd found out from Edward and what I'd seen for myself, I couldn't help but wonder where the act started, and where exactly it ended. If it was an act, she'd made it entirely her own.

* * *

**BPOV**

"I'll go tell him now," Alice answered, and walked away from me without uttering another word. It was clear that Alice had taken her distance from me; maybe Edward had told her about the bruises he'd seen on my back. _Fuck_. I didn't need Alice figuring out I was trying to manipulate Edward into falling for me. If she figured that out too soon, she'd be putting her claws into him and yes, Edward was the kind of guy who might just be claimed. Or worse, she might tell him what I was up to.

But I couldn't worry about that today; there were far more pressing matters to think about. Like Rose's parents. What the _fuck_ were they doing here? And they were about as pleased to see me as I was to see them. After Rosalie and Emmett dating for 5 years they were suddenly interested in their future plans? After telling Rose that she couldn't get married, that she'd only be throwing away her future, telling her that if she did marry him they'd cut her off. But then these people obviously didn't know Rose as well as they thought they did. Rose had turned her back on them. It wasn't about marriage; it was about Emmett. She wanted him, she loved him, and now she would have him completely. Something instinctual had always told me it had some to do with Rose's pride as well, but we'd always left that unspoken. A girl had to have her pride in this world.

Carlisle came through the backdoor during my pondering; I'd begun assaulting my bottom lip again. But he walked over to me confidently and put out his hands. "Everything is alright," Carlisle assured me, "They won't be any trouble. They even agreed to sit at the back." Damn straight they would. Esme and Rosalie had laboured three nights over the seating charts for the ceremony _and _the dinner afterwards, nothing was going to throw that around now.

"How did you...?" I shook my head. But I really didn't need to ask. I couldn't keep my cool around those people because I knew Rose and I'd heard her side of things, but Carlisle was a neutral party here. He could negotiate without there being any bloodshed.

"I can be very persuasive if I want to, Bella," Carlisle answered, and put his hands in his pockets. I wanted to hug him, but refrained from doing so. "I know how much this day means to Rosalie. It's the least I could do." And he probably knew the feeling, he was happily married too after all. It had seemed weird to see Carlisle put so much effort in Rosalie's wedding at first, he was a professor and we were just TAs, and all of us knew the faculty frowned upon his caring for us. But I had soon found out this wasn't just about Rosalie's happiness. Carlisle did this for Esme. And I could hardly blame him for that.

"The least?" I raised both eyebrows. "Carlisle, _look_ at this place!" I waved an arm around for dramatic effect, because where should I point? At the entirely decorated driveway? At the garden where gazebos had been added? At the living room area that had been completely transformed with several tables where we'd be eating later. Or at the dance floor that Esme had installed last minute, and behind Rosalie's back? "All of this is happening because of you."

Carlisle smiled, and was about to say something more, but then there was a little voice behind me calling my name. I turned around, and found Michael hobbling towards me in his little tuxedo; he looked absolutely adorable. "Mikey! Come here!" I called out and opened my arms for him. I lifted him up, disregarding the slight wobble in my knee, and straightened his tiny bowtie. "Look at you, all snazzy."

"Wha's snazzy mean?" he pouted.

"It means you look really nice," I explained, and had him smiling again seconds later. No, I would never have kids, if I had any say in it that was, but damn it, this little guy was a joy to see every single time.

"Bella," someone else called my name, and I turned to see Esme making her way over to me. She wore a deep purple designer dress; she looked stunning. "Oh my dear, don't you look lovely," she complemented my dress. "You should go and take your place, Edward is already waiting for you. Everyone's seated but us." She seemed nervous, but I knew that was only because she wanted everything to go according to schedule. I for one was relieved to see her like this, out and about, smiling even, taking Michael by the hand, letting Carlisle drape his arm around her. They looked like a proper family again. If I hadn't had all this make-up on, I would have allowed myself to cry.

"Bee." Tanya joined me in the hallway. "It's time. We have to take our places. Here's your bouquet." She handed me a small bouquet of blue flowers. I already knew I'd have something even prettier on my arm. Rosalie had caught me completely off guard when she'd suggested she'd ask Alice for Edward's help. I didn't know how in between stressing over her wedding, she found the strength to help me out as well. But I supposed that was what friends were for. Bless her.

Tanya took me by the arm and led me into the backyard, to a part of the garden that was shielded from the main part. I could hear the guests all talking to each other, Emmett's loud laughter booming over all of them, and then there was Edward, standing there waiting for me, his eyes lighting up as soon as he caught side of me. I'll admit, I was flattered, despite fully knowing that I – just like Tanya and Rosalie – looked fucking stunning in this dress. Pity it was a dress designed by Alice, anything other would have made this moment perfect. But then I guessed in this way it had some sort of bitter irony. Alice stood to the side, but I took no notice of her.

The music started when I reached Edward and Alice. Tanya took off down the aisle immediately. We were told to wait thirty seconds before the next one of us had to go. That's the reason I guessed that Edward stayed silent for so long; I knew I did. Alice started her walk, and Edward turned to me. He wasn't wearing a tuxedo – Rose had a deep sated hatred for tuxedos – so all the guys wore black suits with matching ties. I would have had to be blind not to notice how fucking delectable Edward looked in one of these. I'd devoured Jasper after watching him get into his earlier today – we'd had a quickie in the broom closet, cliché I knew, but such a turn-on – and by God, if Edward and I had been dating, I'd have whisked him off right now, wedding or not. But right, more important things to think about. Like walking the aisle without my hand wandering to Edward's ass.

"You look..." Edward started, and didn't even try to hide that he looked me up and down before finding my eyes again, "...amazing," he huffed.

I almost wished that I could blush on cue. "Thanks," I smiled instead. "And thank you for doing this."

"We should..." he started again, and I turned my head to see Rosalie joining us.

"Yeah," I said, and we took off down the aisle. The first thing I did when we were in view of the crowd was search for Jasper's eyes. Oh, I remembered this so well, last time I walked the aisle, my foster father's arm linked in mine, walking towards my future, the rest of my life. My Jasper. We had a very small and traditional ceremony. We weren't very religious people, but after everything that had already gone wrong in our lives and couldn't be righted, this was something we wanted to do absolutely right. I could see from the look in his eyes that he was thinking the exact same thing as me. I looked down at the wedding ring around my left ring finger, and just smiled. No, right now right here, there was no room for mischievous plotting. This was Rosalie's day, and I was going to give her a day to remember.

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Hours later music and laughter drifted over from the other side of the garden, Emmett's laughter – as expected – loudest of all. I smiled to myself and stared down at my wedding ring; I scooted it up half an inch and regarded the delicately interwoven lines of my tattoo. I didn't know what the hell I did in this life to deserve all this; a husband that I loved and loved me back more than I could even imagine, friends – more than friends – for life. And now the thought that Rosalie and I would be even more connected through our marriages. I needed little else in this life to make it utterly perfect.

"Bella," I heard my name called behind me, as if to remind me of the one thing I still wanted more than anything. And that didn't _just_ include having Edward in my pants. Edward appeared out of the almost-darkness, his tie loosened around his neck and a few buttons on his shirt unbuttoned, revealing more than enough skin for me to admire. "What are you doing out here?" he added, and sat down on the cold stone bench next to me in the gazebo. He sat close to me, his hands gripping the edge of the bench tightly.

"I needed some air," I answered, and stared at him sideways, but he wasn't looking at me. I wondered if he was here to promise me some more that he would never hurt me, or if he was here to apologize. In truth, his strong reaction, him grabbing me by the arm like that yesterday, had me slightly spooked. Edward was temperamental. "And a place to sit," I added.

He still wasn't looking at me; I wasn't sure I knew what that was about. I could smell that he'd been drinking, so I didn't speak myself. I had seen a long time ago already how alcohol could change a man, how he could go from a loving decent man to a monster that stirred with the slightest wrong word. Edward reached a hand out suddenly, index finger moving towards the scar on my leg. "How's your knee feeling?" he asked, and his finger brushed against my skin softly. I felt a shudder go through me; fuck yes, I was horny. How could I not be when all day I'd been reminded of my own wedding and subsequent wedding night?

I noticed now that Edward was a whole different kind of drunk than my stepfather. Alcohol seemed to mellow Edward, and at the same time it seemed to make him bolder towards me. In a sober state, Edward would never have touched me like that.

"It's holding up for now." I leaned into his touch, his hand fully coming to rest on my leg, and turned so that we were now facing each other; our lips were only inches apart. In the light glow of the lights the gazebo was decorated with, Edward's eyes looked almost a golden brown. If he was trying to seduce me – and might I add, what a turnabout surprise – he was definitely succeeding. "We'll see how the rest of the night unravels."

But he cast down his eyes. Fuck, he was still trying to be my knight in shining armour. Not exactly what I had in mind for us right now. I wanted him to finally make his move, claim me as his own, tell me all the things that he'd been thinking, _do_ all the things to me that his words had left unspoken. I wanted him to fuck me senseless, and I wanted Alice to watch him do it. "Bella..." he said softly, undoubtedly ready to teach me the errors of my ways. After all, how could I let Jasper touch me like that?

"Edward." I put my fingers to his lips to keep him from speaking. He looked at me as soon as our skins touched, eyes begging me to let him speak, to allow him to save me. "Can we not do this now?" I asked, as soft as he had before. "It's supposed to be a happy day." My fingers left his lips, and he parted them slightly, but faced away from me again. Damn it, this man was a lot of work drunk.

"Does he make you happy?" Edward asks, staring out in front of him. "When he hurts you?"

I let out a sigh, but didn't answer. I wasn't in the mood for this.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he amended moments later, and sighed himself. The night settled around us, a slow dance starting at the other end of the garden. "Dance with me," Edward asked suddenly, and was already getting up from the bench, stretching a hand out towards me.

"I can't." I shook my head. Was that his great plan for the night? Dance with me, hoping it would swoop me off my feet? "Not with my..."

"Trust me," Edward said, waiting for me to take his hand. I hesitated; did I really trust anyone besides my friends? Did it matter right now? It was only a dance after all, and if that was a way to Edward's heart, then I'd take it. I offered him my hand, and let him lead me to the middle of the gazebo. He put a hand around my waist as I put mine on his shoulder, and then he pulled me even closer. I felt his arm tighten around my waist, and he lifted me up from the ground. Fuck, he was strong too, of course he was strong. Before I knew what was going on, I felt his lean body pressed up against mine, and my feet landed on top of his. So he did have a few tricks left up his sleeve. "See, you're dancing," he said, and smiled down at me. My knees – yes, both of them – felt almost mushy.

This time, I really did blush, but not necessarily because of the romantic stance the moment had taken. Despite the night getting cooler, my body flushed hot, Edward's strong arms around me, his loving eyes staring down in mine. I briefly wondered if he'd planned this, or if it was a spur of the moment thing. If it was, planned, I'd have to step up my own games.

And then he started leaning in. I didn't hesitated, only wondered if this was the time and place for this, but then, it was as good as any. No one could see us here, and something told me that Rosalie would get a kick out of hearing the story from me when she got back from her three-day honeymoon. His lips had only been a few inches away before, but now they moved even closer, invading my most intimate space, his scent hitting me hard, arousing me more than ever before. This man was exuding sex, and he wanted me. Another shudder rippled through me when his lips brushed mine, and I swear I fucking felt it pass from me into his body, his crotch pressed into me, cock half-hard for me already.

I darted my tongue out and felt it brush his, and that was all the encouragement he seemed to need. I stepped off his toes at the same time his hand moved to my cheek. I grabbed the back of his head hard, digging a hand in his hair and he drew me in deeper, his tongue pushing past my teeth into my mouth, a burning ache settling at the core of me that was all too familiar. Fuck yes, every single atom of me wanted him right here, wanted to feel his hands on my bare skin, his lips all over me, and fuck me hard. But that would be too much too fast. I needed Alice to see him pine after me, and I needed part of him to still want to be with Alice.

So I pushed him off, our lips disconnecting in a wet hungry pop. "I have to go," I breathed, still close enough to smell the desire rippling between us. It almost physically hurt to put distance between me and Edward; it wasn't like me to pass up a fuck like this, and the traitor in my slip agreed – I probably needed to go find Jasper to aid that little ache right about now.

I walked away from Edward abruptly, trying to keep my leg steady. Or again, both of them. "Bella..." I heard him sigh behind me, and a smile crept across my lips beyond my control. Oh yes, I had him right where I wanted him; pants down, hungering for me. One of these days, sometime soon I hoped, I was going to let him fuck my brains out. But not just yet.

I found my way into the house, because I wanted to avoid Edward for a few moments longer before he saw me at the party again. Instead I found Jasper in the hallway, just coming back from the dressing room where I guessed he just dropped off his jacket and tie. "Just the woman I was looking for." He caught me by the waist and lifted me up before spinning us both around. So many people wanted to dance with me tonight. He put me back down and stared at me lovingly, backing me up against the wall.

And then he kissed me, hungrily, and I threw my arms around his neck. It was a slow burning kiss, but it reached me somewhere deep. I had to strain myself to put together any rational thought: did Carlisle have a broom closest somewhere around here? I supposed his office would be a decent enough hide-out. "How's that knee of yours doing?" Jasper moved back to look at me, his eyes narrowing, but I knew he was kidding around.

"Just fine," I said, and by my own standards I was doing fine. It hurt, but no more than usual.

"I think you're lying to me, Ms Hale." Jasper reached down for my knee, and lifted it up waist-height. My lower leg dangled loosely in his hand, all the pressure taken from my knee all at once. I lost my shoe when Jasper moved closer and pushed himself up against my groin. Oh yes, right there, that was exactly what I needed right now.

"Well, it does feel a little _hot_." I raised an eyebrow surreptitiously, and was just about to kiss him again, when someone's fist connected with his jaw.

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**please read and review!**

**next chapter will have Edward's POV on all this!  
**


	17. Chapter 16: Stutter Something Profound

**summary:** _Edward wants Bella. One problem: he's with Alice, and Bella is married to Jasper. __Does anyone know what polyfidelity means? _

**characters (this chapter):** Jasper/Bella, Alice/Edward, Edward/Bella, Edward/Tanya, Emmett, Esme, Michael (OC)

**warnings:** au/ah. wip. **explicit content: LEMONS**

**disclaimer:** _fic•tion_ [fíksh'n]: literary works of imagination

**author's notes:** blame the vacation job for this late update, i have little time to focus on fanfiction of any sort. anyway, most of last chapter from Edward's POV, and the conclusion of that surprise punch Jasper got to the face. i hope you all like the new chapter, and super-special thanks to everyone leaving me comments/reviews. also, bonus preview if y'all manage to get this story to 100 reviews!

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**OF LOVE AND RAZORBLADES**

**chapter 16: **that's when you stu- stu- stutter something profound

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**EPOV**

I felt sick to my stomach. From the moment I got out of bed, when I was under the shower, getting into my suit, Alice arriving, all the way through I was thinking about all the reasons I shouldn't do this. I couldn't face Bella after what happened last time, and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to face Jasper after what I'd found out. My care and – dare I say – love for her had taken on enormous proportions, and I knew, Jasper hurting Bella aside, I was hurting so many people myself. I was lying to Alice every day just by being with her. In a way I was lying to Bella, because I was asking her to trust me, to be with me, while I couldn't even find the strength to leave Alice. I really shouldn't be going to this wedding.

But if I didn't go Alice would never let me hear the end of it, or Bella for that matter. It wasn't my place to back out now and make Rosalie and Emmett's wedding day any less perfect. Neither of them deserved that. So I sucked it up; this wasn't my day, it was Emmett's and Rosalie's, two people I had no particular problem with. They loved each other, though at the moment I couldn't help but wonder: had Jasper and Bella's marriage served as an example? Being such close friends, did they know what Jasper did to Bella? Was Alice right when she said that Bella actually liked being touched like that?

I shook my head, revving the car's engine to force myself from that train of thought. No, not Bella. I knew without having to ask her that her past haunted her still, that it had been dark and terrifying for her, but that she'd struggled free from that. Because she was strong. Was she not strong enough to leave Jasper? Was that it? Did he have her in some sort of stranglehold that she found no way out of? Could I help her get away from him?

"Baby, are you okay?" Alice asked, and I glanced over to her briefly. I couldn't tell her what was on my mind. For all her desire to belong entirely to Bella's group of friends it seemed she was starting to like Bella less and less. I wondered if she had noticed my attraction to Bella. She must have. "Oh, it's right here," Alice said, not waiting for my reply, but had she not said anything I would have missed the exit to the Cullens's house. It was easily one of the most impressive driveways I had ever seen, currently decorated with long white sashes and lamps for later tonight. I had never seen the Cullen's mansion before today, but it struck a nostalgic nerve in me. Once upon a time, a lifetime ago it seemed, before my parents' accident, I had lived in a house like this.

Today was going to be the hardest day in my entire life.

Esme was waiting for us in front of the house as we made our way to the front door. "Alice, Rose needs you," she said. "She's set up in Carlisle's office. She wants to see all the bridesmaids before the ceremony," Esme added, too hurried to greet us properly. Alice had told me she organized the whole wedding with Rosalie; I could only imagine her nerves. I guessed they were something similar to my own, underlain with the excitement of watching her planning realized. "Edward, you're with me," Esme said, and her motherly eyes smiled at me. I could see instantly why Bella enjoyed spending time with Professor Cullen and his wife.

I bend down and kissed Alice on the cheek, a hand at the small of her back; right now, ironically, Alice felt like my only hold in a world I was struggling hard to understand.

"Mommy," a little voice sounded from the porch once Alice had made it inside, and I guessed it was Michael Cullen that made his way towards us, down the steps and into Esme Cullen's open arms.

"I thought I'd told you to stay with your daddy," Esme said, picking Michael up in her arms, holding him tightly. I'd never seen Dr Cullen's wife on campus; from what I'd gathered she'd gone through – or was still going through – a hard time after miscarrying her second baby. I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her, not just because of what I knew she'd been through, but because when she looked at me with her big green eyes, I was instantly reminded of my own mother. She was kind, I knew that in that moment without having ever spoken a word to her. I understood more than ever why Bella spoke so highly about not only Dr Cullen, but his wife as well. But couldn't Esme Cullen see then, this wonderful compassionately loving woman, after having spend time in Bella's and Jasper's presence, that their marriage was no good for Bella? Because I knew she regarded Bella as a daughter, as did Dr Cullen.

"You have a beautiful home," I said, and Esme smiled up at me, carrying Michael with her as we went.

"Thank you, Edward," she smiled. "It's nice to finally meet you." She spoke of me like she heard about me daily. Did she? And who had spoken about me? "Bella has spoken of you often, as has my husband." I couldn't help it; my heart made a little jump in my chest when I heard her speak the words. So Bella did talk about me. There had to be something inside her that really did like me, and wasn't stringing me along like some puppet. If it was but a game, it just seemed too elaborate.

Esme led me to the back of the house, cutting through the garden, where guests were already taking their seats for the wedding. Beyond where the ceremony would be taking place, the rest of the garden was transformed into a cosy outdoor lounge it seemed, little tables with high chairs scattered around a big dance floor, under a huge cover of tall trees. In the distance I was able to discern three gazebos; Esme walked me even beyond those, to an exuberantly large garden shed, though it struck me more like an outhouse. "Emmett is probably a little nervous," Esme told me, and halted in front of the door. She took a peak at her watch, then looked back to where the guests were taking their seats at the other end of the garden. "Try to put him at ease just a little?" she asked.

"Of course," I nodded. She left me then, and I went indoors. An outhouse didn't nearly cover the palace I walked into. It was a lavishly decorated loft, with an open kitchen, sofas, tables everywhere, covered in scale-model houses. Right, hadn't Alice told me Esme was an architect? There was a little play area separated from the main room; Esme Cullen must work from home to take care of Michael. This made her even more beautiful in my eyes.

"Edward, my man!" Emmett shouted when he emerged from what I guessed was the bathroom. He was wearing a black suit identical to my own, except Emmett McCarty was twice my size, not in height, but in width. How exactly did I have to put him at ease? I'd spoken to him once in passing, that didn't exactly constitute a very close relationship or an insight into his psyche.

"Emmett," I said, putting my hands in my pockets. "Ready for the big day?" I asked.

"Oh man, I'm so nervous, it's insane!" he exclaimed, and looked at himself in the long mirror in the corner. He straightened his collar, pulled it up, and folded it down again; he really was nervous. "But I'm getting married to the most beautiful woman in the world." I couldn't deny that Rose was a looker, as was Tanya to be honest, but no, it was Bella that held my preference. "What more could a guy want?" I couldn't argue there. What more could a guy want out of life?

"Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday," I said, hoping to distract him from his nervousness. "Something came up." He didn't look at me, nor did he seem to notice I had even spoken, for which I felt grateful. I didn't want to explain exactly why I hadn't shown up, that I wasn't up to facing Jasper, knowing now how he touched Bella, looking him in the eye and pretend everything was okay between us. No, I hated him the way I'd wanted to hate him when we first met. How did he deserve a girl like Bella? How did he justify hurting her in his sick mind? How could he talk to anyone knowing that? Did he think about it during the day, new ways to hurt her, to bruise her, mark her for others to see?

All day yesterday I'd been preoccupied by those thoughts, up until the point where Alice had yanked me out of the sofa, cancelling her own plans with Rosalie, Tanya and Bella – for which I failed to feel responsible, or guilty – and taken me out. She'd distracted me as best she could, with a movie, and dinner, and then when we got home she'd pushed me down harshly on the same sofa, and gone down on me without me even having to ask it. Safe to say, there were few rational thoughts I could string together about Bella or Jasper with Alice's lips wrapped around my dick. Sometimes, most of the time, maybe always even, I really did love Alice.

"Ah, don't worry about it." Emmett's voice made me snap back to reality. It seemed like he'd heard me after all. I cleared my throat, and was about to say more when suddenly the door opened, and Jasper walked in. There was a voice coming from outside, quickly drowned out when Jasper closed the door again. I didn't greet him, but I looked at him strongly. "Is that Carlisle?" Emmett asked, recognizing the voice I'd failed to identify.

"Yeah, uhm, Rose's parents are here," Jasper said, hesitating when he caught my eye. He frowned at me, his eyes narrowing on my face as mine did on his. Did he know what I'd seen? Did he know I'd do everything in my power to convince Bella she was married to a man that didn't deserve her? Because that's what I decided right in that moment where my eyes met Jasper's. I was going to win her for myself. "Don't worry," Jasper continued, tearing his eyes away from mine slowly, but I guessed he wanted to put Emmett at ease. "Bella got Carlisle to talk to them, and she'll put it to Rose gently."

"Maybe I should go see if she's okay." Emmett moved to walk out the door, but Jasper had an arm out in front of him fast. I didn't think Emmett should go talk to Rose either, even _if_ he could calm her down. It wasn't tradition for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony.

"Em, we've got it covered," Jasper assured him. I couldn't say I understood why Rose's parents being here was such a big deal, but if I'd have to guess I'd say things weren't great between them. Maybe they didn't even want Rosalie and Emmett to get married; maybe there was reason for panic after all. "Esme wants us to take our places already."

"Shit, this is actually happening."

"Don't worry, man." Jasper slapped a hand down on Emmett's big shoulder. "It's gonna be one day you will never forget. Trust me."

My stomach churned, insides twisting as I focused on Jasper's face again. There wasn't a trace of evil, or remorse for that he did to Bella. Truthfully, it was hard to believe that Jasper could hurt a fly. I thought I'd gotten to know him in the few times we'd spend together, but maybe he hid it as well as Bella hid her dark past. Maybe they shared a dark past; hadn't Bella said they'd met in foster care? Maybe one day, when I found the strength and courage to ask her about it, she'd realise she could trust me with her secrets. And perhaps Jasper's as well.

Jasper led Emmett outside, and I followed close behind. I knew I was supposed to flank Jasper during the ceremony, so I followed them to the front, but I saw Alice beckoning me towards her from the back. I ran over to her quickly, noticing how all the guests were already seated, assuming the ceremony could start any moment.

"Babe, Bella needs you to walk her down the aisle," Alice said as soon as I reached her.

"What?" I snapped. I knew instantly this probably had to do with Bella's knee, but this seemed to be placing me alongside someone I was avoiding for the time being. I wasn't altogether sure I was ready to face her. "Why me?" I asked, while at the back of my mind I wondered if Bella had requested it herself. Was this her way of reaching out to me? Did she know I would avoid her as best as I could until I was confident enough to talk to her?

"Jazz needs to be up-front with Emmett, you're the only guy left," Alice explained.

"Can't she..." I desperately searched for words, but I knew I had little to object to. Walking down the aisle with Bella, the object of my affection, how could I say no to that?

"Edward, this is Rose's day." Alice's hands were on my face suddenly, and I looked down at her. Did she know what she was asking me to do? Did she realize my feelings for Bella? If she did, why was she so desperate to put the two of us in such close proximity? "She asked you to do this." Somehow I doubted that. Did that mean Rosalie was in on all of this to, and wanted to thrust Bella and me together? Was it all but a game to mess with my head?

"Okay," I agreed nonetheless, and joined Alice at the back. She told me to wait thirty seconds after she took off down the aisle to walk it with Bella, but I was only listening to half the things she said. I was too focused on controlling my breathing, on settling the queasiness at the pit of my stomach whenever I thought about Bella. All I saw now when I thought about her were bruises, not the purplish blue ones I'd seen, but black soiled marks on her perfect pale skin, Jasper's fingers clawing at her, Bella crying in the corner. And sometimes, Bella begging for me to help her, save her, take her away from the big bad world she got twisted up in.

I was going to need a lot of booze to make it through the day.

But then there she was, there she came, Bella, my Bella, a slight limp in her stride, but her legs long and exposed. The scar running across her knee only caught my attention dazedly – did Jasper put that there too? – because I couldn't see beyond the beauty and the splendour she aired. The little black and white dress – oh the irony that Alice should have been the one to create it – hugging her slender waist tightly, enveloped up around her chest and perfect breasts. She looked stunning, and she fucking well knew it. If I could have, I would have had her there and then, wedding and Alice there be damned.

I knew my eyes were wide, wandering up and down her body, but it was only when the music started and Alice was gone that I found myself able to speak again. "You look..." I started, but what could I really say to fully describe what I was feeling. Astounded, bedazzled, enchanted. Not to mention fucking horny. "... _amazing_," I huffed, and finally found her eyes. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. It was worse.

I'd no sooner spoken the words, and looked down in her deep-brown eyes, or Bella cast down her eyes shyly, not blushing, and bit down on her bottom lip. I'd come so close to kissing those delectable lips once, why the earthly fuck hadn't I taken that opportunity? "Thanks," she said, and walked over to me. This time, a subtle hint of perfume radiated off her rather than the natural scent she normally carried around; it mixed now with something sweet and floral, and strangely exotic. It was almost like this was an entirely new Bella. I then realized I'd never seen her in a dress before. "And thank you for doing this."

I smiled; what else was there left for me to do? "We should..." I said, and offered her my arm, realizing that thirty seconds had probably already past, because suddenly Tanya and Rosalie were behind us as well.

"Yeah," Bella smiled, and put her arm through mine gently. I revelled in having her this close again, the hurt in her eyes gone for the moment. We took off down the aisle, and soon came in view of the crowd. Bella looked at Jasper instantly and my heart fell, especially when she glanced down shortly to touch her wedding ring. Why did she do that? To check that it was still there? To remind herself that she was trapped in an unhappy marriage? But I doubted any of those thoughts even touched her mind. It hurt me to think how she was remembering her own wedding day, the day she bound herself to Jasper, the day she became off limits to men like me. Was it all just a game?

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I knocked back my fourth glass of champagne, immediately making a grab for a fifth one. Alice was across the dance floor from me, probably thinking she was in a dark corner and I couldn't see her, but I saw Tanya's arm snaked around her waist. I could see Tanya whispering in her ear, and Alice giggling that smile reserved for real pleasantries. She couldn't even be subtle about cheating on me. It didn't bother me when we first met, I couldn't help that she felt attracted to women as well. Back then she was never too obvious about it, didn't tell me, and truthfully, it was fucking hot thinking of my Alice with another woman just as delicious. But I'd grown tired of that real fast. It wasn't that it stopped being hot, but Alice grew less secretive, openly flirting with women while I was in the room, bringing them to my flat when I was out. Care_free_ little Alice grew careless.

I loosened my tie and a few buttons on my shirt, taking a big gulp from my glass. Rosalie and Emmett were in the centre of the crowd, dancing, as were Esme and Carlisle. Jasper was sitting to the side on a chair next to Michael, entertaining the little one by playing out a story with his action figures. I wondered if he really was as good with kids as he seemed to be. I looked around further to find anything to distract me. Where was Bella? She'd been there earlier, sitting to the side with Michael as well, but not as engaged with him as Jasper was now, looking onto the dancers. She'd seemed happy. I guessed she didn't dance because of her knee. Jasper should really have insisted on her taking better care of it.

I set off looking for her, reluctant to stay there and look at what Alice was doing with Tanya. And I wasn't sure if I could afford to get any drunker. I didn't know what alcohol did to me aside from loosening me up; though I was cursed with the ability to remember everything that had happened to me the next morning. An overrated skill at times. I walked aimlessly through the gardens for a while, more than once catching people hiding in the bushes together, but I tried to take no notice of it. I found Bella in the gazebo farthest out, sitting by herself calmly, staring down at her hand. She did that too often.

"Bella," I said, and she looked up at me slowly. "What are you doing here?" I sat down next to her, closer in my drunken state than I would have had I not been drunk, and gripped the edge of the stone-cold bench tightly.

"I needed some air," she answered, and I felt her eyes burning holes in me. I couldn't look at her though, not when I knew the first words out of my mouth would be an attempt to set her free, to save her, to be her knight in shining armour. A part of me still needed her to ask me that first. "And a place to sit," she added, still not taking her eyes off me.

I didn't look up to meet her eye, I just couldn't. I wasn't sure if I should apologize for the other day, for grabbing her arm so tight and fierce. I knew that had spooked her. Was that because of Jasper? Because of her past? Or were the two inextricably connected? Maybe I needed to make her see, try to talk to her calmly, though I was pretty sure that was impossible in the state I was in. I didn't feel sick anymore, but that had been replaced for a mad craving to have Bella in my arm, hold her, kiss her, _fuck_ her – the thoughts had gotten more graphic in nature with each glass I'd knocked back. Essentially, I just wanted her. Completely.

Maybe that was why I found myself reaching a hand out to her suddenly, index finger outstretched towards her knee. "How's your knee doing?" I asked, my finger brushing her skin softly. I felt a shudder run through her instantly. I knew she wanted me too.

"It's holding up for now." Bella leaned into my touch, and I boldly put my hand on her knee, sliding up her inner thigh. My breathing deepened, something lustful travelling down my spine I knew far too well. It settled at the core of me near my groin, and pulsed. I looked at Bella slowly, her eyes ready and waiting; in the glow of the light surrounding us they looked pitch-black. Our lips were only inches apart. How little it would take for me to have her, how little distance, how little effort. What was stopping me? "We'll see how the rest of the night unravels."

I cast down my eyes. A game a game _a game_, the word echoed through my mind, warning me that this could all be one of Bella's tricks, just to see she could have me. She could, and she already knew it. "Bella..." I said, voice low. She had to know I wouldn't be like Jasper, loving me wouldn't mean setting herself up for more heartbreak. I would make sure no one hurt her ever again.

"Edward." Her fingers were on my lips in an instant. I looked at her as soon as our skins touched. "Can we not do this now?" Her eyes asked me, no, they _begged _me to do this for her, to shut up and not mention it again, forget it even. But how could I forget? "It's supposed to be a happy day." Her fingers were gone and I found myself facing away again. Fuck this, Bella was a lot of work. Or was that merely a foolish hope I held?

"Does he make you happy?" I asked, eyes front. She couldn't deny that; she couldn't tell me it didn't hurt even _if_ she enjoyed it. "When he hurts you?"

To my right, Bella sighed. She didn't answer me, nor did I believe she had any intention to.

"Okay, I'm sorry." I sighed, too, and got up from the bench slowly. An idea occurred to me then, when I heard the music beyond the bushes change into something slower. "Dance with me," I asked, turning, and stretched out a hand towards her. How badly I wanted to be the one man she danced with tonight.

"I can't." Bella shook her head, and looked up at me in confusion. "Not with my..." but she hesitated, which gave me hope.

"Trust me," I pushed, hand still outstretched towards her. _Please God, let her take it_, I thought. _Let me be the person she trust_, because I saw her hesitate and ponder my request. I needed her to take my hand, if only just for this one dance. And then, ever so slowly, she reached out her hand and laid it in mine, allowing me to pull her up and lead her to the centre of the gazebo. I took a hesitant step closer, just to savour the moment where she allowed me to break through her walls, infiltrate her personal space, pull her closer to me. I put my arm around her waist and lifted her off the ground. Her feet landed on top of mine. Her scent was overwhelming, her proximity to me, warm and exotic, so intoxicating. "See, you're dancing." I couldn't suppress a smile.

She smiled, and blushed.

My body reacted; pressed up against Bella like this, groin against hers, I felt my cock becoming half-hard instantly. Only part of me hoped Bella couldn't tell. I looked at her, her brown eyes staring back at me, and I felt myself leaning in beyond my control. I was done for, I couldn't resist this. She shuddered against me again when my lips brushed her, and I swear to fucking God, it passed right into me and shook me completely. My tongue darted out and I felt it brush hers and that was all I needed, all the encouragement I wanted. Bella stepped off my toes as my hands moved to her face, and she grabbed the back of my head hard, pulling at my hair. Her lips parted in a gasp, and I dug in deeper, tongue pushing past her teeth while I breathed her in, lips moulding against hers. My body flushed hot, as did hers, and I sunk into the single most hottest kiss in my entire life. I'd never wanted anyone more.

I didn't understand what happened when her lips separated from mine in a wet pop, her hands on my chest to hold me back. "I have to go," she whispered against my lips, and I couldn't believe the words she spoke. How could she walk away from me now?

And then she was gone from my arms, heels tapping against the tiles until her feet met the wooden path through the grass, and away from me. "Bella..." I said, but she was already outside my reach. I willed my legs to move, but just for the moment they refused. I breathed heavily, trying to regain control over myself, and then suddenly, lightning fast, I took off after her. She wasn't going to do this to me, play her games, mess with my head and think she could get away with it. I wasn't like Jasper. I was _nothing_ like him.

I looked around at the party first, but it seemed she didn't go back there. Esme was dancing with her son now, Carlisle talking to some guests with Alice. Rosalie and Emmett were still entwined in each other's arms like before. I caught Tanya's eye from across the dance floor, but I ignored her, and Jasper— where was Jasper? I turned and bounded for the house, cutting through the garden towards the mansion. Inside, I heard Bella's voice and when I rounded the corner, I saw how Jasper had her pushed up against the wall, his hand squeezing her upper thigh where he had Bella's leg raised up to his waist. Images of charcoal black bruises came floating before my eyes.

Not Jasper, nor me, saw my reaction coming.

I walked over, my hand forming into a tight fist, and hit Jasper hard in the face. Jasper staggered back and twisted on his feet, his hand covering his jaw. "What the fuck, man?" he asked, not giving me any indication that he was going to continue this fight. Pity, I thought, though I was pretty sure he could take me in a fight.

"You keep your hands off her," I hissed, anger pulsing through me in waves. Where the fuck did he get the idea he could touch Bella like that ever again? What _the fuck_ kind of man was this that he could hurt such a beautiful innocent creature?

"Bella!" I heard behind me suddenly, and turned to see Tanya running towards me; she must have followed me from the party. Why was she—? I whirled around, realizing I'd forgotten all about Bella in my blind rage. It seemed that in my violent attempt to make something clear to Jasper, I hadn't taken into account that he was holding Bella, and that she'd fallen to the floor when I hit her husband. _Fuck_! Not husband. _Abuser_. "Bella, are you okay?" Tanya rushed towards her, but Bella was already staggering up, limping on her leg. Shit.

"Bella..." I choked out, suddenly excruciatingly ashamed of what I'd done to both Jasper and Bella. This wasn't me. "Bella, I'm s— I'm sorry," I said, but somewhere along the way I'd lost my voice too.

"You should go home, Edward," Bella said, and I couldn't bring myself to meet her eye. "You're drunk." I could swear I detected a tinge of fear in her voice. Was that it? An abusive alcoholic parent? Ex-boyfriend? _Jasper_? I looked up to see Bella whisper something in Tanya's ear, Tanya's eyes widening in surprise. When they looked at each other again, Tanya only nodded.

I watched in defeat how Bella walked over to Jasper, and gently put a hand to his face. It seemed I wasn't worth another glance. I released a shuddery breath, the tempest in me settling hard, a painful stillness pervading the house. "I'm taking you home," Tanya said to me, and I was beyond arguing. I felt her grab my arm and pull me along; I went with her willingly.

Tanya dragged me out of the house, and somehow managed to remove my car keys from my trouser pockets without me noticing. But then I was beyond noticing many things. My head was swimming, questioning things I'd held as absolute truths before. Bella underwent Jasper's ministrations willingly, painful or not, she loved him and she'd stand by him no matter what. Strangely, that didn't make me want her any less. And somehow, I didn't know how, and I didn't know who or what, but there was something seriously fucked up going on between Bella and her friends. It suddenly realized why Alice was so desperate to belong with them. But then why the mind games with me, and not Alice? I only wanted Bella. Alice wanted them all. Even Jasper.

"What's the trick, Tanya?" I asked, dazed, and was surprised to find myself back at my flat already; somehow Tanya must have pried those keys from my pockets as well. I hadn't realized I was that drunk. She eased me down on my bed, her hands on my shoulders pushing me down. I lay back, sighing. "What's the answer to Bella?" I added. If she said Jasper, I'd— I didn't know what I would do. Did it matter? It was becoming strangely clear that Jasper wasn't the only man who ever found his way into Bella's bed. Did that mean that tough Emmett McCarty had gotten Bella in that way too? But I couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

"I'd say you're well on your way of figuring that out," Tanya answered, and I sniggered. I felt her sitting down on the bed next to me, but she grabbed my leg, removing one of my shoes, then the other. She didn't say anything more. What did she mean, I was well on my way? Was there a combination lock to Bella that needed to be cracked? Was there some kind of code I wasn't aware off? It really was a game.

"Further than Alice?" I asked, because I noticed how Tanya and I were well beyond pretending here. I looked at her, but remained lying on my back; she glanced at me over her shoulder, her luscious strawberry blonde hair loosened now, so that it fell across her forehead in a long beautiful curve. She was a real beauty. "You and Bella, you..." I hesitated, wondering if she would get my meaning with such little to go on. Thinking of Tanya and Bella together was ten times hotter than Alice and Tanya together.

"Yeah," Tanya answered almost immediately, and turned on the bed. Of course Tanya had gotten Bella too. Tanya stood up, gathering her hair up and binding it together in the hollow of her neck, and leaned down on the bed on her arms. "Most guys would love the idea of their girlfriend and another woman," she said, and she wasn't too far off bat. It was hot. "Or do you want her for yourself?" At this point I didn't know whether we were talking about Bella or Alice.

"I do," I admitted, too fast perhaps, but Tanya only continued to stare down at me. Her lips curved into a gorgeous smile. She was wearing the same perfume Bella was. "But then Bella is kind of a package deal, isn't she?" I asked, implying too much, too fast, too blatantly. But I was drunk, and hurt in my pride, little mattered to me right now beyond sleeping off my buzz.

"I suppose," Tanya said, and crawled closer to me on the bed, coming dangerously close to me. I didn't know if it was planned, or if it was something she really wanted to do, but I couldn't refuse when her scent hit me, so similar yet completely different from Bella's. I reached up instinctively and captured her lips with my own. Tanya's lips vibrated against mine when she moaned deep in her throat. I kissed her deep and hot, exactly the way I was kissing Bella before, only Tanya didn't pull away, she didn't stop me, she probably didn't even want to.

She was smiling against my lips when I released hers. "Close your eyes," she whispered, her fingers trailing down my torso, to the front of my trousers, and she undid them more skilfully than even I could have managed. Her hand dug into my pants, squeezing my dick, making me hard instantly. "Hmm," she moaned, kissing me again, and then separated her lips from mine. Her head moved down too, her hands releasing my cock from my pants, and soon I felt her tongue flick across my tip. I groaned, and closed my eyes, just like she'd asked me too.

Her mouth wrapped around my hard cock and she took me in completely, my tip hitting the back of her throat. "Fuck, T—" but I knew the name I really wanted to mutter, the name Tanya wanted me to say. _Bella_, I thought, and dug my fingers in the bedspread. She started alternating between licking me slowly and sucking my dick hard, making me hyper-aware of every one of my senses, the tension building in my groin so fucking fast I'd almost mistake her for a professional. By the time she added her hand to the mix, caressing my balls too, I was so ready to explode that I was fucking _hurting_.

_Bella!_ my mind screamed, because they were her lips, it was her hair I dug my hand into, her fucking little hands squeezing the base of my cock. I came with a strangled cry, an unuttered name at the back of my throat, a string of curses escaping my mouth as my body shuddered, shaking violently on the bed, release washing through and over me as I came in Tanya's mouth. She'd just done me in for the whole fucking week. "Tanya," I whispered, but hadn't really found my breathe again. I wondered if I ever would.

She lifted her head, swallowing all of me. "You're welcome," she said, and sucked in her bottom lip to taste me.

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